


Road to Recovery

by Wesz



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Psychological Drama, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 77,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wesz/pseuds/Wesz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's not much Scott knows about the new kid, Liam Dunbar, only that he's an awesome lacrosse player, who might take Scott's title of team captain someday. Because of that, Scott knows he should feel threatened, but he doesn't. Not when he catches a weird mark on Liam's arm and finds out he's lying about how he got it. Being the caring the guy he is, Scott starts an investigation; oblivious to the emotional roller coaster he's about to step into...</p><p>Luckily, there's always light at the end of the tunnel.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware of the fact that there may be certain triggers in this story.  
> I hereby let you know I choose not to use any trigger warnings, because life doesn't have them either.
> 
> But on a less dramatic note:  
> Enjoy!  
> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)

The Beacon High lacrosse team is soaking wet from the rain pouring down outside. The locker room bears the brunt of the weather as they walk in, flooding with splatters of mud and the remnants of what could have previously been identified as grass. Scott grins at his best friend, Stiles, high fiving him as they both recall their coach’s words.

“Stilinski, you’re playing next week.”

Stiles is ecstatic to say the least, and Scott’s grin has lasted so long that it seems unlikely to ever fade, even though his title of captain of the team is on the line. Nevertheless, he has to admit that the new guy, Liam Dunbar, is an awesome player. And Scott wouldn’t be Scott if he didn’t support him.

“Nice training, dude. Your last shot was pretty impressive,” he compliments the boy after he has walked up to him.

Liam turns around in a quick motion. A droplet of water – or sweat – falls from the tip of a soaked strand of his hair, Scott only noticing because it hits the bottom of Liam’s lips. It’s an imperfect image: like a stain on a snow white carpet. It remains there for only a second before the back of Liam’s hand wipes it off.

“Thanks, man,” He grins. Scott hears the surprise in his voice. He had probably expected the threatened captain to be a little more competitive. “You’ve got some swift moves yourself.”

Scott flashes a broad smile. His stomach tingles from the familiar feeling of someone being nice to him. It's a quality he thinks there’s too little of in the world – something he feels responsible for making up for, all by himself. The spark ignites his body, reminding him of that time when Stiles referred to him as ‘the hot girl’.

Liam pulls his mud-covered lacrosse shirt over his head and Scott mimics the motion while he’s turning back around, attempting to go back to his usual spot in the locker room.

That is, until he notices something odd out of the corner of his eye. Usually, such a phenomenon exists as a dark silhouette that fades in the blink of an eye. It’s a shadow, an entity, something that’s almost enough to make you reconsider your opinion on the existence of the supernatural, just for that moment. Scott’s vision darts in the mystery’s direction, but on this occasion, instead of a fleeting shimmer, his eyes fixate on a mark crossing the skin of Liam’s arm.

“Hey, did you get hurt out there?” he asks, pointing at the cut he now registers there.

Liam’s eyes widen. His gaze glances to what Scott’s referring to. He holds his wrist with his other hand, brushing his thumb over the wound, covering it.

“Oh, that. Nah, I fell off my bike on the way to school the other day, scraped my arm on one of those barbed wires, you know?”

Scott nods, willing to accept the simple sounding explanation. But something dawns on him right as he’s about to turn away.

“It’s winter,” he remembers aloud.

The boy opposite him throws him a weird look. “Yeah…so? Those wires are still there.”

Scott licks his lips. The frown on his face deepens for a moment. He opens his mouth to respond, but refrains when he grows aware of the vibe Liam’s giving off. It’s telling Scott to back off. A little intimidated by this sense, he obliges and moves back to his locker.

He rummages through it, looking for his shampoo and a towel. Finding those items takes him longer than normal, because he can’t stop eying Liam in a suspicious way. Their eyes catch one another a couple of times, instinct causing them to quickly look away sheepishly.

When it happens for a third time, Liam seems to utter a sigh and change his mind about showering. Instead, he throws on his shirt and kicks his shoes on. His lacrosse gear is hurriedly stuffed into his bag and seconds later Scott’s watching him leave, a thick winter coat hugging his upper body.

“But it’s winter…” he repeats, to no one in particular.

“Picturing my glorious moments on the field next week, daydreamer?” Stiles pulls Scott out of his thoughts.

Scott chuckles, shaking his head. “You’ll be great, I’m sure.”

Stiles nods frantically, a wide grin growing on his face. “Thanks, man,” he says, bumping his fist against Scott’s shoulder. “Appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” Scott replies before taking off towards the showers.

“So do you wanna hang out or something?” Stiles wonders when they leave the school. The sheer January cold hits their faces, and Stiles hides more into the collar of his jacket.

“Can’t. I really have to study.”

“Lame.”

“No, I’m serious! Chemistry is kicking my ass and I really need to learn to defend myself.”

Stiles chuckles. “Your ass is fine. You shouldn’t worry as much.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re a genius.”

“Oh, come on.”

“You are. I don’t know how, but you are!” Scott laughs. “It’s really frustrating.”

And it has been. At some times Scott had even found himself jealous of Stiles. The boy was always hyperactive as hell and easily distracted – as he was most likely suffering from a still undiagnosed, severe case of ADHD – but still managed to surpass their teachers’ expectations of him, therefore pissing them off even more. Scott literally couldn’t recall even one teacher that didn’t seem to despise the Sheriff’s son.

In fact, Scott only started to feel content with himself once he realised that every individual had different qualities. Stiles might have been an easy learner, but Scott was still the captain of the lacrosse team. And where Stiles could get anxious and was terrible in social situations, Scott triumphed and proved to be very easy going.

“Well, how about I help you study then?”

Scott ogles him. “Nah… I think I’m gonna pass.”

“Why not? Would you rather have Lydia help you study?”

Scott’s facial expression shifts into shock and he rapidly shakes his head. Lydia’s a great tutor, but a very strict one. She once helped Malia with her Maths homework, but Malia made the mistake of telling her she didn’t understand any of her notes. Lydia had went ballistic on her and had forced her to study all night long, almost making Malia cry in the early hours of the morning. It should be noted that neither of the boys had ever seen Malia cry, not even during Marley & Me – which is the most heart breaking movie Scott has ever seen.

“Come on,” Stiles continues. “We can study for an hour at my place and then for the rest of the day we can play videogames.” His grin is sneaky while he’s wiggling his eyebrows.

“There it is,” Scott nods. “No. Nope, we are not studying. You’re just trying to take me home with you.”

“Well, I didn’t want to be so up front about it, but…”

“No!”

But spending the rest of the afternoon alone doesn't improve Scott's focus on his studies. His mind keeps drawing him back to the image of the cut on Liam’s arm, distracting him until it’s finally time for dinner.

“Mom? Have you ever had someone lie to you?” he asks when he and his mother have both sat down.

The lamp above their small kitchen table shines a faint light through his mother’s curls, casting shadows on her soft face. Scott watches them dance across her skin, wondering if they’re telling a story he can’t quite comprehend.

She scoffs, pausing her chewing. “Yeah, you did, last week, when you said you had passed that Chemistry test, while, actually, you failed.”

Scott purses his lips into a thin line, scratching the back of his neck. He had definitely not seen that one coming. “Right. You see, I meant to tell you, but, err…”

His mother’s giving him an expectant look, meanwhile continuing to eat her mac and cheese.

When Scott can’t come up with a good excuse after a couple of minutes, she decides she has tortured him long enough and asks, “Why?”

Scott shrugs a little. He pokes into his food with his fork. “We have this new guy at school, Liam. He’s on the lacrosse team as well,” he explains unsurely, “so, today, in the locker room, I saw he had a cut on his arm. But a weird cut, on the bottom where his wrist is, you know?”

His mother hums affirmatively. Her eyes have narrowed a little and the tiny wrinkles at the corners betray her age, but also the undivided attention she has for her son’s words.

“And when I asked if he had maybe hurt himself on the field, he said he had cut himself on barbed wire when he fell from his bike the other day.”

“Yes…?” Melissa wonders, not sure where her son is going with this.

“I don’t know. It just seems weird. I mean, when he left he was wearing a coat. A coat with long sleeves. And I sort of checked the fabric where the cut should have been, but it was fine. So wouldn’t that have protected his arm?”

“Maybe he wasn’t wearing his coat when he fell?”

“It’s 35 degrees outside, mom.”

“Well, then…what are you saying?” she asks. “Do you think he’s lying about how he got it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe…”

“Why would he lie about something like that?”

Scott sighs, before repeating, “I don’t know… It’s just…” Another sigh. “I just have this feeling that something isn’t right.”

His mother smiles. After putting down her fork, she moves her hand over her son’s. “If you really have that feeling, then you shouldn’t ignore it.”

“You think so?” he asks, looking up at her with an unsure expression. “Maybe it’s just me worrying too much again.”

Melissa squeezes his hand. “That’s not a bad quality.”

She winks before she retrieves her hand and picks up her fork again. “Just don’t let it get into your head too much.”

Suddenly, the front door slams shut with a loud bang, making the porcelain in Melissa McCall’s cabinets shiver and the cutlery on the table tremble. Scott gives his mother a surprised look, but she only rolls her eyes.

“I hate this job. No, wait, let me rephrase that. I don’t hate my job, but I do hate the idiots I’m working with,” Agent McCall grumbles as he enters the kitchen. He sets his briefcase down against the doorframe. “Apparently a very important piece of evidence vanished. Gone. Just like that. No one knows where it is. Unbelievable. How can someone be stupid enough to lose evidence?! I bet it was Parrish, the guy’s all looks and no brain.”

He sits down at the table, throwing a look at the glass bowl in the middle. “What are we having?”

“Mac and cheese,” Melissa answers sternly. “And you’re interrupting.”

“Well, you knew I was coming over, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but do you have to be so loud?”

Scott’s father looks from his ex-wife to his son and then it finally seems to sink in. “Oh, sorry. What were you talking about?”

“We were just-“

“It’s okay, Mom. I was finished anyway,” Scott cuts her off. He picks up his half empty plate, putting it into the sink. “Thanks for your advice,” he says, pressing a kiss on her head before exiting the kitchen.

The staircase makes a cracking sound under his footsteps. Downstairs he can hear the muffled voices of his parents; his mother probably accusing his father of being too intrusive. Scott supposes he should be happy to have his dad back in his life again – there are people in this world who don’t have that liberty: Stiles, for example, whose mother passed away when he was only five years old.

Yet Scott wasn’t happy with the man. After spending so many years with just his mother they had grown close and accustomed to each other, his father fading into a vague memory in the back in his mind. Which Scott had considered a fine place for him.

But now that he has returned, Scott’s comfortable and quiet home life has been interrupted. He and his mother have been building a warm atmosphere over the years, moulding it into a strong base. Only time will tell if that foundation is solid enough to withstand Agent McCall’s weight.

And Scott decides he can’t control time, so he focuses back onto the present again.

The next day at school, he keeps an eye out for Liam, all the while forming a plan to catch the boy in his lie. Determined to find out the truth, Scott doesn’t hesitate to walk up to Liam when he sees him during lunchtime. The cafeteria is crowded with people and Scott has to squeeze past some students to get to him.

“Hey man,” he greets.

Liam looks up from his textbook, examining Scott from head to toe.

“Scott…?”

“Is this seat free?” the older one asks, but he’s already pulling out the chair across from Liam, casting aside the formality of his question.

“Oh. Oh, yeah, sure, you can take-“

Scott grins, sitting down. He zips his bag open, fishing out his lunch and in the meantime ignoring Liam’s startled expression. The noise around them fades into the background when Scott picks up the conversation again.

“How are you?” he asks.

“I’m… Fine,” Liam answers. Scott smiles comfortably at him. “What brings you here?”

The older one shrugs. “I don’t know, just figured we could have lunch together.”

“I already finished mine,” Liam replies, still sounding a bit wary.

“Great,” Scott nods, taking a bite from his peanut butter sandwich. “What are you reading?”

Liam’s frown softens a little. “History. I have a test fifth period.”

“Did you study?”

Liam scoffs, raising the book lightly, “Obviously not.”

“What’s it about?”

“Second World War.”

“Oh.” Scott takes a bite of his sandwich. He stays quiet for a while, eyes rolling from left to right, as if the options he can choose from to continue the conversation are splayed across the table.

“I’m not that good at History either,” he finally admits in between chews. “I just don’t like it as much.”

Liam sighs. His eyes have averted to the texts again. “Same.”

Usually Scott would have felt uncomfortable – Liam makes him feel like Scott’s bothering him – but the caring guy refrains from moving. After all, he did have sort of a plan.

“So weren’t you wearing a coat when you fell off your bike?”

He didn’t claim it was a subtle one.

“What?” There’s clear caution in Liam’s voice.

“Your cut,” Scott clarifies, nudging his head towards Liam’s left arm.

Liam moves it, folding his hands into his lap. “I wasn’t, actually.”

“Really? Weren’t you cold?” Scott wants to know.

“No…” Liam answers. “I cycle for sport, so I always wear thin and short sleeved or piped clothes. The exertion keeps me warm.”

Scott nods a little. “I thought you said it happened when you were on your way to school?”

Liam sits back a little, starting to look annoyed. He crosses his arms in front of his chest. “What do you want, Scott?”

“Nothing. I was just saying…” Scott brushes it off.

“No. No, you’re clearly not. You’re clearly implying something. What is it?” Liam fires back.

Scott purses his lips before answering, “Nothing! I was just curious. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Liam nods, starting to gather his things into his backpack. “Just leave it, Scott. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I also really don’t care. Just leave me the hell alone.” He stands up, walking off without looking back.

Scott watches him, wondering why Liam’s lying. Especially now that he’s sure that he’s lying. Maybe Liam’s right and maybe Scott should leave him alone, but his stomach keeps tightening whenever he flashes back to the image of the cut. It’s nagging him and, even though he feels bad for not listening to Liam, he isn’t going to let it go.

But clearly Scott won’t be able to figure this one out on his own. Especially not since he has most definitely chased Liam off.

“Time to call for help…” he whispers under his breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

“So what do we really know about Liam Dunbar?” Stiles asks. A pen is flicking nervously between his fingers, the drawing board behind him is still empty, but Scott's hoping that’s about to change.

He’s sitting on the edge of Stiles’ bed, hands resting beside him. The coolness of the sheets feels nice on his sweaty palms. “We know he’s on the lacrosse team.”

“Yes!” Stiles replies, pointing at him with his pen. Scott smiles shyly, like a kid in third grade being praised for giving the right answer in class. “But that’s not really relevant.”

“Oh.” Scott’s face falls again.

Stiles turns around, writing something on the board. “Okay, so we know he has a cut on his left arm and he’s lying about how he got it.”

“Yes.”

“What else?”

“His coat is still fine.”

“Hence the lying.”

“But we don’t know why he’s lying,” Scott points out.

Stiles nods, writing something else on the board: ‘Possible reasons for lying’. Then he moves behind his desk and opens his laptop.

Scott gapes at the words. “Are we seriously going to write every possible reason down?”

“Yup,” sounds the brief response. Stiles is already typing vigorously while browsing the internet.

Scott rolls his eyes. “How is the internet going to help us?”

Stiles shoots him a disgusted look. “It’s the internet, Scott.”

Scott shrugs a little, his left hand starting to pick at the sheets. “Okay, sorry,” he mutters.

“Abuse!” Stiles then suddenly shouts. He gets up and writes it down onto the board.

His best friend scoffs. “Liam isn’t getting abused. I don’t think I’ve ever even heard about someone bullying him.”

“That’s not what this is about, okay, Scott?” Stiles sighs. “It’s called brainstorming. We’re just putting down everything we can possibly think of and then we’ll go over the options one by one.”

Scott nods. “Okay.” He thinks for a minute. “Maybe he’s being abused at home, then.”

“Good. That’s it,” Stiles comments, writing it down. “Maybe the cut actually was an accident, but what really happened is too embarrassing to tell.”

“Could be,” Scott nods along, even though something inside of him tells him that’s not it.

“And, of course,” Stiles says, “there’s always the possibility that Liam’s not lying…” He throws Scott an apologetic look, but Scott realizes that it’s still an option. He hums affirmatively.

Stiles crawls back behind his laptop and Scott takes his phone out of his pocket. They both search the web, but neither of them finds anything for a while. It takes time and Googling ‘reasons for cuts’ or ‘what causes cuts’ isn’t very helpful.

After half an hour, when Scott’s about to give up, Stiles breaks the silence.

“Have you ever heard of self-mutilation?”

Scott frowns, getting up from the bed and moving behind Stiles to be able to look at the screen with him. “No? What’s that?”

“Apparently it’s a general word for inflicting harm to oneself. The topic is quite dark, but…”

“What does it say?” Scott wonders, his voice a little lower. He scoots closer behind his friend, chin almost resting on Stiles’ shoulder.

“It says that...people who suffer from a mental disorder often turn to hurting themselves. This can be executed in several ways, from something as simple as severe nail biting to burning, from purposely falling down the stairs to…” Stiles sighs. “…Cutting.”

“You’re saying Liam might have done it to himself…?” Scott presumes, having a hard time comprehending the possibility.

“It’s an option,” Stiles says, turning his head so he can lock eyes with his friend. In synchronized motion they turn to the board and Scott watches Stiles write it down. He even underlines the word.

“There’s no way Liam would do something like that,” Scott says. He has taken Stiles’ seat behind the computer. “He isn’t suffering from depression or anything like that. He always seems chatty and he’s always smiling. You know his best friend? Mason? I’ve seen them joking around a lot at school. There’s no way he’s unhappy or thinking about…you know…”

Stiles is now behind Scott. “Yeah? Well, read this,” he says, pointing at a paragraph a little further down the screen.

Scott’s eyes follow the lines, his lip caught between his teeth. “Oh.”

“People don’t have to be crying all the time to be suffering from depression, Scott. They still experience joy. It’s just that…” Stiles pauses, reading a bit more. “I think it’s just that, when they’re feeling sad, they don’t know how to deal with it and they move to these extreme solutions. Besides, what do we actually know about Liam? We don’t hang out with him nor do we have anything in common, except for lacrosse.”

Scott nods silently; slowly. His head is pounding and even though he’s trying very hard to deny it, the boulder in his stomach has just become heavier, telling him all of this is somehow making sense. Even though it’s heart breaking to even think about.

“Do you really think Liam’s depressed?” he asks, slumping back into the seat.

Stiles puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know, man…” he sighs. “…But it’s a possibility.”

That night, Scott’s having trouble falling asleep. He keeps picturing Liam alone in his room, unhappy, maybe even crying, then suddenly taking a knife and…

He huffs out another of many breaths, rolling onto his other side again. He can’t seem to get comfortable in his bed. The mattress won’t suck him in like it usually does and his pillow just keeps adding tension into his neck. It’s past two in the morning when sleep finally catches him; taking advantage of the exhaustion from his overthinking.

The Friday after, there’s lacrosse practice again, and, on Stiles’ advice, Scott’s keeping a close eye on Liam. If he really is depressed, there is no way he can fake being happy all the time. There has to be some moments when his mask will slip off.

But it doesn’t. Much to Scott’s annoyance, Liam’s smiley, excited and fun as ever, which means Scott has to wait until the end of practice, when they need to shower. Never has he wished for someone to be shirtless so badly. Okay, maybe during make out sessions with Allison. Then he would pray to every God for her to take her shirt off.

But those were moments elicited from excitement and this was one from anxiety. This moment was going to be scary; confrontational.

Scott watches Liam during the entire training session. He’s doing well, very well, actually, which Scott isn’t because he’s unfocused and distracted. Coach is giving him shit for it, and Scott tries to care about his leadership of the team, but he can’t. He keeps watching Liam intently without any regard for the rest of the world. Stiles has noticed this, but has so far refrained from commenting on it. He knows his friend too well to try and make him snap back into reality. It would be no use, not when Scott’s caring about someone else’s well-being. It’s such a sweet quality, but at times also a little self-destructive. It causes Scott to forget to take care of himself. A trait that ironically enough, would Liam really be harming himself, could relate to.

The final blow of the whistle sounds like music to Scott’s ears, the boy keeping track of the subject of his attention while the team moves to the locker rooms. Scott tries to blend in, chatting along about the weekend that has just started, acting as casually as he can, and trying not to show he’s secretly spying on the boy. During a brief chatter with Stiles about the game tomorrow, the one where he’ll finally be playing, Scott notices Liam’s taking off towards the showers.

He nudges his best friend, which is enough for Stiles to follow him and both boys remain quiet while they try to spot Liam. Scott squints his eyes, trying to see through the steam to catch a glimpse of Liam’s arm. Unfortunately, he fails, because when he looks to the left, Liam’s body is clean and he’s towelling himself off.

“Any luck?” Stiles whispers into Scott’s ear as they walk back to their lockers.

“No. You?”

“Nothing. Couldn’t see.”

Scott’s cheeks fill with air before they empty themselves through his mouth. “Alright, just…just keep watching him, okay?”

“Don’t mind if I do…” Stiles mumbles, eying Liam, who has just put on a clean pair of boxers.

Scott glares from behind the door of his locker, watching while Liam’s putting on more and more clothes and, with that, lowering the chance of Scott spotting something unusual. Liam sits down on the bench, rendering Scott totally unable to see the backs of his arms. The boy puts on his socks before getting up again. From his bag he retrieves a long sleeved shirt and Scott’s heart sinks into his stomach. But Liam looks at the clothing before he starts straightening it out and putting it down next to him, carefully looking for a dry spot on the bench. Air leaves Scott’s lungs in relief when Liam grabs his jeans. He has trouble getting them on, the jeans being too skinny to get over his calves just by putting them on while standing. Scott curses inwardly, because it means Liam has to sit down again, his wrist out of sight.

When his bare feet are finally poking out from the legs of his pants, Liam stands back up. Then, Scott suddenly notices the belt and he can feel his heartbeat rising when he realizes Liam has to fasten it. It almost bursts out of his chest when the boy turns to his right as well, causing his left wrist to become visible.

And that’s when Scott sees it. The observation hits him as quickly and with as much ferocity as getting hit by a train passing an intersection.

There’s a second cut on Liam’s arm.

It’s situated almost parallel to the first one, but a little further down. Scott can only identify that much in a fraction of a glance, but it’s there. He’s sure. Well, he’s ninety-nine per cent sure.

He throws a hastened look at Stiles, who only nods at him sternly. That grants Scott the last per cent he needs to walk up to Liam.

“Barbed wire again?” he confronts him, pointing at Liam’s wrist.

Liam looks, his shocked expression clear in almost every single one of his facial features. He opens his mouth to respond, but then seems to change his mind, and from the way Liam’s face falls, Scott knows the boy realizes he has been caught.

“We have to talk. I’ll meet you outside in ten minutes, okay?” It sounds like a question, but it's not, so Scott softens his jawline to take some of the harshness away.

Liam has averted his gaze shamefully. He just nods quickly, covering his wrist with his right hand.

It’s enough of a confirmation for Scott, a sense of success washing over him. He has achieved his goal. After watching Liam for three days straight it has now finally paid off. The smile on his face almost reaches from ear to ear as he turns back around.

But that feeling of accomplishment fades rapidly, like snowflakes in the warm sunlight, when he catches Stiles’ gaze. The earnest look in his eyes snaps Scott straight back to reality, like a hammer hitting an anvil, making him realise that this isn’t something to be proud of.

This is serious.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

Fifteen minutes later Scott’s standing outside at the front doors of the school. His backpack’s strapped tightly against his back and he’s rocking back and forth on the balls of his heels. After a while he leans against the brick wall, sheltering himself from the cold breeze that keeps scraping at his skin.

The doors open next to him. Agitatedly, he looks up, holding his breath. Unfortunately it’s just a couple of girls walking out. The air is released from his lungs.

Scott checks the time on his phone again, witnessing the passing of seconds, of minutes. Maybe he has just missed Liam. Why did he ask to meet him outside, anyway? He should’ve confronted him when he had had the chance.

But Scott knows why. This isn’t something that should be discussed with other people around. The conversation Scott’s planning requires privacy, or else Liam is unlikely to open up. Scott would be surprised if he even would now, given the fact that they're just vague acquaintances, not even the slightest form of friends.

Again and again, several students walk out of the school. Scott keeps throwing hasty looks over his shoulder; looks that change into disappointment when he notices none of them are Liam. When his waiting time has doubled, he starts to think Liam has used a back door and isn’t going to show up.

Scott sighs, his breath forming clouds in the air before him. He shouldn’t push Liam this much. It’s only doing the exact opposite of what Scott wants to accomplish, actually chasing him away. Above him the sun is trying to pierce through the thin layer of clouds. He has to squint against the glimmers of its light behind the onyx coloured curtain.

The helmet that he had neglected on the pavement next to him is picked up, flattening Scott’s hair as he puts it on. He checks that his backpack hasn’t loosened as he walks down to the parking lot. One last look is thrown towards the doors before he attempts to throw his leg over his bike.

And there’s Liam.

From afar, Scott can just make out the naïve look on the boy’s face. He appears a little disappointed, but also apologetic and understanding, like a puppy that knows it has done something wrong, but just couldn't help itself. It’s so innocent that it makes Scott steps away from his motorcycle. He moves back to his original spot while Liam sends him a small wave.

“I thought you had already left,” Scott says, sounding a bit unsure.

Liam nods. “Yeah, no, I know. I just…” He bites his lip, walking down the few steps, levelling himself with Scott.

“…You just weren’t sure if you wanted to come,” the older one finishes his sentence.

Liam gives a small shrug in response. His hair is still damp from the earlier shower; strands of it have fallen over his forehead. It doesn’t have the upward spike shape it usually has, making him look even younger.

“So what do you wanna talk about?” Liam wonders when they’ve cut a corner, away from the school’s entrance.

Scott blinks at him for a moment, disbelieving. “About what’s going on with your arm,” he says, restraining himself from sounding too obvious.

“What do you want to know?”

“How they got there.”

“I told you. I fell of my bike,” Liam says in a dreary voice. The monotonous tone makes Scott feel like there’s no room for discussion, but he pursues.

“And the second one?”

Liam averts his gaze towards the ground. His feet kick the pavement a couple of times and some moments later Scott has a look as well, for Liam must have seen something really interesting to have been staring at it for such a long while.

“Are you okay?” he then breaks the silence.

“I’m fine.”

Scott frowns. Liam suddenly looks back up again with this broad smile and Scott’s frown deepens. He cocks his head to the side a little, glaring at Liam’s straight teeth and his soft looking lips. His smile seems so real, but when Scott looks up into his eyes, they hint to the opposite. Liam must know this too, because a second later the ground below him has caught his interest again.

“Where did the second one come from?” Scott repeats his question.

Liam scoffs softly, followed by a barely audible, “I fell off my bike again?”

Scott’s frown shifts into something a little more annoyed, the guy taking a step back. He’s starting to feel offended, like Liam is playing a joke on him. As if, later, he and his friend Mason will laugh at how stupid Scott was acting. His reluctance to talk makes Scott feel like a total idiot, like a policeman following the wrong lead; accusing someone of something profoundly insane.

“Why don’t you just tell me?” Scott tries again.

Another shrug.

“I think I already know, anyway…” he then endangers himself.

Liam glances at him from the corners of his eyes. “Yeah? Then tell me,” he dares.

Scott shifts his weight onto his other leg, scratching his neck. Discomfort creeps into his muscles. “I think it would be better if you’d tell me yourself,” he lies, because he actually has no idea if that would actually be better. The only thing he does know is that he wants to get to the bottom of this and not give Liam an easy way out by confirming one of Scott’s speculations. Liam could easily be lying again.

“This talk is stupid. I’m gonna go,” Liam then cuts it off. He attempts to walk past Scott, but in a tenth of a second the older guy notices a glimmer in Liam’s eyes and suddenly he proves to be really fucking quick, because before either of them realizes what’s happening, Scott has put a firm hand onto Liam’s shoulder.

“Tell me,” Scott now demands. His face is only a few inches away from Liam’s, forcing him to look up at him. That worrisome glimmer is still there, but the rest of Liam’s facial features are starting to show honest irritation.

“Why?” he fires back. “It’s not like you would understand. We’re not even friends. We’re nothing.”

The venom that drips from Liam’s words catches Scott off guard, paralyzing him for a second before he straightens his back. “We could be friends.”

“You’re pathetic,” Liam hisses. “Go and be someone else’s hero.”

But there’s still this quiet shimmer covering Liam’s irises, as if the ocean colour in his eyes is materialising, watering his vision.

Scott’s stare proves to be unyielding. “No.”

Liam tries to shake himself loose from Scott’s hand, but Scott tightens his grip. Something inside his chest rises, like a ball of lightning that’s being fed more and more electricity, until it reaches its maximum voltage, jolting through Scott's body with such a force that he caves.

“Do you cut yourself?”

Liam’s eyes widen, strong lines in his face softening. When he blinks, tears start to fall from his eyes. As a last resort, he presses his lips together, the skin on them turning white, but it’s in vain. Scott doesn’t need to hear that he’s right. The way Liam’s body reacts to his question tells him enough; his limbs ripple into shocks, his nostrils widen and narrow from the quickened breaths he’s inhaling to stay calm, his risen pulse visible in the vein in his neck.

A mere second later, Scott pulls him close. The hand he had placed on Liam’s shoulder trails to the boy’s neck, squeezing it gently. He can feel Liam’s body against his, but there’s no sound of crying or sobbing. There’s just this simple gesture that supposedly could be identified as a hug, but isn’t really since Liam isn’t hugging back; all his focus is being put into keeping himself together. And Scott understands this, because being so vulnerable in front of someone is terrifying and they’re not friends.

They’re not friends.

After Liam’s crying – or something in that sense – has subsided, Scott offers to sit down. The coldness of the concrete creeps through their jeans, but accompanied with the feeling of the brick wall against their backs somehow grounds them.

“Why did you lie to me?” Scott wants to know. He has put one leg under him, hands on his knees.

Liam smiles a little, still reluctant to make eye contact with Scott. “Well, how do you tell someone you hurt yourself?” he says. “It sounds weak and kinda…”

“…Scary.”

Liam doesn't reply to that.

Scott nods softly, quietly letting the back of his head fall against the stones behind him. The sun still hasn’t managed to break through the clouds.

“Does Mason know?”

“Nah.”

“Your parents?”

“Nope.”

“Did you tell anyone at all?”

Liam scoffs. “Technically I didn’t even tell you.”

A sense of pride overcomes Scott, but he guiltily locks that feeling into a box and hides it away. “So…why do you…you know?”

Finally, Liam catches his gaze. “You can say it. It’s alright,” he ensures.

“Okay…” Scott frowns, sitting up a little more and closing the distance between them ever so slightly. “Why do you hurt yourself?”

The corners of Liam's mouth creep up a little while he has gone back to staring at the nothingness in front of them. Scott wonders why he does that – smile – because someone shouldn’t be smiling after being asked such a question. His face falls a little when he realizes that sometimes people tend to smile subconsciously, to lessen the weight, and to take the seriousness out of a situation. Because sometimes reality is just too cruel. And those thoughts sadden Scott. He wants Liam’s smile to be genuine.

“It’s hard to explain.”

“Can you try?”

Liam seems to be thinking about it. The air between them starts to weigh them down even more and Scott has never felt so desperate to want to understand something – not even Chemistry.

“Are you sure you want to know? It’s quite a long story,” Liam warns, breaking Scott's heart even more.

“I’m sure.”

The boy exhales deeply. He has started pulling at the weeds poking out from the sidewalk. “I guess it all comes down to my I.E.D.,” he tells him. “I have a problem with aggression. I don’t know exactly why, but I tend to blow up when I get too frustrated. They diagnosed it at my old school, which is also the reason I got kicked out. Something happened on the lacrosse field and my coach benched me for the rest of the season. I freaked out and trashed his car with a crowbar.”

“Okay…” mumbles Scott. He changes his sitting position, pulling his knees up to his chest in a nervous behavior. He wraps his arms around his legs, sheltering himself from the discomforting feeling he’s starting to get in his limbs.

“I know. It’s a lot. And we haven’t even gotten to the good part yet,” Liam scoffs.

Scott grimaces.

“Anyway…I felt guilty for what had happened and made a promise to myself to never let things get that far out of control again. But it didn’t make my explosions go away…I still experience them, only now, I focus them on myself.”

Scott bites his lip. “So, instead of, like, punching the wall, you punch…” he air quotes the word, “…yourself?”

Liam shakes his head a little. “Yes, but also not really. It’s a bit more complicated.”

“How so?"

Liam sighs. “It’s like…” he thinks for a moment. “I can feel myself getting worked up and then I remind myself to stay calm, but then I remember I have to let it out. I need to vent all that frustration somewhere and then I just get into my own head. On one hand, I think I should push it down, but on the other, I’m convinced I should throw it out. And that just keeps going on and on and on until I feel like I’m going crazy. It’s almost like I’m in this…fight…with myself and at one point I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“So that’s when you cut.”

Liam makes a humming sound in the back of his throat.

“I still don’t see how that helps…” Scott admits passively, quietly hoping him having a hard time sympathizing won’t push Liam away again.

“It calms me down. Somehow, it extinguishes the thoughts…” Liam explains. “See it as…you’re trying to cross a very busy road, cars rushing by you from one side to another and then, suddenly, you have the ability to stop time, so you do and cross the road. Now, the busy road is my mind and the cars rushing in opposing directions are my contradictory thoughts. The ability to stop time is me hurting myself. After that, I can finally cross the road and I'm back to my old self again.”

“Yeah, but it costs you…” Scott mumbles, gesturing towards Liam’s sleeve covered arm.

Liam shrugs, rubbing at the spot where his cuts are. “Hey, they’re just cuts. They heal. They don’t kill me and if that’s what it takes…”

Scott frowns at him. “You're making it sound like it’s nothing.”

Liam turns his head. “Isn’t it?”

Scott wants to say no. He wants to tell him it’s not okay to hurt yourself, but somehow he finally understands where Liam’s coming from. It doesn’t make it right, but it still somehow justifies the entire situation. Empathy is a tricky thing.

“It doesn’t kill me,” Liam repeats.

That makes Scott’s ears perk up. “Do you want it to? Sometimes?”

“Do I want what?”

“Do you sometimes want it to kill you?”

Liam has returned to picking at the street. “I don’t know. I guess I wouldn’t mind… I mean, I’m not scared of it…”

Scott sits back a little, visibly shocked. “Dude, that’s not normal.”

The other shrugs. “I don’t think of it as this big thing. We come and we go, don’t we?”

“Well, yeah… But it’s still a big thing,” Scott tells him. “You can’t kill yourself. I mean, there are people here that love you; think of your family and friends, they would be devastated if you weren't here anymore. Besides, life’s not all bad. It can be good as well. You just need to focus on the positive things.”

Liam nods slowly. Suddenly, he turns back to Scott, smiling broadly. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be so negative all the time.”

Scott perks up. “Yeah, exactly! There are good things as well. I mean, you’re great at lacrosse. Like, I’m actually scared Coach is going to make you captain. And I’m sure there are other things you’re good at.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t take it from you,” Liam assures.

Scott blows a raspberry. “Hey, if it’s better for the team, then do.”

Liam chuckles. “Alright. Can I go now? Because I actually have to go home.”

“I never told you you couldn't,” Scott says.

“You sounded kind of persuasive in the locker room, though.”

“Fine, okay. I’m sorry about that. I was just worried about you, that’s all. I tend to go a little extreme when I worry.”

“That’s not a bad quality.”

Scott smiles, shying away a little.

“Okay, have a nice weekend,” Liam says, getting up from the ground. Scott does the same.

“You too,” he responds. “And no more hurting yourself, okay?”

Liam’s lips form a smile. “Okay.”

Scott grins, watching Liam take off. He grabs the straps of his backpack, wiggling his shoulders a little, proud of himself.

All the while not noticing the sun still hasn’t come out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

In the evening, just after Scott and his dad have cleaned up the dishes – which already isn’t a fun chore by itself, and not even remotely better when he has to do it with him – the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it!” Scott calls, relieved that he has an excuse to exit the kitchen and, with that, has an escape from the awkward tension.

He opens up, not surprised to see his best friend there, looking a bit…disappointed, to say the least.

“So? How did it go?”

“How did what go?” Scott asks, tilting his head in confusion.

“Your talk? With Liam? How did it go?” Stiles answers, flicking his hands in an annoyed matter. “You know, I’m surprised you didn’t call right after, given the fact I dedicated like, what? Four hours? To help you figure things out?”

Scott ogles him. “Oh. Right.” He smiles sheepishly. “Sorry. Come in, I’ll tell you all about it.”

Stiles mutters a ‘finally’ as he steps into the hallway. Scott closes the door behind him and his dad emerges from the kitchen.

“Stiles,” he greets his best friend, “I see your jeep still hasn’t given up on you.”

“She’s a tough one,” Stiles replies, lips parted a little. He holds up his thumb.

“What are you boys up to?”

“Nothing. Just gonna go upstairs, play videogames or something,” Scott answers, walking past the Agent.

“Well, try to keep it down, okay? I brought home some work I really need to look into.”

“Roger that,” Stiles jokes awkwardly, following Scott’s footsteps. “Affirmative. Eh. You know it. Keeping it down.”

Scott rolls his eyes, turning around and yanking Stiles up the stairs, almost causing him to trip.

“God, I hate that guy,” Stiles says when they’re in Scott’s room and when the door is shut. Scott turns around to look at Stiles, who shrugs a little. “I know. I know, not cool.”

“He’s still my dad, you know.”

“Sure. I just think it was a dick move of him to leave you guys all those years ago. Has he even yet explained that, by the way?”

“He hasn’t,” Scott answers, sitting down into his desk chair.

“And that doesn’t bother you?”

“I don’t know. I’m not so sure if I want to know either, honestly,” Scott says, pondering.

Stiles nods, sitting down onto the bed across from Scott. “Yeah….” He seems to invert himself into his thoughts. After a while, when Scott finds the silence is becoming a little too heavy, he breaks it.

“So, about Liam…”

“Yes! Liam! That’s why I’m here. How was it?”

“Quite good, actually,” Scott says. The tip of his toes are touching the floor, spinning him from left to right on the chair. “We were right.”

“How did he tell you?”

Scott smiles a little. “He didn’t, really. I sort of guessed it and he broke.”

“So he confessed?”

Scott hums.

Stiles blinks a couple of times, nodding slowly. “So…that means he really is hurting himself, huh?” he says, tones of astonishment in his voice.

“Yeah…” Scott breathes. “Or, more like, he was.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s not going to anymore. I reminded him of his family and friends and stuff, so now he’s fine,” Scott explains.

Stiles looks a little puzzled. “And you’re sure of that?”

“Well, he said so.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“You don’t trust him, do you?”

Stiles sighs, obviously looking for words.

“I’m not saying I don’t trust him. I just think that…you shouldn’t be too hasty believing him.”

Scott frowns. “Why not?”

“Well, what exactly did you tell him?”

Scott sighs, scratching his head. “I told him he should look at the positive things in his life and he agreed he was looking more at the negative side, then he said he wouldn’t anymore.”

“And you think it’s just that easy?”

Scott thinks for a while, biting his bottom lip. “Yeah…?”

“Hmm.”

“What?! Dude, come on, just tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t know, Scott. It sounds like you wanted him to change the way he thinks, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I just don’t think it can be done just like that.”

“Why not? I can do it. And I’m sure you can as well.”

Stiles lets out a deep breath. “I know we can, but that doesn’t mean he can. This thing…I’m sure it’s a lot more complicated than we think.”

Scott’s eyebrows knit together. “What? You mean like Chemistry?”

Stiles scoffs. “A little like that, yeah.” He sits up a bit more. “You know, with Chemistry, there’s…basic elements, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you understand those, don’t you?”

“I know their atom numbers and abbreviations?”

“Right. Exactly,” Stiles confirms. “But it starts getting complicated when those elements are going into a chain reaction with one another, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“So…” Stiles gestures with his hands. “…Maybe it’s the same with Liam.”

“You’re saying Liam’s having a chemical reaction?” Scott chuckles.

“No. No, Scott, I’m not saying Liam—that would be ridiculous, who would say something—ugh, just focus, okay? I’m saying you might understand the basics, but not the entire thing. I mean, I’m sure it comes down to looking at the positive things, I just don’t think that’s easy for him.”

“Oh,” Scott whispers, rubbing his upper arm. He falls still for a moment, staring at the carpet in his bedroom. Its red colour takes him in and he tries to put himself in Liam's shoes. How is he ever going to teach Liam to be more positive? After a moment, he looks up at Stiles with clear fault on his face.

“Oh, come on, man, stop with the puppy face,” Stiles says, getting up from the bed. He moves over to Scott, crouching in front of him, hands on his knees. “You don’t have to do the disappointed puppy face, because the disappointed puppy face is only for situations when you actually are a disappointed puppy and you’re not now. I’m just trying to be honest with you.”

Scott nods silently. “I know. It’s just that…I thought I had helped him.”

Stiles smiles. “I know. And maybe you did. I’m just reminding you that you shouldn’t neglect Liam now and then later feel guilty when you figure out things aren’t solved for him.”

The beat look on his Scott’s face fades. “I get that. You’re just trying to prepare me for the worst.”

“The only thing I’m good at,” Stiles says with a lopsided smile, followed by a wink.

Scott laughs. Due to Stiles’ anxiety, the boy always tends to have a negative outlook on things. He’s probably a bit like Liam, Scott thinks, only Stiles can deal with it. If Scott could just take those traits from Stiles and put them into Liam, then all would be good. Maybe Stiles should talk to him, not Scott.

“Doesn’t that ever depress you?” he therefore prompts.

Stiles gives him a surprised look, but then, as a mind reader, understands where Scott’s coming from. “Not really. Expecting the worst means I can never be disappointed. I mean, basically, everything that happens to me is always way better than I imagined it to be.”

“’Yeah, but still, isn’t that why you’re so nervous all the time?”

“Probably,” Stiles nods. “But...” He looks up into Scott’s eyes. “Hey, I’m fine. It’s just who I am: son of a Sheriff; always expecting the worst. I can deal with it.”

Scott nods, staring down at his best friend. “Thanks, man.”

“Don’t mention it,” Stiles says, patting Scott’s shoulder as he gets up. “Come on, let’s actually play some videogames. It’s the weekend!”

Stiles distracts Scott into deep in the night, knowing all too well Scott will start worrying when he leaves. Therefore, his hug is warm and genuine before he steps out of the door. Scott waves him goodbye as Stiles drives off. He flicks off the lights in the hallway, noticing the glimmer from the living room where his dad is still working, before walking up the stairs and undressing himself for bed. When his head hits the pillow, the expected happens and Scott’s lying there, thinking about Liam; wondering how he’s doing, what he’s doing now and how he’s feeling. Maybe he’s having a hard moment, while Scott’s thinking of him. Maybe Liam needs someone right now, but thinks no one’s there for him.

Scott sighs, turning onto his side. Right before he closes his eyes, he promises himself he will get Liam’s phone number next time he sees him.

After that, Monday rolls around quite quickly, the weekend has been great. Not necessarily in Scott’s mind, but in his actions. He played a good game Saturday afternoon, as did Stiles. Apparently Liam had fallen ill and did show up. Fortunately, their team still won, so afterwards they celebrated by hanging out with Lydia, Malia and Kira in the evening. They mostly talked to each other; Lydia to Malia about her upcoming Maths test, while Scott shot warning looks towards Stiles to not tell her he's struggling with Chemistry. At one point the conversation turned to the players of the team, and with that, to Liam. Stiles told what had been going on between Scott and Liam, and Scott was fine with that, knowing his friends can keep a secret. He even admitted being worried that he wasn't there today.

He meets Lydia midday; they both have a free period. Her strawberry blond hair’s glimmering, even with TL-lights on them and Scott almost wants to ask if she washes it with some special shampoo, but refrains, knowing it will grant him a full description of her beauty products. And while Scott’s fond of Lydia, that’s a bit too much.

“Have you seen Liam yet?” she asks as soon as Scott has sat down next to her in the library.

“Nope. Not yet. Is he here then?”

“Yes, he is,” she says, smirking a little. Scott frowns suspiciously at her and then she continues, “I have.”

Scott’s eyes widen. “You have?”

“Yup.” She turns a page in her English book. Some historical novel she has to read. By the way she’s looking at it, Scott can easily assume she already knows it.

“Did you…notice anything?”

Lydia shakes her head, eyes fixed on the pages in front of her. “Nope. He’s wearing a jumper.”

Scott nods slowly. “Did he at least sound like he has been sick?”

Lydia shows him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Scott.”

“Right.” He exclaims a muffled sigh, which sounds more like a grunt; a symbol of his slight frustration.

“I do have something else for you, though,” Lydia speaks up after a while. The mysterious tone in her voice makes Scott perk up and scoot closer.

“What?” he wonders, voice low. “What do you have?”

The smirk on Lydia’s red painted lips grows even more mischievous. She doensn’t looked up from her book. “I’ll tell you,” she says. “I might even give it to you.”

Scott gapes at her, starting to get a bit impatient. “So…?”

“But first, I want to know why you’ve been failing Chemistry and haven’t told me about it,” she says, finally catching Scott’s gaze.

Scott backs down a bit. “You know your hair looks amazing today, tell me again which brand of shampoo you use?”

“Nice try,” Lydia grins. “But thanks.” She slides a hand through her hair, before narrowing her eyes. “But tell me.”

Scott averts his eyes nervously. “W-Well, I… I haven’t seen you as much-”

“You saw me two days ago.”

“Yeah! But it didn’t…come up, so…besides, you’ve mostly been busy with-”

Lydia gives him a stern look. A warning.

“A certain deputy we don’t speak of…”

She nods, satisfied.

“…And with all the stuff happening with Liam, I just kinda forgot to mention it.”

Lydia nods, but Scott can tell she doesn’t find his excuses sufficient enough. “I’m tutoring you,” she announces.

Scott groans. “No, Lyd’, please, I don’t need your help, I promise. I’m fine, I just need to put more time into it and-”

Lydia slams her book shut, startling Scott a little and revealing a notebook he hadn't noticed earlier. Upon reading the title, he slumps down into his seat even more, rubbing his forehead as he voices his misery.

“Let’s go over my notes.”

“No, please, I promise I’ll be good-”

“Shush it.”

Scott pouts angrily, like a child who has been declined a cookie. “You’re worse than my mom, you know.”

“And hotter.”

“That’s offensive.”

“As is not telling your friends that you’re failing.”

She opens her notebook.

“But…look! Look, your notes are so diffi-”

Lydia stops her movement, giving Scott a fierce look, instantly making him shut up.

“Fine…” he grumbles.

“Alright, so, we’ll start easy. What do you get when you mix an acid and a base?"

“How did you find out I’m failing any-?”

“Concentrate!” She flicks her pen at his fingers.

So Scott spends his free period studying, and even though he’s careful not to admit it; Lydia does actually help. She proves to be much more patient than she often comes across and, in the end, Scott finally starts to understand what she’s saying.

“Well done!” she praises him after his first – and only – right answer. “Now, we’ll just need to practice every day for an hour or two and then I’m sure you’ll do great on your next test. When’s that again?”

Scott averts his eyes. “Thursday…” he mumbles.

“Make it four hours.”

Scott lets his head fall onto the table, accepting his fate. “Okay…”

“Now, as a reward…”

He perks back up again, turning his head, watching Lydia retrieve a piece of crumpled paper from her Prada bag. She hands it over, the note caught between two fingers. “You’re welcome,” she says.

“What’s that?” Scott asks curiously, taking the note from her. He expects it to be some sort of key answer for the upcoming test, but can’t recall an atom with that many numbers.

“Liam’s phone number,” Lydia answers proudly.

Scott looks at the paper, then back at his friend. “What? How did you know I wanted that?”

Lydia smirks. “Haven’t you heard?” She looks around cautiously, like she’s about to tell a secret, moving her lips close to Scott’s ear. “I’m psychic.”

Scott shivers from the feeling of her breath on his skin.

She giggles. “I’m kidding. I just figured it would come in helpful. Guys’ phone numbers always are at some point.”

Scott smiles brightly at her. “You’re the best. Thank you.”

Lydia shrugs. “It’s nothing. I used to do the same for Allison all the time.” She opens her book again. “Besides, what are friends for?”

Scott takes one of her hands in his, making her lock eyes with him. “Thanks, really.”

Lydia stares at him for a moment before blinking a couple of times and turning her head back. Her emerald eyes glimmer a little. “It’s fine. Now go. Go text him or something,” she dismisses him.

Scott gets up, excitedly gathering his things. He leaves the library after looking around once more, catching Lydia wiping one of her eyes with her pinky.

The smile on Scott’s face is genuine.

During History, Mr. Yukimura’s words sail right past Scott. He’s holding his phone under his desk, ready to send Liam a text, figuring he should start with a simple ‘hey’.

The phone buzzes quickly after that.

‘Who’s this?’

Right. He should’ve seen that one coming.

‘It’s Scott. How are you?’

‘Scott? How did you get my number?’

He rolls his eyes at himself; should’ve seen that one coming as well. Stalker much? This is going great so far.

‘From Lydia.’

‘The flirty red head?’

Scott shakes his head. At least now he knows how she got it.

‘Yeah…sorry about that.’

‘It’s okay. But you could’ve just asked?’

Scott’s lips curl into a hint of a smile. ‘I wanted to, but she beat me to it.’

He looks up at the schoolboard, but so much writing has been added since he last looked up that Scott figures focusing now would be in vain. He gives his phone his attention again.

‘Why did you want my number, anyway?’

He thinks for a bit, but then decides to just be honest.

‘I just wanted to talk. Do you have any plans after school?’

‘Not really.’

‘Wanna hang out?’

He tenses the grip on his phone as he waits for a reply. It doesn’t come for a while, so he starts tapping his foot nervously onto the floor. After what feels like an eternity, his phone buzzes again.

‘Sure.’

Scott exhales a sigh of relief.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

He meets Liam two hours later, outside, once again at the entrance of the school.

“Is this going to be a thing?” Liam jokes when he has walked down the steps.

“Only if you want it to,” Scott answers casually, giving a small shrug. It’s the first joke they've made together; it’s nice, taking the heaviness out of their fragile relationship.

Liam glances away shyly as Scott smiles at him. They stand in front of each other awkwardly, the younger boy shifting his weight to his other leg before Scott breaks the silence, “Do you want to grab a cup of coffee or something? I know there’s a café nearby.”

“Coffee?” Liam asks.

“Yeah. You heard of it?” Scott grins.

“I don’t like coffee,” Liam answers a little reluctantly. Scott tilts his head at him before deciding he isn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Then you can get tea or hot chocolate or something. Come on,” he says, already starting to walk off the school grounds.

He can hear hurried footsteps behind him and a mere second later, Liam’s walking alongside him.

“I hope Lydia wasn’t too up front,” Scott sounds a little apologetic.

Liam shakes his head, snickering. “Nah, it was alright, just a bit weird. She popped up out of nowhere and just started chattering. I even felt pretty flattered when she asked for my phone number.” He sighs. “Now I know why…”

Scott blinks at him. He hadn’t considered that Liam's feelings might have been hurt.

“Well, I wanted your phone number,” he prompts.

Liam gives him a weird look and then Scott realizes how that sounds. “I mean, because, you know,” he stutters, “because we had such a good talk the other day and it was nice, so, yeah, I just figured-” He finally stops blabbering when he notices the amusement on Liam’s face.

“That was really bad, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

Scott sighs. He can feel his heartbeat in his throat and the dull shade of red rustling on the skin of his cheeks. After shaking his head at himself, he looks up at the road in front of them again. Something has changed between the two of them. Scott can't can't really put his finger on it, but his limbs are buzzing. Maybe now that Liam's secret is out of the way, the boy can open up more easily. From the looks of it, Scott might even have an actual chance in befriending him. “So how have you been?”

“Good!” Liam nods, but there’s a familiar tone to his voice...one Scott’s starting to recognize as the tell that he's lying.

“Really?”

Liam’s eyes fall instantly and Scott's do the same. “I’ve been alright,” he rephrases.

“Have you…” Scott implies, before he remembers Liam had said it was okay to just say it, “…hurt yourself, since our talk?”

Liam’s body shrinks. He shrugs.

Something unsettling shifts the air between them and Scott’s stomach make a little turn. He looks up at Liam. “Oh…”

So Stiles had been right.

Suddenly, Liam ceases walking, stopping dead in his tracks like he has seen something terrifying and has frozen solid. Scott turns around, lines of confusion visible on his facial features. He raises his eyebrows at Liam, asking him what’s wrong without using any verbal communication.

Liam rubs his upper arm, visibly uncomfortable. 'Look, Scott,” he starts, “you seem like a nice guy, but maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

Scott’s confusion intensifies. “Not do what? We’re not doing anything. I’m just taking you out for coff-tea! I meant tea. Or hot chocolate.”

“Are you?” Liam asks, wrinkling his nose. “Because it seems more like you’re trying to help me.”

“I’m not!”

Liam gives him a look.

“Okay, maybe I am,” Scott confesses guiltily. “But I also think you’re cool and I like hanging out with you.” And that's true.

Now it’s Liam’s turn to be confused. “Name one thing you know about me.”

Scott blinks at him. “You, err…” He scratches the back of his head. “You like playing lacrosse!”

Liam scoffs. “See, you don’t know anything about me.”

“Well…” Scott kicks the pavement, grabbing hold of the straps of his backpack. “I know you might need a friend? And I can be a pretty great one, so…”

Liam’s eyebrows furrow and in a blur of a moment, Scott can see that certain glimmer in his eyes again. The wind blows a cold breeze across their faces, whipping up strands of Liam’s hair. Suddenly, the boy turns his back towards Scott. Scott reaches out, fearing the boy  might run off, but instead, Liam’s hands cover his eyes. Almost simultaneously, Scott kills the distance between them.

“Liam?” he asks, face stricken with surprise, voice laden with worry. He puts a hand on the boy’s shoulder, feeling him tremble a little. “Liam, why are you crying?”

Liam sniffs, wiping his eyes dry before he dares to look back at Scott. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry, because I know you want to help, but I’m not sure if you can. You don’t understand it. Even I don’t.” His nose has turned red from the cold and he wipes it quickly.

Scott purses his lips, cocking his head to the side. Liam’s words don’t strike him as an accusation - more like an explanation. There’s a hint of desperation in them that makes Scott want to wrap him up in his arms and take him into his lap, like something precious and small that he needs to cherish. And he decides that the impulse is a good one, so he surrenders himself to it.

His other arm trails around Liam’s neck and he pulls him a little closer. Liam’s body weight falls against Scott’s chest and Scott can feel him relax under his touch. He gently smiles down at him. The glimmer in Liam’s eyes is gone and for the first time Scott notices the ocean-like colour in them, though they’re still surrounded by a little red. Mesmerized for a moment, he shakes his head, snapping himself back into reality. “Come on, let’s get some tea."

Scott let's go, but notices he actually doesn't want to. There’s something about Liam’s frame that causes him to actually have to resist the urge to leave at least one arm around his shoulders, so he starts walking again.

“I prefer hot chocolate,” the boy softly says behind him.

And Scott smiles.

It’s not as busy in the café as Scott expected it to be. Then again, it’s Monday. Most people don’t dive into fun encounters at the start of their working week. They leave it for Friday.

The chairs are different colours and they’re set around small, round tables. The smell of coffee fills their senses, making Scott smile and Liam scrunch up his nose. The walls of the building consist mostly of glass, but it’s still surprisingly effective in keeping the wintery air outside out. It’s a comforting warmth, like that of home, so Scott takes off his coat.

"So, are you a marshmallow or a cream?"

Liam gives him a disturbed look. “What?”

“In your drink.”

“Oh!” he snickers in between exhaling deep breaths. “Cream’s fine.”

Scott throws him a lopsided smile and nods. He orders a large coffee and a hot chocolate with whipped cream, taking a few packets of sugar as well. Liam has settled down in a corner of the room. He’s taking out his wallet when Scott comes back over.

“It’s on me,” Scott dismisses his gesture.

Liam frowns a little, but avoids a discussion. Instead, he thanks Scott, who’s grinning happily at him. Scott sits down across from the boy, starting to unload the packets of sugar into his coffee.

“You take your coffee with four sugars?!” Liam exclaims.

Scott looks up, bluntly. “Yeah.”

Liam scoffs. “That way anyone likes coffee. Hell, I don’t even think you can call it coffee anymore. It’s more like a caffeine milkshake.”

Scott blinks, unaware of his odd habit. “Really? Then how do people drink it?”

“With milk or cream and one sugar at most,” Liam laughs. “You’re seriously telling me you didn’t know that?”

Scott’s eyes fall onto his cup before he looks back up at Liam again. He scans the room to see if any other people are doing what he’s doing and then it finally dawns on him. The look of horror and innocence on his face is practically theatrical, but it makes Liam laugh. Scott’s ears ring from the sound and suddenly the air in the room feels a bit warmer on his skin, like an unexpected ray of sunshine. Scott starts laughing as well.

When their laughter has died down, an awkward silence falls between them. Not that Scott’s noticing that, of course. He hasn’t stopped staring at Liam, who has started examining his orange cup. To make matters worse, Scott slumps down into his seat a little and bumps his feet against Liam’s. The younger one pulls them back, safely under his chair.

“I suck at Chemistry,” Scott suddenly blurts out. Liam raises an eyebrow at him.

“I do,” Scott continues, unaware of how random he’s sounding. “I don’t understand it. Lydia tutored me today, so maybe now it’s a little better, but yeah.”

Liam snickers, not really knowing how to respond to that. “Okay…”

“I think what’s happening to you is like Chemistry.”

Liam narrows his eyes a little suspiciously. “What do you mean?”

“You said I don’t understand you, and I probably don’t. So, it’s like Chemistry,” Scott gestures at him. “Which means you can tutor me.”

“Why do you want to understand me so badly?” Liam presses, wanting to know. His eyebrows have knitted together and he is biting his nail.

Scott shrugs lightly. “I don’t know. Probably because I worry about you.”

“You do?”

“Yeah! Like, when I’m in bed I think about you.”

Liam lets out another chuckle, because, once again, Scott isn’t registering his own words. He takes a sip from his drink, it finally having cooled down a bit. Scott’s still blowing on his.

“So, tutor me,” he says.

Liam sighs, sitting up a little. “Okay, err… I guess…” He turns to look outside for a bit. “I guess it’s kind of like the weather,” he says. “My moods just suddenly change. I can get crazily happy or really furious and sometimes I just get sad, without any explanation.”

“Like earlier, outside?”

“Yeah, like that.”

“I didn’t mean to make you cry, you know.”

There’s a soft chuckle in the back of Liam’s throat. “I know. It’s okay.”

“Are you still sad now?” Scott wonders, his eyes having narrowed a little.

Liam shakes his head. “Nope, I’m good. Right now I feel…content.”

“Content?”

“Yeah. Like I have it together.”

Scott nods understandingly. He glances outside as well, looking up at the thick clouds that threaten the sky. The coldness is somehow visible in the air and the world looks grey. If Liam’s moods really are like the weather, then his mind can be a sad place.

Liam moves across from him, catching Scott’s attention. He starts taking off his winter coat and Scott notices Lydia had been right. Liam’s wearing a jumper. A soft-looking purple one. It contrasts with the orange cup in front of him.

“I heard Stiles played a good game Saturday,” Liam offers.

Scott nods. “Yeah, he can actually be quite a good player, that is as long as he doesn’t get stuck inside his head too much. He’s so easily distracted; sometimes I’m even scared he will hurt himself.”

Liam chuckles. “I’ve noticed that. He can be a little careless.”

“A little?!” Scott responds. “He gets run over by other players because he doesn’t notice the ball has been flung his way. It’s crazy. Have you seen the movie ‘Up’? He’s like the dog: squirrel!”

Liam laughs out loud. “Do you always talk about your friends that way?”

“It’s true!” Scott laughs with him. “He’s a great guy. We’re brothers, sort of. But he can be so reckless. I still don’t understand how he’s doing so well at school.”

“He’s probably an easy learner,” Liam replies. “Unlike us. We have to suffer through each exam.”

“I take it your History test didn't go so well?”

“Failed it.”

Scott nods. “Maybe we can study together sometime. You know, keep each other motivated.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

Scott perks up. “If you want to, you can come over tomorrow evening? Lydia’s gonna be there as well, you know, tutoring me and all. I’m sure she can even help with your History. And if you can’t do tomorrow, we can do Wednesday evening.”

A little taken aback by Scott's eagerness, Liam avoids answering his initial question. “Is she coming to help you all week or something?”

“Four hours a day.”

Liam’s face shifts into one of clear disgust. “That’s horrible.”

“I know right? And she’s very strict, too.”

“You’re making it sound really appealing,” Liam chuckles at Scott’s lack of tact.

“Oh, no, but it’s great,” Scott adds to the joke. “Especially when she starts slapping your fingers with her pen every time you give the wrong answer. Somehow the metal clip thingy is always pointed downwards…”

Liam hisses from the very imaginable pain. “Ouch.”

They both perk up when a phone starts ringing near them. Scott doesn’t recognize the ringtone, but apparently Liam does, because he’s hurriedly searching his pockets.

“Hey, Mase,” he says when he has picked up. He shoots an apologetic look towards the guy across from him. “Yes. Yes, I’ll come to the mall this weekend.” Scott chuckles, shaking his head a little. “I know! I know it’s important. I said I’m coming, didn’t I?” Liam rolls his eyes, but snickers quietly nonetheless. “Alright. Okay. Stop stressing. Yes. Okay, bye.”

Then he kills the connection. “Mason has a date this Sunday, so he needs to buy an outfit,” he explains.

Scott nods, grinning widely. “I guess he’s nervous?”

“He’s always like that,” Liam answers. “He gets too excited and then freaks out.”

Scott laughs, taking another sip from his coffee before he clears his throat. “So…are you coming over tomorrow?”

Liam blinks a couple of times, but then remembers their earlier conversation. He exhales a deep breath, drumming his fingers on the table. There’s a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips. “Sure, why not? But the moment Lydia hits me, I’m out.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” Scott assures.

They both continue to take quiet sips of their drinks. In the meantime, dusk has started to fall around Beacon Hills and the café is slowly emptying.

“I have to admit,” Liam says after a while. “This is more fun than I expected it to be.”

Scott perks up, flashing a great smile. “See?! We can totally be friends. I mean, now I know you like hot chocolate.”

“And I know that you don’t actually like coffee,” Liam jokes.

“That's something we have both learned today,” Scott chuckles. “But before we go, I need to know one more thing about you.”

Liam frowns. “What’s that?”

“Are you planning on becoming team captain?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

That evening, after he has dropped Liam off at the bus stop – apparently the chain on his bike had broken the other day – Scott chooses to replace his Chemistry homework for some other homework, perfectly aware that Lydia’s going to kill him for it tomorrow. He start up his laptop, opening a new webpage, typing into the search bar ‘Depression’.

And thus begins Scott’s research, which lasts into the night. When his mother calls him downstairs for dinner, he tells her he’ll eat later. Finding he has the concentration span of a five year old, he wants to make use of the focused state he’s in.

Scott finds depression a depressing subject; and he can’t help but chuckle a little when he thinks that. Which he instantly feels bad about, because one shouldn’t laugh at depression. But then he remembers that Liam does the same thing – smile when things get too serious.

There are a bunch of emotions people suffering from depression go through; anxiety, shame, restlessness, guilt, hopelessness, emptiness, helplessness. If anything, Scott didn’t even think there were that many feelings. After that paragraph, there’s a few examples of what those emotions can result in. Scott’s heart sinks in his chest when he reads the word ‘suicide’. But he’s surprised when apparently there’s also possibilities of insomnia, excessive sleeping, aches, pains and loss of appetite. Coming to think of it, he hasn’t really seen Liam eat that much.

He opens a page on self-mutilation. It’s difficult, a whole lot of scientific and, Scott’s personal favourite; chemic, words that he takes a while to grasp the content of. He even has to read the same line a couple of times over again. The article finalizes with some psychological healthcare institutions and the phone number to the suicide hotline. Again, Scott shivers at the realization that such line is apparently needed in the world they live in.

But to his surprise, after looking at some more websites, he can’t really find anything on what causes depression. There’s some theories about childhood traumas or, for example, family deaths, or one of those combined with social exclusion. Apparently Liam was right, depression really is like the weather. It just happens to you, whether you always used to be a happy person or not, which is quite scary.

Nonetheless, researching like this is somewhat comforting Scott. At least now he feels like he understands Liam a bit better, which means he can sympathize. He also feels a little proud of himself, because, as it turns out, depression has a lot to do with thinking, as Scott - or better yet, Stiles - expected. It’s indeed true that Liam needs some positivity in his life, it’s just that it doesn’t come as easy for him as it does to others. Which is okay, because Scott is sure he can help with that.

It’s past 10 pm when the seventeen year old feels like he knows enough. He glances at his Chemistry book, which is lying unappealingly next to him on his desk. For a moment he hesitates, but then figures he’s way too tired, which he doesn’t blame himself for given the fact that he hadn’t been sleeping well this past week. All his worrying about Liam had been the result of that.

So, Scott gets up from his chair and undresses, ready for bed. He plugs his phone into the charger on his nightstand before flicking off the light. Immediately, the room fills with a quiet darkness, and ten minutes later, when his head is finally comfortable on the pillow, he decides to ruin that perfect peace and text Liam.

‘Looking forward to tomorrow,’ he types.

With a smile on his face, Scott hits send. A peaceful blanket tucks him in; the thought that if Liam’s feeling depressed right now, Scott has just given him something nice to hold onto, and even while avoiding having to ask and risking getting into an awkward conversation.

His phone buzzes and Scott’s heart skips a beat. He quickly opens his messenger, eyes squinting from the blinding light of the screen.

‘Me too. And thanks for the cocoa.’

A wave of heat rushes through Scott and he grins, locking his phone. Suddenly his mattress feels even softer than it did before. It absorbs him and a couple of minutes later Scott’s mind drifts off into a quiet sleep. Something he hasn’t had in a while.

The next Tuesday morning starts off well. It’s that one day in early February where Mother Nature seems to decide to grant all living creatures one day of hope; a small reminder that winter and coldness is not eternal and that spring is on its way. Therefore, the clouds have made way for the sun to shine and even though there aren’t many, Scott can hear birds chirping when he wakes up.

His mother has made breakfast and he gratefully accepts it, kissing her on the cheek before he crams it into his backpack.

“Why are you in such a hurry?” she asks.

“No reason. It’s just a nice day and I want to enjoy it,” he answers. “Oh, by the way, Lydia and Liam are coming over to study tonight.”

“Liam?”

“Yeah, Liam.”

“The boy who you thought was-”

“Yeah.”

Melissa frowns, a little taken aback. “So I take it you’re friends now, then?”

“Yup. He’s great,” Scott says. “Alright, got to go.”

"I will be at work!" Melissa McCall shouts after him as her son flashes out the door. She shakes her head, blowing at the surface of a cup of steaming coffee in her hands.

Once at school, Scott runs into Stiles in the hallway, who wraps an arm around his shoulders.

“I saw you and Liam leave school together yesterday,” he says. Scott raises his eyebrows at him expectantly. “Where did you guys go?”

“We had coffee,” Scott explains.

“And…?”

“And what?”

“Have we found out more?” Stiles asks impatiently.

“A little,” Scott answers. “But I also did some research online last night. It’s all quite complicated. And you were right, he hasn’t stopped doing it.” He regrets making Liam sound like a lab rat.

Stiles nods. “I’m sorry about that. But, hey, at least he has you now, right?”

“He does,” Scott smiles, seeing an opportunity to rephrase his earlier words. “And I like hanging out with him. I mean, apart from the whole depression thing, he’s a really cool guy.”

“Cool as in…I look up to you cool, or as in…I wanna be around you a lot cool?”

Suddenly, Scott grows suspicious. “What are you saying?”

Stiles smirks. “Nothing, just that I haven’t seen you so obsessed with someone since Allison.”

Scott scoffs. “I’m not obsessed. I just care about him and, yeah, I like to hang out with him,” he explains. “I have the same thing with you, you know.”

“You never took me out for coffee, though,” Stiles winks.

The muscles in Scott’s face relax, the guy finding himself at a loss for words. In response to Stiles' smirk, he changes his strategy, switching from defence to offence.

“Did you tell Lydia I wanted his phone number?”

Stiles’ eyes widen. “Oh, I totally forgot, my notebook’s still in my locker. Gotta go, duty’s calling. Bye,” he blabbers before he turns around and runs off.

Scott chuckles, shaking his head. His friend is the worst liar in the world, thankfully. He didn’t ask Stiles so he could get angry at him; his discomfort is more than enough. Especially since Scott knows he only did what he did to help out, which brings the seventeen year old to the sudden realisation that his friends tend to have the weirdest ways of helping him.

At lunchtime, Stiles dares to show up again. He sits down next to Scott and nudges him with his shoulder. Scott smiles at him and Stiles winks; a small confirmation that they’re okay. Lydia’s across form them and soon Kira and Malia join them as well. Somehow, the subject falls onto test dates.

“Can we please talk about something else?” Scott moans, his head falling onto his arms on the table. “I have Chemistry on Thursday.”

“Which you’re going to ace,” Lydia reminds him, adjusting her lipstick in the meantime.

“No, he isn’t,” Malia replies in an obvious, oblivious tone. “He sucks at Chemistry.”

Lydia gives her a look and Scott also moves to turn at her. “Thanks for the support.”

“You’re welcome,” Malia shrugs. “It’s all about acceptance, and embracing that you’re a failure. At least, that’s how I do it.”

“You’re not a failure,” Lydia replies sternly. “And Scott isn’t either. He’s going to do well, because I'm tutoring him.”

The gang falls silent, with Kira and Stiles looking concerned for their friend, while Malia seems full of amusement.

“Oh-oh,” she scoffs. “You’re in for a fun ride. Make sure to bring tissues.”

“That was one time!” Lydia interrupts. “I didn’t even think you were capable of crying.”

“Me neither. I hadn’t cried for over seven years, then you came along….”

Lydia gives her a look. “Still, did it help?”

Malia averts her eyes, swiftly shutting up.

“Exactly,” Lydia nods. “Face it, guys, I book results.”

“Yeah, but at what cost?” Malia can’t help but mutter.

“Well, you’re gonna have to be nice tonight, because Liam’s coming over as well,” Scott warns and interrupts their little quarrel, unaware of the four pairs of eyes that are now looking at him.

“What?” he says after he has finally looked up. His eyes narrow at their penetrating stares. Then it starts to dawn on him what’s going on and he slowly turns towards his best friend.

“Stiles!”

“Gotta go!”

Scott attempts to explain to his friends that he and Liam are just friends, but he gets distracted when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He takes it out, seeing he has received a text. His lips curl: it’s Liam.

‘You know, I actually have no idea where you live…and I have no idea how I’m gonna get there. My bike is still broken,’ it says.

‘Send me your address, I’ll pick you up.’

When he looks up, the girls’ staring still hasn’t stopped. Scott shies away slightly. “Liam,” he explains, holding up his phone.

The girls giggle, all nodding simultaneously.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

Scott picks Liam up at quarter to seven. When they get back to his house, Lydia’s already there. She has her arms crossed in front of her chest, her index finger tapping at her arm impatiently. “I guess you’re home alone?” she suggests, gesturing to the door.

Scott takes off his helmet, innocently scratching at the back of his head. “Sorry.”

Next to him, Liam has gotten off the bike as well. He’s having trouble loosening the strap under his chin, and with his head being so heavy from the weight of the helmet, it looks really clumsy.

When Scott turns around and sees it, he chuckles. “Come here, hold still,” he says, ducking down a little so he can find the section where the straps lock together.

A soft click sounds and Liam’s head is freed. “Thanks,” he mumbles, a faint blush rising on his cheeks.

Lydia’s watching the whole ordeal with raised eyebrows. Scott doesn’t dare to catch her eyes, so he walks straight past her to open the door. She mumbles something along the lines of ‘I see all’ in his ear, making Scott shiver.

Given the fact Melissa’s not home and they have the house to themselves, the three of them decide to sit in the living room, as it’s more spacious than Scott’s bedroom. Lydia only needs a second to splay out her books and pens, organizing them neatly on the coffee table.

“History on the right,” she indicates, “and Chemistry on the left.”

Both boys nod obediently, and after Scott has turned on the TV for some background noise, they sit down at their assigned places.

“Okay then,” Lydia says. “Liam, you start reading the chapter you need to, and Scott, we’ll pick up where we left off. After half an hour we’re gonna switch.”

Again, the boys obey, and a while later the atmosphere in the McCall household has become very focused. Scott figures it’s something Lydia somehow brings with her. Surely her imperative tone doesn't leave much room for discussion.

At eight o’clock the news comes on and all three of them look up when they hear their hometown being mentioned.

“The body of a woman in her mid-thirties was found suspended from a tree in the woods of the Beacon Preserve early this morning. Police have found no evidence of a struggle, and so are not treating the death as suspicious. The woman's identity has not been released, but her family have been informed.”

Scott catches Liam’s gaze, the boy quickly and awkwardly averting his. Lydia’s shaking her head at the screen.

“I don’t understand how people can do that,” she says, still watching the article.

Liam’s eyes flick up at her. “What do you mean?”

Lydia turns to look at him. “Well, it's obvious she killed herself. I mean, no sign of struggle? I just don’t understand how people can do something like that. No, really, every living creature has this core instinct that tells them to survive. I can’t imagine what could possibly go on inside their heads that can allow them to switch that instinct off,” she explains.

Liam’s eyes fall back onto his textbook as he lets out a soft sigh. Scott watches him intently, but Lydia doesn’t seem to notice.

“I don’t understand how they can be so selfish.”

Scott’s eyes widen. Sure, he knows about Lydia’s past, so he totally gets why she would say something like that, but really? Right next to Liam? When she knows what’s going on with him?

He quickly glances at the younger boy, just about able to see his bottom lip quivering.

Scott nudges Lydia, who gives him a surprised look and is right about to call him out on it when she realizes what she has just said. Her facial expression falls and she quickly turns around.

“Liam, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay,” Liam brushes it off by holding up his hand. He sniffs and then smiles up at her. “I just need to go to the bathroom, that’s all.” He gets up, not even knowing where said room is, and spurts off.

Lydia screws her eyes shut in a guilty manner. “Scott, I’m so sorry…”

Scott lays his hand on top of hers. “It’s okay. I know,” he assures her. “I’m just gonna check up on him.”

She nods, biting he bottom lip worriedly.

Scott walks into the hallway where the bathroom is. The door has been locked, meaning that Liam has found it. Scott knocks politely. “Liam? It’s me,” he says. “Can you open up?”

The door makes a clicking sound and Scott opens it, confronted with a pair of eyes full of tears. Liam sniffs, wiping his nose and they start to spill across his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he whispers in a quiet sob.

Scott shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay,” Liam says, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “I know she’s right. I know it’s selfish. But I just…I can’t help…” His voice starts breaking, so he sniffs again. After taking a deep breath, he continues, “I can’t help but sometimes think that suicide is okay. I mean, sometimes I picture reassuring people that I’m okay with not being here anymore.” He wipes more tears from his eyes, bottom lip trembling. “I could just say I’ve tried life and that it’s maybe just not for me. But hey, at least I’ve tried and it has been wonderful so far...and maybe that should just be it…and of course I know it's not okay to think like that. I know I'm not normal, but still I can't help to think those things.”

Scott bites his lip, looking down at his friend. He sighs, unable to resist the urge to comfort him any longer, so he wraps his arms around Liam’s small frame, pulling him into a hug. He makes sure the embrace covers every inch of Liam’s back, even though that's technically impossible, rubbing his spine comfortingly. “Oh, Liam,” he sighs, pressing his cheek against the top of the boy’s head.

Liam cries quietly against Scott’s chest. Even though Scott has seen him tear up a couple of times now, Liam has never fully broken down like he is doing now. Scott wants to tell him it's going to be okay, but he realizes that it's not. For Liam, right now, nothing is okay. So they stand like that, hugging, for a while in the dim light of the bathroom, only faint sounds drifting from the living room. Scott continues drawing circles onto Liam’s back until he has calmed down a little. They don’t need to say much, because Scott understands that it’s raining in Liam’s head and Scott still hasn’t found a way to manipulate the weather.

A couple of minutes later they come back into the living room. Lydia immediately gets up, eyes still a little blurry herself, and puts her hands on Liam’s shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she says, her emerald eyes as big as that of a doll. “I should’ve been more considerate, but I’m going to explain to you why I said that.”

Liam nods and Scott’s face turns more serious. They all sit down at their original spots around the table, only this time, Lydia is much closer to Liam’s side than to Scott’s. The boy’s looking expectantly at her with wide, still bloodshot, eyes.

“A couple of years ago, right before I started high school, my dad took his own life,” she drops the bomb, but there’s a calming undertone in her voice. Scott knows why, and where it came from. “He was suffering from depression as well. Now, as a child I didn’t notice it as much. Sure, I saw him cry a couple of times, but everyone cries, don’t they?” She looks up at the ceiling for a moment, blinking away the brimming flood. “Anyway…at first I didn’t understand, obviously. And, still, maybe I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sympathize.” She sniffs. “I guess life just fell too hard on my dad and…I suppose things like that happen.” She puts her hands onto Liam’s shoulders again, scooting closer. “But that doesn’t mean it has to be like that for you. My dad didn’t call for help. He even shut my mom out at some point. That’s the difference between the two of you and you should always remember that.”

The look in her eyes is so pure and strong, Scott can see it even from across the table. He glances at Liam, feeling a little proud when he notices he’s keeping himself together quite well. Although he's afraid Liam might hate him for betraying his secret to his friends.

“How did you get over it?” Liam asks softly.

“It took me a while,” she admits, a hint of a smile in her voice. “But then something happened to a friend of ours last year and I decided it was time to go see someone. Not even like a psychiatrist or something, just the guidance counsellor at school; Ms. Morrell. Maybe you’ve heard of her?”

Liam thinks for a moment. “Doesn’t she teach French?”

“She does,” Lydia smiles. “Maybe you should go see her sometime. She can be very confrontational, but she’s also really sweet. I still go to her sometimes.”

Scott frowns, because that’s something he didn’t know. Lydia turns to look at him and scoffs playfully, “You didn’t really think you knew everything about me, did you?”

Scott shakes his head, snickering, barely audible. Lydia smiles back at him. Afterwards, she scoots back to her place. “Now, let’s turn off that stupid TV and get back to studying.”

The boys couldn’t agree more.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

At exactly eleven o’clock, the three of them all leave Scott’s house at the same time. Lydia hugs Liam, something Scott hasn’t seen her do before, before she gets into her car. She waves at them before she spurts off. Scott and Liam return the gesture. Then, the older one offers his second helmet. Liam takes it gratefully, putting it on. Scott gets onto his bike first, then motions for Liam to hop on. His stomach tightens when Liam wraps his arms around his sides. His grip is strong, fearful, and it makes Scott smile because maybe he finds it a little cute.

He takes off towards Liam’s house. The night proves to be cold again, even though the day had been so nice. He can feel Liam shiver against his back occasionally, but that could also be because of the corners Scott’s cutting. A quick look up at the sky tells him tomorrow is gonna be just as good, weather-wise, given that the sky is almost clear.

He comes to a halt in front of Liam’s porch. They both get off, taking off their helmets – this time Liam doesn’t need Scott’s help with the strap – and they’re stood opposite each other for a moment. Liam hands the helmet back and Scott accepts it. Their fingers linger for a moment.

“It wasn’t too bad, was it?” Scott asks unsurely. “With Lydia and all?”

Liam shakes his head. “No, it was good.”

The older one exhales a sigh of relief.

“I expected it to be way worse,” Liam jokes.

Scott shoves him playfully, before becoming a little more serious again. “I’m sorry she made you cry, though,” Scott apologizes. “She didn’t mean to, either.”

Liam sticks his hands into his pockets. He wiggles onto the balls of his heels, rocking himself back and forth. “It’s okay. It happens, I guess,” he says.

“Yeah, but it shouldn’t. You shouldn’t be crying as much,” Scott responds, feeling a bit beaten. He catches his bottom lip between his teeth.

It’s Liam’s turn to sigh. He looks away uncomfortably, before looking up at the sky. Then, a small grin starts to grow on his face and Scott scoots a little closer, curious. “What?” he asks.

“Come on,” Liam suddenly says. “I want to show you something.” He nudges his head towards his house and Scott is dumbstruck as to what he’s up to. Obliging silently, he follows the younger one.

But instead of going through the front door, Liam turns left and unlocks the door of a high fence, supposedly leading into his garden. Another nudge follows and, again, Scott obeys. In the meantime, his heartbeat has sped up. He can feel it thumping against his ribcage.

Liam’s garden is big, with a lot of vegetation varying from plants to flowers, from small bushes to actual trees. Scott’s never had a tree in his garden. There’s patio furniture in the corner, where the grass is replaced by sand-coloured stones. They give the entirety a kind of exotic look, even in winter.

Liam moves to the back of the garden, grinning at Scott, who is still wondering what they’re doing there. Suddenly, Liam flops down into the grass and goes to lie on his back. Scott blinks at him from above, tilting his head.

“Isn’t it cold?”

Liam shifts his gaze towards him. “It’s alright,” he assures him. “Come on.” He pats the spot next to him.

Scott hesitates for a few seconds, but then shrugs and figures, why not? He slumps down next to Liam. The coldness of the earth creeps into his warm clothing. He shivers.

Luckily, it subsides after a while, and then Scott has to agree; it’s alright. He turns his head to look at Liam, noticing he’s playing with a button on his coat with one hand. The other is tossed aside from him. His stare is upwards, so Scott mimics the motion, figuring there has to be something up there Liam wants him to see.

The moon is only half full, casting a faint light across the garden. It’s just enough for Scott to make out the contours of Liam’s body. His face looks soft in the silver, a bit serene, even. Scott reminds himself to look up again. There are some stars visible, but Scott doesn’t know anything about them.

“So, do all of your friends know about me?” Liam suddenly breaks the silence. His voice is barely a whisper, but in the stillness of the night it sounds like he’s talking normally.

Scott freezes a little. “Yeah, they do…” he presses his lips together. “I’m sorry. I didn’t tell them on purpose. I mean, I told Stiles on purpose, because I was worried about you and then my friends wanted to know what was going on and they teased me for lik-” he inhales sharply. “Do you mind?”

Liam shrugs lightly. “Not really… It’s just that…people tend to see depression as this sad little thing,” he answers. “They think we can’t take care of ourselves and that nothing makes us happy. That we need to grow a thicker skin.”

“But that’s not true,” Scott replies softly.

Liam smiles. “It’s not. But they only see the outside. They just see us crying a lot and at some point that starts to become meaningless.” He licks his lips. “I hate that.”

Scott nods a little. “I get that. But my friends don’t think of you that way.”

“I know. It’s not even about that,” Liam continues. “What I hope is that people I meet in the future won’t think of me as some cliché. I mean, they’re bound to find out…” he raises his left arm briefly, where his cuts are still visible. “And I don’t want them to think of me as this fragile little thing they should be cautious around all the time. That would be horrible.” He clears his throat, noticing his voice has become a little louder. “I like to be compared to this,” he says, raising his eyebrows as he stares deeper into the sky.

“To the universe?” Scott wonders. He has a hard look on his face.

“Yeah,” Liam confirms. “Because, like, with the universe, we can only see the stars. And they seem so close. But we also know that there’s way more behind them. There’s infinity in the universe and what we can see from down here is only a fraction of everything that it actually contains.”

Scott turns to his side. Liam only twists his head. They lock eyes and Scott says, “Are you saying you’re like the galaxy?”

“I know, quite cocky, isn’t it? But it just makes me feel…content…” Scott’s mind flashes back to the café. “...The universe is so big and it makes me feel so small. Like, if I’m that small, then how much can my problems actually matter, you know?” Liam grins.

Scott smiles gently, “I guess almost next to nothing.”

“Exactly.”

“That’s what I find scary,” the older one suddenly admits. He can see confusion grow on Liam’s facial features; eyebrows knitting together.

“Why do you find that scary?”

Scott raises his shoulders a little. “It makes me feel irrelevant, like what I do doesn’t mean anything.”

Liam’s frown deepens, but his lips curl. “That’s quite funny. It makes us both feel irrelevant, but I like it and you don’t.”

Scott shows a lopsided smile. “It is, isn’t it?” He slides a hand through his hair. “I guess I just like feeling like I have a purpose.”

“Is that why you’re so nice all the time?”

Scott snickers. “I’m not nice all the time. I can get angry or sad.”

“Yeah, but not easily.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right; not easily.”

Scott sighs, pondering for a moment. There are words on the tip of his tongue; a story he unexpectedly wants to share. A very personal one; one he hasn’t really told many people. And maybe it’s because of the intimacy the night brings or maybe it’s because he already knows so much about Liam that he wants to share it with him, but anyhow, Scott starts telling.

“My dad left my mom and me when I was five,” he says, almost able to see Liam’s ear perk up. The boy turns onto his side while Scott continues, “One day he was gone, just like that, without any explanation. He’s back now, though, has been for a couple of weeks. Somehow my mom bears with him, which means I have to, too.” He huffs. “She is letting me do it at my own pace, however, which is nice, and she once told me there’s a reason my dad left. But…” He moves his shoulder blades a little, getting more comfortable in the grass. “…I don’t think I want to hear it.” He squints a little. “Him leaving us has...changed...me. I spent years thinking it was my fault, that I wasn’t good enough as a son and that I was just…”

“…Worthless,” Liam takes the word out of Scott’s mouth. He glances at him.

“Yeah…” Scott continues. “I guess that’s why I care so much about other people. I don’t want to have to experience that feeling ever again. I want to matter, to make a difference. I need to have worth.”

Liam nods slowly. Scott’s words linger in the air between them; thick and heavy, sticky like syrup. Scott averts his gaze back to the stars. That is, until Liam catches his attention again.

“I don’t think you’re worthless,” the younger one whispers.

Scott catches his eyes. “And I don’t think you’re a sad little thing.”

A thankful and sincere smile lights up Liam’s face. “I know.”

Scott returns the gesture and even though all he can see is Liam, he’s still watching the galaxy. There are stars in his eyes and suddenly it dawns on Scott that there’s nothing he’d want more than to explore the universe behind Liam’s eyes, which is odd because Scott has never found himself particularly interested in astronomy. Yet, somehow now, he would love to learn about stars and about the constellation that is Liam Dunbar; seemingly close yet so far away. Even though he has done his research, there’s probably still more that he doesn’t know and a lot that he doesn’t understand about him. Like how his moods are like the weather, but his smile is as warm as summer. And how his touches are as reviving as spring. He doesn’t get how it could be raining behind those beautiful ocean coloured eyes. They’re far too mesmerizing to be hiding sadness.

Liam turns onto his back again, but in the process scoots a little closer. Their shoulders brush together and at first Scott senses the awkwardness that comes with unexpected contact, but when neither of them moves, he settles into it. The ground suddenly feels a little bit more comfortable and Scott sighs.

A shiver creeps through Liam. Scott can feel it in his arm. He turns to look at him again and asks, “Are you cold?”

“A little,” Liam answers, “but not too much.”

“Oh…”

“What? Were you gonna offer me your jacket?” he jokes, catching Scott’s eyes.

The older one chuckles. “Do you want me to?” he dares.

Liam’s smile grows, but Scott can see a dull shade of red has covered his cheeks.

“No,” the younger one answers before turning back, eliciting another laugh from Scott.

They lie like that for a while longer, losing track of time. So close to the ground like this, Scott’s sure he can feel the world slowly turning under him, which is crazy, but that’s how relaxed he is. His left arm is still touching Liam’s right one and suddenly Scott feels a soft tickling sensation on his pinky finger. His first instinct tells him to pull away, thinking it's a bug, but somehow it feels softer. He glances at Liam from the corner of his eyes and just about catches him look away. The blush on his cheeks has now turned a deep crimson and Scott is suddenly aware of his heart that’s thumping rapidly inside his chest. He moves his hand ever so slightly and then Liam’s finger brushes over his knuckle. Scott’s breathing feels heavy in his lungs. He dares a little closer and then their pinky fingers are suddenly tangled together.

Scott finally releases the air from his mouth and he can hear Liam swallow. Even though Liam still thinks of himself as a sad little thing, at least after tonight he knows he’s not alone. They have all got their baggage, but they’re dealing with it.

They’re content.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

The day Scott has been dreading finally rolls around; Thursday. He has just sat down in Chemistry and is doing breathing exercises in an attempt to slow down his rapid heartbeat. He’s unsure if he’s more terrified about actually getting an F, or having to face up to Lydia’s wrath if he does so. The test papers are handed out and slowly the room falls silent. Scott’s body heats up and small beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead, his fingers twitching from the adrenaline that is rushing through his veins.

But all of that fades into a steady rhythm when he realises that he actually knows the answer to the first question.

He steps out of the classroom forty minutes later to find Lydia waiting for him in the hallway.

“How did it go?!”

Scott ogles her, surprised. “Don’t you have class?”

“I’ve got enough AP points to skip some,” she answers matter-of-factly. “Now tell me how you did!”

“I think I did okay,” Scott finally admits. “The first half went really well, but the second half was harder. I probably made some mistakes in there, but I think overall I’m gonna be fine.” He looks down at his jeans when his phone vibrates in his pocket, smiling when he sees a text from Liam. He quickly types a response, telling him the same thing he has just told Lydia.

Lydia’s lips form a smile. “Sounds good enough for me. And, to celebrate, I’m taking you and Stiles to the mall this Saturday.”

Scott’s face lights up at that. “Sure, why not?”

So Lydia picks Scott and Stiles up said Saturday afternoon. She’s driving, after having clearly stated that she won’t step into that death machine Stiles calls his jeep. Scott doesn’t mind, since Lydia’s car is fancy. The seats have heating in the back and her stereo is way better than Stiles’. He doesn’t say that, obviously, for he’s sure Stiles would never speak to him again if he did.

“Hey, man,” Stiles says when Scott gets into the passenger seat. His best friend is jumping up and down in the back, patting his shoulder excitedly. “Did you receive your grade yet?”

Lydia starts to drive off as a fragile breath slips past Scott’s lips and he smiles shyly, eyes averted to his lap. “Nah, it has only been two days,” he dismisses him, “and don’t talk about it, because I don’t want to jinx it.”

“Oh, come on,” Stiles waves his words away. “We can at least celebrate a little.”

“Exactly,” Lydia replies, “I know this great little doughnut store. I can have a peach and strawberry milkshake and you guys can stuff yourself on pastries. It’s gonna be fun.”

Stiles gives Lydia a look. “Since when do you like milkshakes? And pastries?”

Lydia shrugs lightly, turning left at an intersection. “I always have.”

“No you haven’t.”

“I have!”

“You’re a liar.”

“And you’re annoying.”

“Guys. Guys!” Scott comes in between his friends, slight laughter in his voice nonetheless. “Stop it. Let’s just go there and talk about something else.”

“Alright. Yeah, great. We can do that,” Stiles replies, turning to face his best friend. The smirk on his face is cheeky. “How are you and Liam?”

Scott’s eyes widen a little and he quickly looks away. “I don’t know,” he answers. His fingers start playing with each other nervously. “He texted me after my test, but other than that we haven’t really spoken. I haven’t really seen him either; not since Tuesday when we studied and went stargazing.”

“What?!” the unified reply sounds.

Scott’s stomach clenches when he realizes what he has just said. “Oh. Oh, yeah, right, I didn’t tell you guys… I mean, I meant star… Star…” he tries to get out of it. His eyes flick from left to right, but his mind is drawing blanks.

“Ah, you guys went star gazing together?!” Lydia repeats, voice squeaking from excitement. “That is adorable.”

Scott’s embarrassment grows. “It wasn’t anything special, okay?” he lies. “He just wanted to show me something.”

“The stars he sees when he looks into your eyes?” Stiles swoons teasingly, making kissing noises in the shell of Scott’s ear.

Scott laughs, pressing the palm of his hand against his face. “No! It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?” Lydia wants to know, trying to keep her attention on the road.

Scott shrugs lightly, licking his lips. “We talked about the universe, about how big it is. He said it makes him feel irrelevant and that he likes that feeling and I said I hated it.”

Stiles has finally stopped grinning, and he’s nodding understandingly. “Because of your dad, right?” he asks. And just like that, the atmosphere in the car darkens.

“Yeah,” Scott confirms. “Anyway, it was a nice talk.”

“And nothing else happened after that?” Lydia pushes, eyes glancing towards Scott occasionally, who is finding his heart in his throat again.

“Well, err…” he hesitates. “We held hands?” It sounds questioning, as if he isn’t sure that’s a thing of importance.

But Lydia’s high pitched squeal tells him it is. Stiles puts his hands over his ears dramatically. “That is adorable,” she comments. “Oh my God, you two are going to be the death of me.”

Scott and Stiles give her a weird look, because that’s really exaggerated to say the least.

“What? I’m a supporter of love. Especially cute love,” she justifies herself, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear.

Scott quickly twists his neck. “Who said anything about love?”

“Well, aren’t you in love with him?” Lydia asks impudently.

“No…” Scott answers with a hard look on his face. He moves again, biting his bottom lip. “I mean…I don’t know…I definitely don’t feel the same way about him that I felt about Allison…”

Lydia swallows, moving her right hand from the steering wheel and on top of Scott’s knee. “That’s because he isn’t Allison. You shouldn’t compare them.”

Scott nods slowly and he’s glad when the conversation ends after that.

They arrive at the mall a while later. Lydia parks her car – Scott and Stiles gripping the handles tightly out of fear – and they emerge, slamming the doors shut.

When the three of them step inside the mall, Scott isn’t surprised to see that it’s busy, given the fact it’s Saturday after all.

“Okay, where’s that doughnut store of yours?” Stiles asks, looking around the huge building.

Lydia flicks her wrist up, checking her watch. “First I have to do some shopping,” she announces and she doesn’t hesitate to storm off. Scott follows her quickly, but Stiles’ arms fall next to his sides.

“You didn’t say we were gonna go shopping!” he replies in an upset tone before a groan escapes his throat and he surrenders, following his friends in a hurried pace.

“You really believed she wouldn’t?” Scott asks when Stiles has caught up with him.

Stiles grumbles something, pursing his lips into a thin line. Scott can picture the stormcloud above his head, so he snickers softly.

“Alright,” Lydia says when they’ve entered a store. “I’m looking for sexy, but classy, something in a vibrant red that brings out my lips, preferably a dress.”

Stiles hangs his head, letting out another frustrated breath, causing Scott to chuckle again.

“What’s the occasion?” he asks.

“I don’t want to say,” Lydia answers, before moving forward. Scott gives her a weird look, but then decides that it’ll be quicker if they each search in a different direction. He takes the right, meanwhile eying Stiles, who’s at the other side of the room. It doesn’t seem like he’s actually trying to find something, but Scott figures the sooner they actually do find something, the sooner they can leave. He starts scanning the racks, picking out different clothes occasionally, but none of them seem right.

The men’s department is in the back, where it’s surprisingly quiet. There aren’t any housewives scurrying and rummaging past each other to get to the sales sections and Scott decides it really is true that most men don’t like to shop. He’s about to turn around and walk back to the women’s stuff when he notices a familiar set of faces. He squints a little, but then perks up when he identifies them as Mason and Liam.

Mason’s wearing dark coloured jeans and a white shirt; both of them still have tags on so Scott figures he’s in the process of trying them on. He turns around in front of Liam a couple of times, who just looks bored to death, but quickly fakes a smile when Mason catches his stare. Scott walks up to them, amused by the theatrics, and right when he’s about to greet them, Liam already catches him.

“Hey!” Scott says, excitement in his voice, “What are you guys doing here?”

Liam gives Scott an obvious look. “I told you. Mason has a date tomorrow.”

It takes a couple of seconds, but then Scott remembers, face lighting up. “Oh, yeah! Right!” He turns to Mason. “How’s it going?”

“It’s intense,” Mason answers and Scott doesn’t really know what that means, but he nods sympathetically anyway.

“Scott? What do you think of-Liam!” Lydia comes up from behind them. She’s holding a crimson dress in her hands. “I didn’t know you would be here.”

Liam just nods. “This is Mason,” he introduces his best friend.

The red head examines him before she starts pointing her finger, indicating at his jeans, her lips pursed. “You want them a shade darker and a little more...playful. The legs are too straight.”

Mason’s eyebrows rise in surprise, the boy shifting his weight to his other leg. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, nodding at her. “Your dress needs to be strapless.”

Lydia eyes him suspiciously for a moment.

“Want to shop together?”

“Deal.”

And just like that, the two of them run off, leaving a flabbergasted Scott and Liam by themselves.

“Well, they bonded easily,” Liam says, blinking.

“I guess they both like to shop…” Scott mumbles.

“More like; they’re obsessed.”

Scott chuckles, kicking the floor awkwardly. He moves his hands into his pockets, suddenly aware of his heartbeat again. Since when had he started noticing that so often?

“Congratulations on your test,” Liam says a moment later.

Scott smiles down at him. Liam’s attempt to make conversation calms his nerves a little.

“Thanks. No grade yet, though, so keep your fingers crossed,” he says, holding up his intertwined index and middle finger.

Liam smiles gently. “I will.”

And just like that, the tension between them returns. Scott sighs softly, mentally chastising his friends for bringing this to his attention. He feels awkward, because their silences used to be comfortable, but now they’re not. Their eyes meet, and Scott’s breath hitches in his throat. He quickly looks around himself, blinded once more by the intensity of the ocean in Liam's eyes.

“Stiles should be somewhere around here as well…” he mutters, standing on his tiptoes and looking around the store.

“He’s over there,” the younger one points out. “Apparently Lydia and Mason have caught him.”

Scott shakes his head when he sees them. “Poor Stiles…” he says, seeing that his best friend appears to have been appointed as their pack mule.

They watch Mason come back with a long sleeved shirt. It looks like a hoodie, but the fabric’s thinner than expected. It’s coloured in a deep shade of green and Mason holds it up expectantly.

“Looks nice,” Liam comments.

“Great,” Mason replies. “It’s for you.” He sticks out his arm. “Here. Try it on.”

Liam scrunches his nose. “Nah, I’m good.”

Mason rolls his eyes, not taking no for an answer. “Try. It. On.”

Liam huffs, taking the shirt reluctantly. Scott is watching him with amusement splayed across his face, tilting his head to watch Mason storm off again. “You don’t want to buy something?”

Liam shrugs a little. “I just hate trying stuff on.”

Again, Scott’s heart is beating against his ribcage. He feels like he’s about to dive off a cliff. “I think it would look good on you,” he says, a soft shiver in his voice.

“You do?” Liam asks, an unsure expression on his face as he looks from the hoodie to back up at Scott.

Scott beams down at him, because there aren’t any shadows on Liam’s face and it makes him look all soft and innocent. “I do.”

The boy sighs. “Well…okay then…” he mumbles, turning towards one of the fitting rooms. Scott grins, his stomach tingling, because Liam’s trying something on because of him, and he doesn’t know why he finds that so great, but it definitely is. He sits down in one of the seats in the middle of the fitting area.

A minute later Liam pushes away the curtain, showing off the shirt. He has his arms stuck out from his sides awkwardly. “There it is…” he says, face twisted in uncertainty.

Scott cocks his head in confusion, because the shirt suits Liam really well. It's not that he didn’t expect that, it’s just that Liam doesn't seem to feel the same way. “Well, do you like it?”

Liam looks down at himself, shrugging. “Do you?” he asks when he has looked back up.

“I do, yeah.”

“Okay, then…”

Scott’s eyebrows knit together, because Liam still doesn’t sound that excited. “It’s okay if you don’t,” he offers, trying to figure out where his friend’s indifferent attitude is coming from.

The boy raises his shoulders again.

“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?” Scott attempts.

“Not really,” Liam answers guiltily.

“Why not?”

Another shrug.

The frown on Scott’s face deepens. He gets up from the chair, closing the distance between them. He sticks out a hand towards the mirror attentively. “You want to look together…?”

Liam isn’t looking up at him, but nods slowly. “Okay,” he whispers.

Dumbstruck as to what’s going on, Scott puts his hands on Liam’s shoulders and turns him around, facing the back of the small fitting room. He watches Liam through the full-view mirror, Liam slowly looking up at himself. He has a hard look on his face as he twists and turns a couple of times, examining himself.

“See? It looks good on you,” Scott compliments him, encouragement thick in his voice.

“I don’t know…” Liam replies softly. He slides a hand through his hair. “You can see my collar bones sticking out and my neck’s too long…” He rubs his cheeks. “And I need to shave.”

Scott gives him a questioning look. “What are you talking about? No you don’t,” he says, sounding a little upset.

“Look,” Liam says, turning to his side in the mirror as he sticks out his chest.

“Well, of course you’re gonna see your collar bones when you stick them out like that,” Scott points out, not understanding Liam’s judgement.

“I just don’t think I look that good,” Liam replies, locking his jaw. The ocean in his eyes freezes.

Scott still has his hands on the boy’s shoulders. He stares at him through the mirror, not responding for a while. His brain’s working hard on figuring out why it’s raining in Liam’s head again and everything clicks together when he remembers a story he read from a girl on the internet just that week.

“You don’t like looking at yourself, do you?” he therefore asks, voice low.

The hardness in Liam’s eyes fades and he shakes his head. “Not really,” he says. “I don’t like how I look.”

“Well…what do you see?”

Liam frowns accusingly. “I’m not going to tell you. Then you’ll see it, too.”

Scott shakes his head, puffing out a quiet breath; not from annoyance, but in an attempt to clear his mind. He thinks.

“Do you want to know what I see?”

Liam stares at him, his back still turned to Scott. He nods slowly.

Scott clears his throat, noticing that his lips have run dry from the tension. “I see…” he starts, “…really cool hair.”

That causes Liam to chuckle. “Cool hair, really?”

“Hey, mine won’t stick up like that,” Scott answers with a small smile before he continues, “And I see a couple of broad shoulders.” He gently squeezes them. “And pecs! Look, you can see them through your shirt.” Liam blushes, shuffling a little. “And you have nice eyes.”

Liam glares at himself, his face softening a little after a while. He takes a step forward to look more closely, so naturally Scott follows – his hands still haven’t moved and extending his arms like that is just uncomfortable. He can feel the radiance pouring from Liam’s body, which doesn’t make any sense. Maybe he can feel the warmth he’s giving off or maybe it’s electricity or even chemistry, but Scott is sure he can feel a certain tension. Liam widens and squeezes his eyes a couple of time, while Scott is still holding his breath quietly.

“I do have nice eyes, I guess…maybe…”

“You do!” Scott exhales reassuringly. “They have a nice colour.”

“I suppose…”

It stays quiet between them for couple of seconds, before Scott breaks it with a confident sounding phrase, “Maybe you need to focus on your eyes, instead of anything else.”

“What do you mean?” Liam wonders.

“I mean, instead of looking in the mirror and looking at everything you feel like is wrong with you, maybe look at your eyes instead,” Scott explains. “Just…every time you see your reflection, you focus on your eyes. And after a while, you start noticing something else you like about yourself and then you’ll add that to it as well.”

Liam blinks up at him, before nodding slowly. His eyes fall onto himself again. “I guess I could try that…”

“You can!” Scott’s smiling brightly again. “Now take off the shirt and buy it,” he chuckles. “Or I’ll buy it for you.”

His enthusiasm proves to be contagious, because in a wave of silliness Liam laughs and promptly pulls the shirt over his head, without the curtain being closed. A bit surprised, Scott takes a step back and retrieves his hands. He’s looking at the strong muscles in Liam’s back and can’t help but sneak a glance into the mirror. But as he does so his eyes automatically hover over at Liam’s left arm. Apparently old habits really do die hard.

Which proves to be a good thing, because when Scott’s dark eyes scroll along Liam’s limb, he notices something that makes his heart drop into his stomach. In a shocked reflex he grabs the boy’s hand. It startles the younger one and he freezes when he follows Scott’s gaze. A sense of disappointment alights Scott’s nerves and he can even feel the stings of slight anger boiling on the surface of his skin when he examines the new mark on the boy’s upper arm. Thoughts of misunderstanding cloud his mind and Scott really doesn’t get it, because he had thought Liam had been doing okay lately.

But apparently it was the contrary. The undivided attention Scott had given the boy hadn't been enough.

It looks like the cut has already started healing, so Scott wrings a little bit of comfort out of the possibility that it might be an old one.

Liam opens his mouth to say something, but then the sound of footsteps infiltrate their ears. Scott quickly loosens his grip and takes a step back, while Liam pulls the curtain closed right before a middle aged man walks in. Scott nods at him politely and the stranger gives him a weird look in response. It’s only then that Scott figures it might be quite awkward for a stranger to smile at you when you’re about to take your clothes off and try on something new.

“We’re leaving,” Stiles suddenly pops up from behind the corner. The smile on his face runs from ear to ear and Scott can’t think of a time he has seen him happier.

“Have Lydia and Mason found their outfits, then?” Scott asks, confused, because he’s sure they haven’t tried them on.

“Nope. But we’re leaving,” Stiles answers, more sternly now. “I’m done. Mason’s coming over to change in a bit. Where’s Liam? Hurry up.”

“I’m finished,” the boy answers, pulling away the curtain and stepping out. Scott looks down at him, but Liam avoids his gaze. The taller one’s face falls a little.

Mason comes up from behind Stiles. He attempts to walk past Scott and Liam, but then pauses when he seems to remember something. “Are you buying it?” he asks, pointing at the shirt in Liam’s hands.

“I am,” Liam subconsciously demands Scott’s attention again. He has looked down at the piece of clothing and is now straightening his back.

And just like that, Scott perks up.

He, Lydia, Stiles and Mason wait for Liam outside while he pays. Lydia and Mason are chattering endlessly and Stiles is just standing there with his hands jammed into his pockets.

“Can we go to the doughnut store now?” he asks in a bit of a whiney voice when Liam finally exits the store.

Lydia checks her watch. “We can. But afterwards we’re back to our mission again,” she says.

Mason’s nodding along with her determinedly and Stiles just huffs in annoyance. Scott punches his shoulder with a broad smile before catching Liam looking up at him.

The boy mouths a ‘sorry’ and Scott’s smile is comforting and gentle. ‘It’s okay,’ he returns the gesture, making Liam’s lips curl. The taller one wraps a quick arm around his shoulders when the gang starts walking, forcing Liam against his body for only a mere second. Yet, naturally, Scott worries, but decides to let it go for now. It’s unfair to get mad at his friend, for he doesn’t know any better. Besides, this small, non-verbal interaction lets him know they’re okay and that they’ll talk about it later, which is at least something. Scott has to remember he might be wrong; the chance that the cut is old is still there.

They have to go up the escalator to get to Lydia’s, now famous, doughnut store. Stiles is still dumbstruck as to why she likes it so all of a sudden, but Scott has stopped questioning it, especially when they walk inside and the smell of freshly baked goods hits his nose.

“You guys pick out a table. I’ll order,” Lydia indicates, and, of course, everyone obeys.

Scott picks out a seat next to Liam, because he feels like being close to him. A silly thing, and something new, because he can’t think of another time when he had been so conscious about picking his place to sit.

A couple of minutes later, Lydia comes back with some drinks and two boxes. When they open them, everyone looks in awe at the contents, for the pastries look delicious. Stiles is the first to grab a chocolate covered doughnut. Mason follows, but Scott and Liam go for two that are full of yellow custard.

Lydia’s drinking her strawberry and peach milkshake, a satisfied look on her face as she watches her friends enjoy the food. Stiles’ lips are covered in chocolate and Liam’s laughing at Scott, who has managed to spill some of the custard onto his chin.

“This is really good,” Mason says, his mouth full. “I mean, I’ve had doughnuts before, but this is just heaven.”

Lydia smirks, the tip of her straw near her lips. “I know, they’re great.”

“How did you find out about this place?” Liam wants to know.

The young woman shrugs casually. “Saw it in a commercial once.”

But then an unfamiliar voice sounds behind them.

“Lydia?”

The five of them look up, confusion vivid on their faces – except for Lydia.

Which is why she’s also the first one to respond. “Jordan, hi! What a coincidence!” There’s a hint of surprise in her voice. “What are you doing here?”

Deputy Parrish is standing next to her. He has moved into the space between her and Stiles, the latter eying him with a disturbed look, before shifting said look towards Lydia. The half-eaten doughnut still hovers near his mouth.

“Are you kidding? I love this place. I always come here when I’m on break,” Parrish answers. “I didn’t expect to see you here, though.”

Lydia nods hastily. “Oh, yeah, no, I’m in love with their milkshakes, they’re great,” she says, voice slightly higher than usual as she takes another sip.

Stiles’ expression grows even more horrified at that, and he scoots closer to her. “You knew this was his favourite place, didn’t you?” he hisses, eyes narrowed. “You conniving, lying little-”

But he doesn’t get to finish that sentence, for the tip of Lydia’s heel jams sharply into his shin. She’s still looking up at the deputy, a bright smile shining towards him. Stiles cringes, pain flashing across his face. Parrish gives him a look, but then averts his attention back to the girl.

“Well then, maybe we can enjoy one together sometime?” he offers.

Lydia slides a hand through her long curls, ruffling them a little. She rests her chin in her palm afterwards, narrowing her eyes a little before her lips start to form an answer, “We could…” she sounds hesitant, but only Stiles can tell it’s clearly faked. To his ears, it sounds like an invitation. “You know, Valentines' is around the corner…”

Jordan nods. “Great,” he replies. “Say I’ll meet you here on Wednesday? At five?”

“Sure,” she replies casually.

His and Lydia’s eyes linger for a moment before he turns to the others and throws a quick wave. “Enjoy your food, guys,” he says to them, before looking back at Lydia again. “And I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

Lydia smiles cheekily, squeezing her eyes in an assuring gesture before Parrish walks off. His stare holds as he does so, and Lydia’s smile widens.

“How did you know he would be here?” Stiles instantly asks when the deputy has moved out of hearing range.

“Wait,” Mason interrupts. “You knew he’d be here? That’s awesome.”

Lydia shrugs lightly. “Facebook.”

Stiles’ look of horror returns. “You Facebook stalked him?”

Another shrug.

Mason gapes at her in astonishment before hitting his best friend with the back of his hand. Liam rubs his shoulder. “Dude! I totally should’ve done that,” he says, clearly impressed by Lydia’s skills.

Liam chuckles, shaking his head before turning to Scott, who’s doing the exact same. Their friends are the worst.

“I’m pretty sure you would’ve scared him off if you did,” Liam reminds him.

Mason raises his shoulders, forcing the last piece of doughnut – which is actually too big – into his mouth.

Lydia finishes her milkshake, putting the empty cup on the table. “Alright, break time’s over. We need to get back to our mission,” she announces.

“But I’m not even finished!” Stiles exclaims, mid-chew.

Mason gets up. “I agree. We got to go. The mall’s closing in, like, four hours.”

Scott glances at Liam from the corner of his eyes, his gaze flicking to his upper arm again before he speaks up. “Hey, would it be okay if we meet up with you later?” he asks.

Lydia’s face lights up and Scott knows she totally thinks he and Liam are dating, but he decides he’s going to suffer through that – considering it’s concerning Liam’s well-being.

“Can I stay here as well?!” Stiles hopes, shooting a pleading look towards the red head.

“Nope, you’re coming with us,” Lydia answers, grabbing him by the collar.

“Ah! But why do Scott and Liam-”

“Come on,” Lydia replies sternly, already dragging him off his chair. “We need our mule.”

Liam turns to Mason. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks. “You don’t really know them and all.”

His friend scoffs. “I’m gonna be fine,” he reassures. “I’ll see you later, yeah? We still taking the bus together?”

Liam nods.

“Great.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

The shopping squad leaves and Scott sees that he and Liam have been left with the duty of cleaning up. The table’s a mess, but he decides they’ll take care of it later. Something in the air between them shifts again when they steal a glance at one another; both aware of the conversation they’re about to have, but neither of them knowing how to start it.

A little to Scott’s surprise, Liam breaks the ice this time.

“I’m sorry about what you saw,” he mutters, examining the table, drawing small circles on it with his finger.

“It’s okay,” Scott lies, because it’s not okay, yet he still finds that he can’t really blame him. “When did you do it?” he therefore asks.

Liam sighs. “Tuesday night.”

Scott’s mind throws him back. “When we were in your garden?” he asks.

“Yeah.” The drawing motion has turned to a scratching one.

“I thought…” Scott swallows, licking his lips. “I thought that was nice.”

“Me too.”

Scott’s disappointment grows. “Then why did you do it?”

More and more lines become visible in Liam’s face, showing his discomfort. “I felt guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“Hmhm.”

Scott scoots a little closer to the boy, moving some of the rubbish so that he can rest his arms on the table. “Why did you feel guilty?” he asks, trying to sound sympathetic. “Because of our…you know…” He pokes Liam’s pinky finger.

The awkward gesture makes the boy’s lips curl a little and Scott’s glad he has managed to lighten the mood, even if it's for just a moment.

“No, not because of that,” Liam says, giving him a small poke back. “I liked that.”

Scott exhales a relieved breath through his nose. “Me too,” he mumbles softly.

Liam nods.

“So then what did you exactly feel guilty about?”

The boy’s face scrunches apologetically. “About quite a lot, actually…” He catches his bottom lip with his front teeth. “Are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Of course,” Scott says with a slightly odd tone in his voice, for he figured Liam would have known that by now.

“I felt guilty about…” Liam pauses. “…telling you I sometimes want to kill myself.”

Scott nods, stomach clenching as he remembers that moment in the bathroom. He thought he had known heartache by now, but when Liam had said those words, Scott had been faced with a whole new level of it. That had also been the reason he hadn’t known what to say. How do you respond to your friend telling you they want to commit suicide?

“I felt guilty about making Lydia feel uncomfortable…” Liam further explains, “and about forcing her to open up about her dad…I really didn’t mean to do that, you know?”

Scott shakes his head. “You didn't force her. That’s not why she told you.”

“Well, that’s what I felt like,” Liam explains. “If I hadn’t run off like some baby, she wouldn’t have told me.”

Scott shrugs a little, because maybe Liam has a point. Still, he doesn’t think Liam should feel guilty about it, but before Scott can tell him that, Liam’s already continuing, “And I felt guilty about our talk. You must’ve thought I was weird, comparing myself to the universe and all. It was embarrassing.”

Finally, Scott frowns. “What? Are you kidding? I thought it was great,” he responds. “I mean…I really feel like I understand you more now.”

Those words make Liam look up. “You do?”

“Yeah!” Scott answers. “When you said all that…it actually sounded a little comforting. Remember a week ago when you told me you don’t even understand what’s going on with you yourself? It seems like, now, you’re starting to. And if looking at the stars makes you feel small…and safe, then that’s okay.”

Liam’s eyes fall again, but this time from shyness. Scott recognizes the faint blush on his cheeks. “Well, that’s only because of you,” he mutters in all honesty. “Because I can talk to you about it.”

“And talking always helps,” Scott verbally quotes something he has read on the internet.

Liam nods. “Apparently it does. I hadn’t expected it to, but it does…”

“See? We’re fine,” Scott cheers him up.

A small smile forms around Liam’s lips and Scott grins, wrapping a quick arm around his shoulders. He pulls him close for a second and Liam’s head falls against his collarbone. The atmosphere around them lightens and both boys feel like they can breathe again. Scott shifts in his seat, causing the muscles in his neck to relax. He hadn’t even noticed how tense they were before.

“But that doesn’t take away the fact that I sometimes still feel guilty,” Liam mutters.

Scott thinks for a bit, because Liam’s right. He can always assure the boy he doesn’t have to feel guilty, but he also can’t be there all the time. They need a solution.

“I’ve done some research,” he suddenly prompts.

Liam looks up, a strange look on his face. “Research?”

“Yeah, on depression,” Scott answers bluntly.

“You…researched me…?”

Finally, Scott hears how that sounds and his eyes widen. “Sorry, I don’t mean it like you’re some sort of chemical experiment,” he tries to make a joke out of it. “I mean I looked up some stuff on depression.”

Liam nods silently and Scott wants to punch himself for being so tactless. He can tell Liam’s mood is falling again, so he quickly continues. “It explained how cutting yourself works.”

Liam’s eyebrows knit together. “What do you mean: ‘how it works’?”

“Well, apparently, when your head gets too busy and you cut yourself, it’s nothing more than a distraction. Only, because it hurts, your brain produces hormones, called endorphins, to cover up that pain, which is why, in the moment, it makes you feel good.”

“Okay…”

Scott purses his lips, because Liam doesn’t get it and he’s awful at explaining it. “What I’m trying to say is that it’s all about distracting yourself. So…” he thinks, starting to get a little frustrated. He tries to think of the right words but his stupid brain just won’t come up with them. His toes curl, the muscles in his calves contracting.

But then he remembers Liam’s own explanation; an imaginable lightbulb popping above his head. “So instead of using your ability to stop time to cross the road, you press the traffic lights that allow you to cross. They take a while longer, but the end result is the same.”

Liam blinks up at Scott, visibly processing his words.

“So…you’re saying that…when I’m having a moment and I want to cut myself, I should play a videogame or something?”

“Yeah!” Scott perks up. “Exactly! Just distract yourself!”

“But I never feel like doing anything like doing something fun when I'm having one of those moments,” Liam explains.

“Well…maybe now that you know how it works, you can be more self-aware and just try it anyway…” Scott offers, a little unsure.

Liam thinks for a while, but then starts nodding slowly. “I’m gonna try and remember it.”

Scott beams down at him. “Good! Good, that’s good,” he says. “And…and, you know, when it doesn’t work, you can always text me and I can distract you…”

The blush on Liam’s face deepens and he covers his mouth as he chuckles. “You aren’t hearing yourself again, are you?”

Scott’s jaw drops ever so slightly and he facepalms, making Liam laugh louder.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

Scott and Liam meet up with their friends a little later. Stiles’ fingers have turned white and are cramping from carrying all the shopping bags and Scott assumes Mason and Lydia have finally found their outfits. His best friend, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be too happy about it. He’s slumping behind them, groaning occasionally. Liam is occupied with dealing with Mason’s anxiety over his date, so Scott finally decides to help Stiles out by taking some of the bags from him. Stiles throws him a thankful look.

When they say their goodbyes outside of the mall at the end of the afternoon – Mason and Liam still decided to take the bus, even though Lydia offered to drop them off at their homes – they all hug each other. It’s odd, a little different, and slightly new, but knowing his friends, Scott figures they just wanted to give him and Liam an excuse to touch. Mason is the only one who seems startled by the gesture, but Liam just mumbles something along the lines of ‘that’s what they always do’. Scott snickers at the white lie before he wraps his arms around the boy, suddenly noticing how perfectly well Liam’s chin actually fits in the crook of his neck and how his gentle breathing tickles his ear.

The two of them don’t talk to each other until Sunday evening. Scott’s about to get ready for bed. Usually he would’ve spent his Sunday evenings with his mom on the couch, watching stupid shows, since it’s her only day off. But tonight his dad’s there and Scott had decided that dinner had been enough torture for one night. It was awkward. His mom and dad kept exchanging looks that clearly indicated something was going on – or was about to go on – but nothing had really happened. Scott didn’t like it. It had made him unable to focus, which is why the notepad in front of him contained only scribbles instead of formulas, and probably also the reason why he hadn’t eaten much that night.

He exhales a deep breath, wrapping his hands behind his head. The phone next to the pad winks at him invitingly and Scott realizes there’s a sudden urge inside of him to text Liam. He decides to ignore it, for he doesn’t really have anything to talk about. Besides, they’ll probably run into each other at school tomorrow anyway. There’s lacrosse practice anyhow.

Yet it makes Scott feel strange. He has never had that urge with Stiles before. Only when he has been worrying about him.

But maybe he is worrying – the quiver in his stomach kind of hints at it.

Scott thumbs his earlobe. Their conversation at the mall had been nice, and even now Scott feels like he has given Liam some handles to hold onto, yet, their talk last Tuesday had been nice as well and still Liam had harmed himself. It confronted Scott with the hard fact that, even if he and Liam were having good times, it didn’t mean Liam would change. At least, not easily. From what Scott had gathered on the internet the other day it had come across as more like a process, instead of a switch he could just flip – however much he wanted to. Which proves Stiles had been right weeks ago.

His train of thought is interrupted when his phone suddenly buzzes on the table. For a moment, Scott ponders if he’s just imagining it, but when he sees the screen light up, he’s sure. He also isn’t one for believing in coincidence, so curiously he picks it up.

It’s a text. Scott unlocks his phone and opens it, hoping it will-yup, it’s Liam. He squints, eyes rolling along the lines. They narrow as he reads, chest tightening around his ribcage.

‘Scott? I’m trying to distract myself, but it really isn’t working.’

The guy swallows, his hands gripping his phone a little tighter, tension building sharply in his knuckles.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asks.

Scott moves his phone to his other hand. The palm of the first feels damp, so he wipes it off on his jeans. After that he notices the fine creases in the fabric and he tries to smoothen them.

His phone buzzes again.

‘I feel so guilty.’

‘Why? Liam, you have nothing to feel guilty for,’ Scott types back. The sigh that follows speaks volumes of his concern.

‘Because of you,’ Liam replies.

‘What? What did I do?’

Liam’s short replies almost have Scott hesitating if he actually wants to talk about it, but then he remembers Liam was the first one to text him and Scott realizes Liam’s probably just scared.

‘You looked stuff up for me. You spend so much time helping me. I just feel like this huge burden.’

Scott puts down his phone. His fingers move to his temples and he rubs them in an attempt to soothe himself. He needs to think clearly. He needs to help Liam. How can he convince him he doesn’t have to feel guilty?

He picks his phone back up and starts working on a reply that only gets longer and longer in his head as he writes it. The typing screen reaches its maximum length and Scott sighs when he acknowledges the fact that this isn’t going to work.

“Screw it,” he mutters under his breath and he deletes the message.

Instead, he looks for Liam’s number in his contact information. With a pounding head, he hits the call button.

It takes a couple of seconds before Liam picks up; a clear indicator that he had been hesitant about if he should.

“Scott?” he sniffs.

“Liam. Liam, it’s okay,” Scott blurts out the moment he hears Liam’s voice. His mouth feels dry. “You don’t have to feel guilty. I don’t mind helping you out, remember?” It’s true, he would basically do anything to make Liam feel better.

“No, I know, but I-” Scott can hear the trembles in Liam's breath. “But it’s never gonna get any better. I can’t keep doing this to you.”

Scott swallows. “That’s not true. It is going to get better.”

“You don’t know that.”

Scott scratches his burning cheeks before trailing his arm upwards and curling it around his head. After taking a deep breath, he continues, “I do. I do, okay? I promise. Just…just please don’t cut yourself, okay?”

Another sniff. It stays quiet at the other end of the line and never has Scott ever wished to be a mind reader so badly. “Promise me you won’t do it.”

The silence holds on for a little while longer, but then Scott finally hears Liam’s voice again. And with that, also the lifeless tone in it. Liam sounds beaten. “I can’t promise you that. Don’t you get it?”

Scott’s mouth falls shut, not knowing what to say to that. Right now he doesn’t even recognize the boy who has become such a good friend over the past couple of weeks. Of course he doesn’t get it. Of course Scott doesn’t fully understand what Liam’s going through, but on the other hand, he does sympathize. All of his research and talking to Liam had helped him do so. The tension in his jaw is unyielding, making Scott feel like his mouth is like one of a puppet; only able to move up and down.

“You’re only making it worse, Scott. If I do it now, I’ll feel even more miserable, because I will have broken my promise. A promise I didn’t even make!” Liam explains, but to Scott it sounds more like an accusation.

“Then don’t do it!” he sneers through gritted teeth, jumping up from his chair. His free arm flings outwards to his side. The phone feels hot against his ear as he paces up and down his room. “Just…try to distract yourself okay? I don’t know; read a book, play a videogame, anything. Just press the button on the traffic light.”

Liam scoffs, but Scott can tell he’s crying. Another silence falls and Scott wouldn’t mind repeating his sentence over and over again, but suddenly his throat feels like sandpaper. It’s almost as if he’s trying to keep himself from feeling embarrassed, and he doesn’t know where that sudden defensive urge comes from. He twists his wrist, feeling his muscles rub against his bones. Maybe he’s cautious about making a fool out of himself, like when they had had their first ever real conversation outside the school. As if everything Scott says now sounds like a joke, like something that Liam will make fun of later. And, sure, Scott wants Liam to have fun and laugh, because, God, he can still recall the sound of Liam’s bursting laughter, but not about Scott. He wants… He needs… He just…

He wants Liam to take him seriously.

He wants Liam to like him.

“Okay, I’m gonna try to play a game again,” Liam suddenly breaks the silence, pulling Scott back down to Earth.

Scott flops back into his chair. His muscles relax, knees feeling weak. “Okay. Okay, good,” he replies. “And if it doesn’t work, you can text me, okay? Or call me. I don’t mind either, remember that.”

“I will,” Liam says, “Bye.”

Scott breathes. “Bye.” But the word leaves a foul taste in his mouth. He puts down the phone and pulls his knees up against his chest. His arms fold around his shins and he rests his forehead on top of his legs. Tears are welling up behind his eyelids, but instead he focuses on the lightness in his head.

Maybe all of this is too much for him.

That thought stays with him throughout the rest of the night, keeping him busy.

Scott wakes up early the following morning and the first thing he does is check his phone, only to find he doesn’t have any missed calls or text messages. He sighs, flailing back onto his bed, rubbing his forehead. Maybe everything had worked out and Liam had actually managed to distract himself.

But the knot in his stomach tells him differently, because if Liam had triumphed over his depression, he would’ve told Scott. He’s sure of that. It would have been a little victorious moment. For both of them.

After shooting a look at his clock, Scott decides he doesn’t have to bother getting ready for school yet. He puts on some clothes and moves downstairs, where the lights have already been flicked on. It tells him his parents are also already up.

Melissa McCall only needs to looks up once to know something’s going on with her son. She gets up from the kitchen table when Scott enters, moving over to the fridge to pour him a glass of milk. She puts it down in front of Scott, who has just sat down, and folds her hands around her own mug of coffee when she has taken her place next to him.

“You can have some cookies with it if you tell me what’s wrong,” she offers, the tone in her voice one only mothers can grant.

Scott can’t help but smile, shaking his head as he takes the glass into his hands. He stares at it for a moment, absentmindedly retrieving childhood memories of when his mother wanted to know who pushed him in the courtyard. “It’s Liam,” he sighs.

Melissa nods, her curls bouncing up and down slowly as she does. She hums softly.

“He, err…” Scott breathes. “He’s…”

“He’s depressed,” she finishes his sentence.

Scott looks up at her, surprise clear on his facial features. “Yeah… How did you-?”

“You think we don’t get suicides in the hospital?” she shoots back matter-of-factly. The volume of her voice has tuned down.

Scott’s mouth forms an ‘oh’ and he nods. “Did you know all along?”

She looks up from her steaming cup, blowing across its surface as she does. “I suspected it,” she answers, “but I knew you were going to be okay if it were true.”

Scott scoffs sarcastically at that, shrugging a little. “I’m not sure I am, though. Not anymore.”

Melissa takes a small sip from her drink. She clears her throat afterwards. “It’s hard, isn’t it?”

Scott nods.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he admits, after a second of silence. “It’s like… I’m trying to help, but sometimes it just seems like he refuses it…while…at other times…” He sighs. “He’s so...normal. Like, the day before yesterday, we went to this doughnut store and he was laughing because I had custard on my chin.” He smiles at the recollection. “And everything was fine…but then, last night, it wasn’t anymore. I guess I just don’t understand. I'm trying to help, I really am...but nothing seems to work.”

Melissa exhales, taking Scott’s hand in hers like she always does. “It’s a silly thing; depression,” she says. “Peoples’ moods can just shift in a heartbeat, it’s almost like-”

“The weather.”

Her head falls forward a little as she smiles at her son’s intuition. “You understand a lot more than you give yourself credit for, you know? Lots of people would have already given up on Liam. You didn’t, because it’s just not in your nature.” She looks deeper into his eyes, and if it wasn’t his mother doing it, Scott would’ve felt violated by someone looking so deeply into his soul. “It’s how I knew you were going to be okay the first time you were suspicious of him.”

“Is that why you didn’t say anything?” Scott wonders.

She shakes her head. “If I would have told you, you would’ve gone crazy,” she answers truthfully. “You care so much.”

Scott blinks at her. He hadn’t expected this at all, but somehow it makes sense. He does care about Liam, maybe at times even a little too much, so it was probably a good thing that they had been figuring all of this out together.

It’s a process, and apparently not only for Liam.

Melissa suddenly looks up at something behind Scott, so naturally the boy follows her gaze. When he turns around, he sees his dad leaning against the doorframe. There’s a certain look in his eyes Scott can’t quite place, so he frowns a little.

“Can we talk?” the Agent asks.

Scott’s frown deepens and he looks back at his mother for confirmation.

She nods silently. “It’s time, Scott,” she encourages him. “And I think you might get more answers than you bargained for.”

Scott licks his lips, taking a sip from the milk. He builds his courage, brick by brick, before standing up from the safe base that is his and his mother’s relationship to face his father, and with that, steps over his previous heartache. The pain that was once caused by the man who had left them, leaving Scott to feel unimportant and worthless, didn’t matter any more.

His father nudges him towards the hallway and Scott thinks he wants them to sit down in the living room, but instead his dad stops midway there. Scott almost bumps into him, quickly pulling himself together and straightening out his clothes. He looks up at his father with an odd combination of slight discomfort and curiosity, but refuses to start the conversation himself.

“Come here,” his dad says, motioning for him to come closer. Scott obliges and his father points. “You see this?”

Scott follows his dad’s index finger, which is pointing towards the ground. Obliviously, he looks back up, shrugging lightly. The hallway is only slightly illuminated by the lights from the kitchen and the living room.

“The dent on the floor?” His dad crouches down to look at it more closely.

Now, Scott sees it.

“That was from your head,” his father continues, “the night before I moved out…” He swallows and Scott’s frown deepens. “…Your mother and I were fighting.”

Scott finally mimics his motion, bending through his knees as well.

“You came out of your room, I grabbed you by the wrist, but you pulled back…” he explains softly, his stare fixated on the staircase in front of them. “We watched you tumble down those stairs. You were out for probably twenty seconds.” He scrubs a hand over his face, a heavy sigh leaving his throat. “When you woke back up you didn’t remember a thing. Your mom told me to be out by the morning. That’s the last time I ever had a drink.” His gaze falls back onto Scott, who’s blinking rapidly at him. “That’s why I left.”

Scott rubs the middle of his forehead, eyes screwed shut for a moment. He really can't have this right now. Not now. Yet, he looks back up at the stairs before turning back to his father again. His mouth opens a couple of times to say something, but he can’t find the right words. What does he have to say anyway? Does he need to thank his dad for giving him this useless explanation? Does he need to feel sorry for him? Does this even qualify as an apology?

And what if he does forgive his father now? Would it even matter? Would it make up for all those years without him?

“Okay, dad, let me show you something,” he suddenly blurts out, getting up in the meantime and walking into the living room. “You see the edge of this window sill?” he indicates at it. “When I got my first skateboard I slipped right into it and broke my collar bone,” Scott divulges, before swiftly turning towards the coffee table. “This used to be glass until I fell on top of it trying to catch a lacrosse ball from Stiles! I got three stitches in my cheek.”

“Scott, I-”

“No! No, you don’t get to talk right now, dad,” Scott rages on. His stance is wide; legs spread in an offensive matter like he’s about to throw a punch. “This house is full of accidents. So the stairs…” He takes a deep breath, nostrils flaring from it. “Maybe it was an accident, maybe it was worse, but I healed.” He can feel his pulse rising in his wrist. An actual drop of sweat trickles down the back of his neck. It causes Scott to shiver and the coldness makes him feel vulnerable. It only pisses him off even more. “So I don’t need your apology,” he spits, giving his dad a judgemental look from head to toe. “I don’t need your explanations or your excuses, because, in the end, you left us. And you can’t even begin to imagine how miserable I was or how much you’ve hurt me.” He inhales a sharp breath, trying to calm himself down a little. “So, I’ll see you at graduation…or whenever you decide to show up again.”

He moves past his dad with a fierce pace, and in the process, he slams his hip on the corner of the dresser in the hallway. The pain shoots up Scott’s body, but he quickly grinds his teeth together.

His mother is standing in the kitchen doorway, looking at her son with a pained expression. She presses the cup tighter against her chest as he turns and walks up to his room.

“I need to get ready for school,” Scott mutters as he stomps up the stairs.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

Not even a shower or the cold air outside is able to chill Scott’s nerves. Even at school, he’s still fuming, and when he runs into Stiles, of course, his best friend notices immediately.

“Wow, what got you so upset this morning?” he instantly starts his interrogation, catching up with Scott’s quickened pace.

Scott doesn’t grant him a look, because he knows that if he does, he’ll break. Scott doesn’t want that. He wants to stay angry. He doesn’t want to feel like that worthless five year old child he used to be. He had moved past that and there’s no way in hell he’s going back.

“Scott?” Stiles makes another attempt to catch his friend’s attention.

The guy ignores him, instead walking over to his locker. He rips it open with force, the door almost clanging against the metal of the locker next to it as the hinges squeak. Reaching inside, Scott takes out the books he needs for class, jamming them into his backpack with as much barbarity. He’s about to turn around and walk away again, but this time Stiles grabs his arm.

“Scott!”

Stiles finally catches Scott’s eye, and when Scott looks into Stiles’ familiar light brown eyes, his throat closes up. Only then does he realise that his jaw is hurting from keeping it locked for such a long time and his head is pounding. A lump starts to form and Scott’s Adam’s apple moves up and down as he tries to swallow around it. Unfortunately, it’s no use. Something inside him breaks and he exclaims a stifled sob, which he quickly tries to muffle by moving his hands in front of his mouth.

Stiles’ grip moves from Scott’s arm to his shoulder and he massages it softly. The lines in his face have hardened as he examines his friend worriedly.

“I talked to my dad,” Scott chokes out.

He doesn’t need to say anything else, because Stiles knows. He knows and sighs softly, not hesitating to pull his friend in for a tight hug. Scott sniffs, wiping his nose quickly. His chin rests on top of Stiles’ shoulder. Their embrace lasts for a couple of seconds and Scott doesn’t care about the concerned looks other students are giving them as they pass by. Right now, there’s only his best friend trying to calm him down.

“When did he talk to you?” Stiles asks once they’ve let go of one another. He ruffles Scott’s hair. “Last night? Because you look like you haven’t slept at all.”

Scott sniffs, averting his gaze towards the ground. “No. No, he told me this morning. But I also didn’t sleep…because of Liam.”

Stiles’ eyebrows rise. “Liam? What happened with him?” The comforting hand is back on Scott’s shoulder. “Dude, what has been going on with you?”

Scott snorts a little, wiping his nose again. “A lot, I guess.”

He does his best to give Stiles a brief summary of the past twenty-four hours, aware that it has to be done before their classes start. Luckily, with Stiles, he only needs to give an outline of everything, because his friend knows him well enough to fill in the blanks himself.

They make it to their first period in time, choosing two seats at the back of the classroom and sitting next to each other.

“I think your mom kind of had a point, though,” Stiles says when Scott finishes his story.

They take out their books and wait for the arrival of their teacher.

“What do you mean?” Scott asks, his eyes still a bit puffy. They’re probably still red as well.

“About you getting more answers than you would expect,” Stiles answers matter-of-factly.

Scott continues his confused look.

“Think about it,” Stiles tries to further explain. “For all this time, you’ve been trying to help Liam. You’ve tried to give him options, solutions and all those things.”

“Yeah…so?”

“So maybe he doesn’t need all that,” Stiles continues, hands gesturing at him wildly. “Maybe he just needs someone to hear him out.”

“You’re saying I just need to listen to him?” Scott asks.

Stiles nods. “I think that’s what your mom meant. Sometimes you just need to listen to someone, like with your dad. I don’t really think he told you so he could be forgiven. I think he just wanted you to know…”

“…Just like Liam wants me know when he’s not doing okay,” Scott voices the comparison.

“Exactly,” Stiles says with a proud gleam in his eye. He shoots a brief wink.

Scott catches a loose thread on his jumper, twisting it around his finger. “Liam did admit the other day that talking about it helped,” he mumbles, a small smile pulling on the corners of his lips.

“See? So maybe you should go talk to him,” Stiles points out. “But instead, you’re going to let him do the talking.”

Scott nods slowly before throwing him a grateful look. “Thanks, Stiles.”

“Anytime, buddy.”

That afternoon, at lacrosse practice, Scott can only describe Liam’s appearance as beaten. Every time Scott catches sight of him, his shoulders are slumped down, his head falling forward to gaze at the ground. A few times Scott ponders going over to him, but the timing never feels right. Even back in the locker room Scott tries to be slow so he might be able to catch his friend when everyone has left.

In the meantime, Stiles doesn’t let either of them out of his sight, but he knows better than to interfere. He wants to. Oh, he really wants to. He wants to grab both of them by the hair and yank their pretty little faces together, to demand them to stop being so self-pitying and so self-destructive. Because this isn’t just about Liam anymore. No, this is about Scott as well. His best friend looks pale and there are purple bags under his eyes and Stiles is perfectly aware that it’s because of all his worrying. As stated before, Scott cares too much. So much that it has gotten to that point where he forgets to take care of himself. Stiles hates that stage, but he realizes there’s not much he can do about it. He can’t force Scott to get some rest, can’t force him to eat, and can’t force him to stay healthy. No, these circumstances are psychosomatic and Stiles can only stand by and watch…and silently hope things are going to get better.

Scott shoots a probing gaze at Liam, but the boy seems to avoid it swiftly. When Liam exits the showers, Scott follows promptly, attempting to catch him by the wrist, but then remembers that there are still too many people who could overhear. Stupid made up privacy rule.

Liam seems to be trying to look busy as he puts on his clothes. He keeps pawing a hand through his hair, even though Scott thinks it looks fine. The boy keeps looking around himself casually, but somehow he manages to never even once look back at Scott. It’s ridiculous. He isn’t invisible now, is he?

When Liam shies away from Scott’s penetrating stares for what seems like the hundredth time, it all clicks together: Liam feels guilty.

And there’s nothing Scott can do about it.

That sense of helplessness remains until the evening. Scott decides not to have dinner, not only because he has completely lost his appetite, but also because his dad is there. His mom’s working and Scott refuses to sit down with his father pretending like everything’s alright. It’s not alright. His anger might have subsided, but there’s still a little pilot light inside him that’s waiting to be fuelled.

Scott gets up from his bed. It’s just past eight o’clock, and his ceiling doesn't seem to have the answer. This is crazy. They need to talk. Liam needs him and, if anything, Scott needs him just as much. He likes Liam. He likes spending time with him, and even though most of that time is spent in the rain, Scott’s skin craves the warmth of the sunshine that comes with Liam Dunbar’s smile. His earlobes tingle as he recalls the faint memory of the sound of the boy’s laughter in the café and the idiocy when Scott is being tactless. He likes that feeling the most; when he has subconsciously lightened the mood between them. When he has accidentally made Liam happy again. It’s almost effortless; like chemistry.

He puts on his jacket and hurries out the door, just in time to avoid his dad’s questions. His motorcycle is out on the curb and Scott gets on it, his helmet strapped tightly around his head. The grip he has on the handlebars is tight; persistent.

Apparently his sense of navigation is really strong, because he still remembers exactly where Liam lives, even though he has only been there twice. Adrenaline is pumping through his veins as he drives over to the house, drawing steadily closer to his goal. That’s why he needs Liam. Liam gives him an acute sense of purpose; a mental focus that Scott’s existence isn’t just the tip of a needle in that God forsaken galaxy. No, on the contrary, Scott is the galaxy. He’s the sun. He’s the planets, the moon, the darkness that embraces every atom, every chemical, and every chain reaction.

And he’s determined to see the stars.

He arrives at the Dunbar household only minutes later, realizing that such a timely arrival had to have broken at least a few speeding regulations. Oh well.

The garage door on the right side is open, Scott notices as he steps off his bike. After taking off his helmet, he sneaks a look inside.

“Scott?” Liam gasps when he catches the guy. He’s standing next to his stepdad. There’s also a bike that has been turned upside down.

Dr. Dunbar looks up. His hands are dirty from oiling the new chain and he throws a pleasantly surprised look in Scott’s direction. He gets up.

“Hello,” Scott greets them sheepishly. “Sorry to come around unannounced.”

“That’s fine. We actually just finished,” Liam’s stepdad dismisses his apology. He spins the pedals a couple of times and the back wheel starts rolling. “There, good as new,” he says to Liam, but the pride in his voice makes it sound like it’s more to himself. He wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand before turning back to Scott. “So you’re Scott,” he says, “I’d shake your hand, but, err…”

“That’s alright,” Scott smiles. “It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Dunbar.”

“It’s nice to finally meet Liam’s rival as well.”

Scott’s face twists and he tilts his head to the side a little.

“You’re the captain of the lacrosse team, aren’t you?” Dr. Dunbar verifies. “Liam mentioned he was quite impressed by you. Apparently he’s gonna have to wait until you graduate before he can take your place.”

Behind his stepdad, Liam’s scratching his neck uncomfortably. His free hand has caught his elbow and he doesn’t dare to look up. “I’m right here, you know...” he mumbles warningly.

“What? It’s not a secret that you want to become captain, is it?”

Liam gives him a look, but Scott’s face is full of amusement. He actually has to stifle a laugh.

Dr. Dunbar blinks a couple of times at his stepson, but then he shrugs. “Right then. Seems like I’ve said enough,” he chuckles. “I’ll leave you guys to it. Make yourself at home, Scott.”

“Thank you, Dr. Dunbar.”

The middle aged man smiles gently at him before moving to the back of the garage and through a door, which supposedly leads into the kitchen. He also seems to be taking the comfortable atmosphere with him, because when the door falls into its lock, Scott’s suddenly aware of the cold air outside again. He walks up to Liam.

“So he finally fixed your bike, huh?” he asks, spinning the wheel once.

Liam nods quietly, still scratching his neck. Scott’s worried he’ll rip his skin apart if he does it for much longer.

“What, err… What are you doing here?” Liam wonders with a strained voice.

“I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday,” Scott answers in all honesty. He takes another step forward. “Well, actually, I wanted you to talk about it.”

Liam’s brow furrows and he shuffles backwards a little. “I don’t really think there’s much to talk about…”

Scott scrunches his nose. “Don’t you…?”

“I think we both know what happened.” Liams huffs out a trembling breath.

Scott shifts his weight onto his other leg, still holding his helmet. Supposedly, Liam’s right about that. “Did you…? You know…” His eyes flick towards Liam’s arm.

The boy presses his lips together and his body stiffens. His voice is barely audible when he answers, “Yeah…”

Scott’s heart sinks into his stomach, as quickly as a pound of lead dropping onto his head. He has to grab the bike next to him to keep himself from stumbling under the weight, but he quickly regains himself.

“I’m not mad…” he tries with a low voice, wary to scare Liam away. Even though there aren’t a lot of places he can run off to, since they’re at his house.

“I broke your promise though,” Liam replies, voice thick with self-pity. The stickiness of it latches itself around Scott’s heart immediately.

“A promise you didn’t make,” Scott recalls his words from last night.

Liam nods, but it doesn’t come across as very convincing. He still hasn’t granted Scott a look, which doesn’t really help with the whole tension thing they’ve got going on. “I didn’t mean to, you know,” Liam whispers.

“I know.” Scott doesn’t have to think about that response. “It’s okay.”

“Except that it’s not okay. Not really,” Liam mutters. He kicks the concrete.

Scott cracks his neck, suddenly noticing how cold he has actually gotten from the ride over. “Look…can we go inside? And just…talk about it?”

One corner of Liam’s lips curls downwards, like he’s hesitative or unsure. He shakes his head a little. “Scott, it’s like I said before. It’s not going to get any better and…and I think we should just stop. I don’t…I can’t...” He inhales deeply, folding his arms in front of his chest, elbows resting in the palms of his hands. “It has been fun and, really, thank you for all you’ve done, but…I don’t…I don’t want to keep disappointing you.”

Scott’s jaw drops an inch.

Is he being serious right now? After everything they’ve been through, Liam’s just going to push him away again? Now that Scott finally realizes how much Liam actually means to him? The pilot flame inside his chest grows. And it doesn’t grow steadily. No. It’s as if the sun has been thrown down onto Earth, a ball of fire shooting straight at Scott. The energy it contains is too much to hold inside his ribcage. The heat, the frustration, boils around his bones and makes him want to rip off his jacket. It surges under his skin, causing the hairs on his arms to rise. Scott wants to burst. He wants to explode with the ferocity of the sun. He wants to use all those Hydrogen, Helium, Oxygen, Carbon, Iron, Neon, Nitrogen, Silicon, Magnesium and Sulfur molecules and just get through to Liam.

“No. No, we’re doing this,” he says with such a stern tone it even surprises himself. “Liam, you’re my friend. I care about you and I like hanging out with you and I’m not going to stop doing that, just because you’re feeling guilty.”

Finally, the boy catches Scott’s gaze. Liam’s eyes have widened from shock and at first Scott thinks it’s because of how angry he sounds. But then it hits him; it’s because Liam hadn’t expected Scott to understand. Which is profoundly insane, because of course Scott’s understands. He understands because he has spent so much freaking time with Liam.

“Yes, I know you feel guilty about last night,” he voices Liam’s astonishment. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m not going to stop listening to you.” He folds his hands over his nose and mouth, breathing steadily for a mere second. “I’m gonna keep listening to you. Even if it takes days, weeks, months, years. I don’t care, okay? The only thing I care about is you. And…” He swallows, pondering if he should actually spill the words that are teasing the tip of his tongue.

Screw it.

“And I think you’re a bad friend if you won’t let me, because you know me. You know I need to feel worthy and with you, I have that. I need you,” his breath hitches in his throat, for a moment unable to comprehend that he has actually said that. “I need you, okay?” he can’t help his mouth from repeating that sentence. “I need you, so stop pushing me away.”

Scott’s chest is rising and falling quickly. That’s how out of breath he is. He pushes his knees backwards a little, locking them, so they won’t hit the ground below him. His spine stiffens as well, showing off his strong-willed posture. He’s not going to budge. Not this time. Not any time. Not anymore. After everything that has happened in the last day, he needs a victory.

Liam’s pupils haven’t stopped dilating and his lips looks crumpled up and dry. Scott knows there’s a big chance he has made the boy’s sense of guilt even worse, but it also might be that the hardness of his words have overruled that sense and are actually coming through to Liam.

The latter proves to be true when visible tears well up inside Liam’s eyes. And, just like that, Scott knows he has made it rain inside Liam’s head. Maybe even thunder a little, but Scott doesn’t care. It’s okay, actually. It is okay, because…because if Scott can make it rain, that means he has started to learn to control the weather. And…and it means that…maybe…just maybe…it is just a matter of time before he learns how to stop the rain as well. Maybe they just need a little bit more time before Liam will allow himself to cuddle up against Scott’s body and let his mind absorb the sun in Scott’s chest. Forever summer.

Liam suddenly launches forward and for a second Scott thinks he’s coming in for a hug, but instead Liam moves past him. He closes the garage door, before turning back around. Scott can only just about notice him wiping his eyes. “Would you like anything to drink?” Liam then asks, voice cracking a little.

Scott perks up instantly, because even though he had hoped for it, the gesture still proves a little unexpected. Probably because it’s so anti-climactic. “Coffee would be nice,” he takes the opportunity to make up for his sudden outburst.

Liam snorts softly as they enter the kitchen. “With four sugars?”

Scott chuckles, a little impressed by Liam’s memory. “Yes, please.”

Liam shakes his head, but is grinning nonetheless. He turns on the coffee maker. Scott leans against the counter, hands jammed into his pockets and the helmet pushed up over his elbow.

When Liam moves past him to take a mug from one of the cabinets above him, Scott lets his impulse take over. He locks eyes with Liam. Their gaze lingers and their faces are only a couple of inches away from each other. Scott gives him a small nod and makes the lines in the corners of his eyes visible, smiling gently at him. It’s a small gesture, tiny, even, but it makes Liam’s cheeks flush and it’s enough for the boys to know they’re okay. It strengthens the bond between them – Scott can feel it thickening, like fixing a belt just one hole tighter.

When Liam has prepared Scott’s coffee – again, shaking his head as he puts four sugars in it – they move out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Scott pauses to leave his helmet there as well. When he gets back up, he looks at the door to what he thinks is the living room.

“Shouldn’t I say hi to your mom?”

“Nah, it’s alright,” Liam brushes it off.

It makes Scott think that Liam might be eager to get upstairs and for it to be just the two of them. He smiles at that.

“If you say so,” he says with a little shrug before following Liam up the stairs.

The house is huge, and sure, Scott would’ve expected that from having seen the garden before, but it’s still impressive. The landing opens into a large hall, the walls painted in a faint yellow colour with a marble line splitting them in the middle. Their footsteps echo off the walls as they walk, and Scott realizes that wealth truly mustn’t equal happiness, for he can imagine Liam being lonely at times in such a large house.

Liam’s room is just as big. The boy flicks on the light and immediately Scott’s eyes are drawn towards the big dresser next to the window with medals and trophies on it. They glimmer faintly and Scott assumes they’re from lacrosse games. Liam’s desk is covered in paper sheets and books – probably homework – and the sheets on his bed are messed up. The floor’s made of wood, but there’s a big rug in the middle, which Scott thinks is nice, since Liam probably won’t have any cold feet in the morning.

It’s also the only thing that looks warm in Liam’s room. Altogether, it just looks lifeless and messy. Not dusty or dirty, but just…disorganized.

“I’m sorry for the mess,” Liam apologizes with a shaky voice. He has noticed Scott’s curious look around the room.

“Don’t worry about it,” Scott replies. “Mine’s like this all the time as well.”

It’s not.

Liam nods, but starts picking up some clothes nonetheless. His bedroom door opens and he rushes to the laundry basket across the hall. Scott watches him with raised eyebrows. He sits down on Liam’s bed – on the end on top of the sheets, for sitting on the white mattress somehow feels a little too personal. Liam continues to clean up a bit.

“Come here,” Scott says to his rummaging friend, a calming smile around his lips. “Really, I don’t mind the mess.”

Liam scratches his neck and looks around his room one more time before he obeys. He carefully places himself down next to Scott, on the very edge of the bed.

Scott watches Liam’s bouncy knee and the hasty looks he keeps shooting towards the door. He frowns a little, debating if he should put a hand on Liam’s leg, but refrains. “I’m sorry for coming at you that way,” he says.

“It’s alright,” Liam replies softly. “I get that I can be frustrating.”

Scott huffs out a breath, because that’s actually not true. It’s unfair, even. “It wasn’t entirely because of you,” he admits. “I also talked to my dad this morning.”

Liam looks up. “What about?”

“The thing I didn’t want to talk about…” Scott trails off, referring to their conversation that Tuesday.

Liam swallows. “What did he tell you?”

“Apparently he’s a drunk who accidentally pushed me down the stairs when I was a kid,” Scott explains briefly, voice monotone, his stomach boiling again when he recalls the conversation. “I told him it was just an accident, but that him leaving wasn’t, so…”

“So you’re still mad at him…” Liam fills in the blanks.

Scott nods slowly. “Yeah…” He shakes his head a little, clearing his mind. “But now I’m doing all the talking again. And that isn’t why I’m here,” he says, voice lowering. “So…tell me what happened yesterday.”

Liam shrugs a little. His eyes avert towards his lap, where his fingers are fumbling nervously with each other. “I’m gonna sound like a broken record,” he says, his words followed by a soft sarcastic chuckle, “but I felt guilty.”

Scott’s face falls a little. “I know...was it towards me again?”

Liam hums. “Don’t worry, it’s not your fault,” he explains. “It just happens. I get one bad thought and then it just keeps going.”

“What were you thinking?” Scott wants to know.

Liam snorts. He scrunches up his nose in a painful matter. “That I was only being a bother to you.”

Scott opens his mouth to tell Liam once again that’s not true; to convince him that he needs Liam just as much as Liam needs him. But he quickly remembers that this time he isn’t here to speak.

He’s here to listen.

“I mean, I still don’t understand why you’re doing all this for me,” Liam continues. “It’s not like I do anything for you. Or as if I’m such great company.” The hard look on his face deepens. “I guess I can’t see things from your point of view and I…” He scoffs. “I literally can’t think of a reason as to why you’re here again, especially not after last night.”

Scott nods slowly. Not because he agrees, but to show he understands. Silence coats the room and Scott goes into a mental ramble where he repeats the same thing to Liam that he told him in the garage; that Scott cares about him, that Liam gives him a purpose. And maybe that sounds wrong or weird and maybe that’s not what a friendship should be based on, but it doesn’t matter, because it’s reason enough for Scott.

“But you do have a reason, don’t you?” Liam breaks the quiet barrier, much to Scott’s surprise. “Because you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.” His knee has stopped bouncing and he has caught Scott’s gaze. “I don’t have to come up with a reason, because it’s not about me. It’s about you and if you decide to be here, then I shouldn’t try to come up with a million arguments about why you shouldn’t be here and feel guilty about it.” His eyebrows rise a little, the lines in his face softening. “I don’t know why I keep doing that.”

A smile tugs on the corners of Scott’s lips. He shrugs lightly, the action barely even visible. He doesn’t know either.

“But it’s okay,” Liam sighs.

Scott exhales a breath through his nose, one he didn’t even realize he was holding. It makes Liam chuckle a little.

“Thank you,” he says, still holding Scott’s eyes with his.

Scott’s smile brightens, and he too can’t look away, because star gazing is way too much fun. His little plan has worked, because Liam has figured all this out by himself. The fact that Scott had gone on a rant didn’t matter now, because in the end he had let Liam talk. He hadn’t put anything in Liam’s head, he hadn’t forced him to make empty promises, nor had he pushed him. He had just let him be and now Liam understood. The best thing about that, even, is that it doesn’t mean Liam doesn’t need Scott anymore now, because he does. He just needs him to listen. Scott is the only one Liam really trusts with his secret and Scott doesn’t have to make up for that.

Scott’s voice cracks a little when he speaks, “It’s nothing. I… I, err…” He hesitates. His stomach flutters and his fingers twitch as he searches for courage. “I really…” He clears his throat, but only makes it burn by doing so. “I like you, Liam.”

A faint shade of red covers Liam’s ears, but this time he doesn’t look away. Instead, everything around them seems to fade and Liam makes no attempt to flee from it. “I like you too, Scott.”

The hairs in Scott’s neck straighten and the burning sensation that had just been in his throat now shoots down his spine. It warms his belly, his stomach seemingly doing backflips from eager anticipation and Scott…

Scott is the sun.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

It’s Wednesday, and the halls of Beacon High are filled with paper hearts and fake red roses. Unmistakably, it’s Valentine’s Day. Scott doesn’t need all the decorations to know that, since Lydia has been rambling on about it for what feels like years. Tonight’s her big date with Deputy Parrish, and she’s not letting any opportunity to remind Scott and Stiles about that pass her by.

Aside from the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day, Scott’s a big fan. He thinks it’s cute; watching people confess their love for each other. Everyone always thinks of it as such a cliché, but Scott’s convinced that there’s not one person in the world that doesn’t feel flattered when they receive a stuffed teddy bear or a box of chocolates.

He and Allison would celebrate it as well. They would write each other cards and put them in each other’s lockers. A little surprise, just for the two of them.

Scott’s mouth floods with a bittersweet taste.

“So, what time’s your date again?” Stiles asks, having just elbowed Scott. “Because I don’t think you’ve mentioned it.”

Lydia gives him an obvious look. “Make fun of me all you want, but nerves are a great motivator. Nerves make you perfect,” she says with an upheld finger. “And I need to be perfect tonight.”

Stiles scoffs, shaking his head a little. “You always look perfect.”

Lydia turns around swiftly. She examines him for a moment with great distrust. When she’s sure Stiles isn’t joking, she nods. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Stiles says through gritted teeth.

Scott snickers, because there had been a time when Stiles had wished Lydia would’ve taken his compliments and noticed him. And, naturally, now that he has finally fallen out of love with her, she does. Because, to Stiles, that’s the universe. He’s convinced it’s never on his side. He’s plagued by bad luck. Always.

“Do you two have any plans?” Lydia wonders after they’ve settled down in the library. They all have a free period.

Stiles shoots a look at Scott, before taking his hand in his. “Well, actually…” he swoons playfully.

Scott doesn’t hesitate to join in. “I was thinking of taking Stiles to this great doughnut place…” Stiles snorts, pressing his lips tightly together in an attempt to contain the laughter brimming just behind them.

Lydia’s eyes flick up from her book. “You guys are not going there tonight. I’m serious. Not happening.”

Scott and Stiles both chuckle, taking their books out of their bags as well.

“Seriously, though, any plans?” Lydia repeats her question. Her eyes have fixated on Scott in particular.

He shifts a little in his seat, eying her with suspicion. “No…who should I have any plans with?”

Lydia rolls her eyes. “With Liam, duh,” she answers. “See, this is what I don’t get about guys. You admit you like someone and then everything just ends after that.”

“Well, it’s complicated…” Scott mutters.

“Isn’t it always?”

“Not with Allison it wasn’t…”

Lydia’s face falls and she rubs her forehead. The blow had come a little unexpectedly and Scott instantly regrets his words. He hadn’t meant to make her feel bad. “Are you going to do something to remember her…later?”

Scott shrugs a little, stomach tightening. “I’ve thought about it,” he admits, “but now with this whole thing with Liam it just feels weird, you know?”

Lydia sighs. “You should really start to see them separately.” She swallows, shuffling her heels across the carpet. “They’re two totally different individuals. One of them is in the past…the other is in the present…” Her hair sweeps up from the hand she runs through it. “It’s unfair to keep treating them like they’re both here.” She chews on her bottom lip for a moment. “No matter how much we want that…”

Scott nods slowly. He twists and turns his pen between his fingers, staring at it with a thoughtful look. “Would you…” he clears his trembling voice. “Would you mind coming with me?” He looks up at her carefully. “When I go to see her?”

Lydia’s eyebrows rise ever so slightly. The emerald in her eyes darkens for a moment. “Of course I wouldn’t,” she answers sincerely, before regaining her composure and closing her eyes briefly. “We’ll go right after school, because I can’t be late for my date.” She purses her lips in a smirk.

Scott shakes his head and Stiles doesn’t look up from his notepad when he comments, “Oh? You have a date? Please, do tell.”

Scott scoffs, and even Lydia has to laugh softly. Stiles sneaks a glance up at Scott, who in return throws him a thankful look for lessening the weight that had pushed down upon their moods. Small gestures of kindness like that always warm Scott’s stomach.

“What about you, Stiles?” Lydia changes the direction of the conversation. “Do you have anyone special you’d like to take on a date?”

“Nope,” Stiles mutters, still not looking up from his homework.

“Really? No one?” Lydia pushes. “Not even…say…someone that might pop up when you least expect it?”

Stiles is suddenly hauled from his chair with so much force that it falls backwards, making a loud thud on the floor. Scott and Lydia both look up, shocked. They watch their friend be dragged across to the other side of the room and jammed against one of the bookcases. The librarian has gotten up from behind her desk. Her glasses have fallen to the very edge of her nose and she’s watching the drama speechlessly.

Stiles is panting heavily from the shock, his tongue lolling from his mouth as he tries to breathe normally. “Malia? What the hell?!”

“Go out with me,” she hisses through gritted teeth. She’s holding Stiles by his collar, still trapping him against the bookcase. The denim sweater she’s wearing has fallen partly off her shoulders.

Stiles knew Malia’s mother had past away when she was young. She was raised by her dad, which probably explained her rough handling and lack of tact. Some would say she sometimes came across like a jock or a typical high school bully. But even though those traits were mostly found unattractive; Stiles enjoyed them. His mother had died when he was five, so he could understand where she was coming from. It’s also the one thing they have in common; a very important one.

One of his feet slips out from under him and Stiles tries to hold on to some books, throwing them onto the floor in the process. “W-What?” he stammers.

Everyone in the library is watching them intently; some without shame and some sneaking peeks from behind their books, knowing better than to bring attention to themselves.

“Go on a date with me,” Malia repeats in the same demanding tone.

Stiles frowns when he realizes he has heard her correctly. “What? I… I didn’t know you liked…” he swallows. “Me.”

“That’s because you’re an idiot,” Malia replies sternly. She tightens her grip around Stiles’ neck, stance wide. The look in her eyes doesn’t soften. “I tried to tell you when we were watching Marley & Me months ago, but you were a sobbing mess.”

“Hey, that movie is very sad!” Stiles defends himself. He can see Scott nodding along fiercely in the background.

“Do you like me too?” Malia wants to know.

Stiles’ frown deepens. He looks upwards theatrically. “Well…” He scrambles to his feet again. “…I am strangely aroused right now.”

“Good,” Malia responds. “Pick me up at seven. I like deer.” She lets go of him with just as much force as she had taken hold of him with.

“Duly noted,” Stiles says as she walks off. He winks at her, pointing his finger. Malia rolls her eyes.

Stiles straightens out his clothes as she exits the library. He picks up his chair from the floor and slumps back down in it. His book has become his shield, and Scott’s staring at him with widened eyes – as are the rest of the students.

“I tried to tell you…” Lydia says in a provoking tone.

“What? You knew?”

“Of course I did,” Lydia answers. “It’s obvious.”

Stiles’ jaw drops in tandem with his eyebrows, one eye more closed than the other. “How was it obvious?”

Lydia thinks, before shrugging it off. “Maybe it was after she told me.”

“When did she tell you?!”

“When I helped out with her Math homework.”

“You mean when you made her cry?”

“That was one time!”

Stiles gapes at her. “And weeks ago! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Lydia raises her shoulders lightly. “I promised her I’d keep it a secret.”

Scott watches Stiles’ eyelid twitch. His best friend throws up his hands. “Unbelievable,” he mutters. “Am I really that stupid?”

“Hey,” Scott interferes. “You’re not stupid,” he reassures him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “You just tend to be a little blind to the things that are right in front of you.”

“Oh, so you knew as well?!”

“What? Me?” Scott quickly shakes his head. “No. No, I lost my sight years ago,” he tries to make a joke out of it, waving his hand in front of his face.

Stiles shakes his head. “I hate all of you.”

Scott and Lydia snicker, both getting back to their work. They decide to leave their friend in peace…or rather, in turmoil, giving him some space to process what has just happened. Looking at Stiles’ foul expression, that might take the whole hour.

But the silence only lasts for a couple of minutes. They hear the soles of someone’s shoes shuffling across the floor and Scott is the first one to look up. When he sees who it is, he smiles brightly.

“Liam! Hey,” he blurts out excitedly.

Behind him the librarian shushes.

Scott shrinks in on himself a little, now continuing in a softer voice, “What are you doing here? Do you have a free period as well?”

Liam shakes his head. “No, I actually have class. But on my way to the bathroom I ran into Malia and she said you guys were here, so…”

Scott’s eyebrows knit together. In a flash, he gives Liam a once over. “Are you okay?” he asks.

Liam nods. “Yeah. Yeah, no, I’m fine,” he quickly assures his friend. “It’s just… I have…”

He lets his backpack fall from his shoulder, crouching down. Unzipping it, he rummages through it. Scott notices his hands are trembling. “I need to give you something,” Liam mumbles, “and it has to be today or else it’s just stupid.” He’s still looking through the contents of his bag. “That is, if I can find it,” he whispers with slight annoyance. “Ah, there it is.” He stands back up and outstretches his arm.

Scott’s gaze holds Liam’s eyes, the boy noticing the thin lines of shadow that are cast over his nose. When he blinks, they disappear.

“Scott?”

“Oh, right,” he snaps back, eyes now gliding from Liam’s own to the envelope he’s holding in his hand. His heart skips a beat. “What’s this?” he asks, taking the item.

“Just look,” the boy answers impatiently. He throws a hasty look around himself, flashing a quick smile towards Scott’s friends, who are looking up with the same surprised expression on their faces as Scott.

Scott’s fingers twitch a couple of times as he opens the envelope. Inside of it is a card and he wiggles it out.

Which proves to be very hard when your hands won’t stop shaking.

He looks at the front, a tingle sweeping up from the back of his neck towards his ears. His cheeks warm when he reads what’s written there. His heartbeat is in his throat, and he swallows a couple of times in an attempt to get it back down.

‘Are you made of Cupper and Tellurium? Because you’re Cu _29_ Te _52_ ’, it reads.

Scott finds himself at a loss for words. He looks back up at Liam before looking back at the card. Liam rises and falls on and off his tiptoes a couple of times, rocking in place. The hem of his shirt has started to ruffle from pulling at it. He points at the card. “It’s funny, because it’s about chemistry and…”

“Yeah, no, I get it,” Scott replies softly. “It’s…” His breath hitches in his throat. “It’s great. Thank you.”

Liam’s head falls forward as he exhales deeply, shoulders relaxing visibly. “You like it?”

Scott’s lips pull into a sincere smile. “I do.”

“Okay. Okay, good,” Liam replies quickly. He shoots another look towards the door. “Then… I think I should go back to class,” he says, pointing towards the hallway with his thumb. He swings his backpack back over his shoulder.

Scott nods slowly. “Yeah. I think you should.”

“Okay.”

Their eyes linger for a couple of seconds - both their cheeks reddened - before Liam gives a fierce nod and swiftly turns around on his heels, heading back to his class.

Scott stares at the card in his hands. His thumb brushes across the hand written letters and he lets out a soft sigh.

When he looks back up, Lydia has folded her hands over her chest. Her face is in awe and right when Scott’s about to say something, she squeals, “I think I just died. Oh my God. That is adorable.”

Stiles snickers behind his hand, obviously glad that he’s now not the only one with an embarrassing Valentine’s Day anecdote. “Never had such an eventful fourth period,” he jokes.

Lydia holds Scott’s stare, still touched. “See, you should totally focus on the present,” she reminds him.

Scott’s smile shows teeth and he nods, clutching the card a little tighter in his hands.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

It’s safe to say the rest of Scott’s day is a lot more colourful, and Scott wouldn’t be Scott if his mind hadn’t already started working on returning a nice gesture to Liam. It had come as such a surprise as well, because even though they had admitted they liked each other, Scott hadn’t considered that they would actually do something with that information. They had only know each other solidly for, like, what? Three weeks now? That’s really fast for a friendship to develop.

Then again, was it really a friendship they had been building? Scott would be lying if he said that he hadn’t noticed he cared an uncharacteristic amount about Liam, but with everyone constantly telling him he always seemed to care too much, he might have mistaken his feelings for something more platonic.

And if that were true, there was always one question left to answer: namely, could he date Liam? It would be the first time after Allison.

He rubs his temples before going back to staring out the window again. School’s out and he and Lydia are in her car. She eyes him sideways.

“Are you okay?” she asks, trying to pay attention to the road in the meantime.

Scott hums. “Just…overthinking things, I suppose,” he answers truthfully.

“About Liam?” Lydia guesses correctly.

Scott nods. “I can’t shake this feeling like I’ll be cheating on Allison if I date him.”

Lydia nods understandingly, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel as they stop in front of a red light. It stays quiet until the light turns green.

“Why don’t you talk to her about it?”

Scott frowns. “Who? Allison?”

Lydia hums. “Yeah. Just ask her if she would be okay with you dating Liam.”

Scott’s frowns deepens as he gives her a weird look. “It’s kinda hard to get an answer, you know…”

“No, it isn’t,” Lydia disagrees, shaking her head. “I ask her things all the time.”

Scott’s jaw drops a little. “You do?”

Lydia hums again, but this time it’s a bit more high-pitched. “This isn’t the first time I’ve gone to visit her.”

“I know, but…asking her…that…it just sounds awkward.”

“I thought the same when Ms. Morrell suggested it to me,” Lydia admits. “But in the end I tried it and it actually really helped.”

Scott licks his lips. He sits up a bit more. “What, err...” He clears his throat. “What did you ask her?”

Lydia pushes her shoulder blades deeper into the driver’s seat, straightening her back. A strand of her hair falls in front of her face and she tucks it back behind her ear.

“If it was okay to move on,” she confesses softly.

Scott’s eyes widen a little, the confession serving as another reminder of the fact that he clearly doesn’t know everything about Lydia.

“How did she answer?” he wonders.

Lydia’s eyes narrow as she remembers. “It wasn’t anything big. Like, I didn’t see her ghost or hear her voice or anything like that. I just…got a feeling.”

“A feeling?”

“Yeah, a feeling.” She sighs. “I can’t describe it, but from the moment I felt it, I knew it was okay. That she would want that.”

Scott ogles her, dumbstruck. “When was all this?”

“Last year,” she answers. “I think around October?”

Scott thinks for a while before everything seemingly falls into place. “Right after we met Kira and Malia?”

Lydia nods. “Yep.”

“So…is that why you were so distant towards them at first?”

“Back then it felt wrong to hang out with them,” she explains, “and, you know, to make jokes and laugh. Especially since they didn’t know Allison, so she was never mentioned.” She catches Scott’s gaze. “It felt like cheating.”

Scott nods, amazed by his friend’s story. “I never knew that.”

Lydia smirks. “You really didn’t think you knew everything about me, did you?” she repeats her words from the week before.

That makes Scott snort. His friend truly is a mystery. Then again, she also isn’t mysterious. Scott knows that if you ask Lydia the right questions, you can get to know a lot about her. He had learned that from Stiles. Maybe Scott had to admit that he had forgotten that lately, being too busy with all of his own stuff going on. Then again, he could trust that Lydia would be fine on her own. She was strong like that. Scott knew that as well. He envied that in her, even. She always seemed like she could let her emotions flow openly and go with them, without feeling sad or guilty.

They arrive at the graveyard a short while later. Scott had only been there twice and apparently it hadn’t changed much since his last visit. The first time he had been there had been at the funeral, obviously. The second time had come a couple of months later, when he was missing her too much. His mom had come with him and he had cried against her chest. Her hands had stroked through his hair and Scott had felt like a little kid again. Only that time, not like the helpless five year old, but like the baby his mother used to cradle. She had loved Allison as well and was stricken with almost as much heartache as Scott. To him, it was nice to have her share in his grief.

It’s considerably cloudy for such a happy occasion as Valentine’s Day. Lydia crosses her arms in front of her chest, hugging her coat tighter against her body as they walk across the gravel path. The wind is chilly, but it doesn’t bother Scott as much.

People would say that Allison had been buried on a peaceful spot, but to Scott, the whole graveyard looks the same. It’s almost as if a different air hangs around it; a soft bubble of light and serenity. To him, they could’ve laid her anywhere, because it would have been the same. It’s a nice thought, but also a discomforting one, because it would mean that all the gravestones are equal, which they aren’t, because there are different people under them, and different memories. It’s sad to think that for every visitor, only one or two plots stand out, and the rest of them get neglected. Would those people mind that if they were looking down on Scott right now? Should he pause at every single stone and pay his respects?

He doesn’t know.

Lydia intertwines her arm with his and Scott gladly lets her lead him.

After a while they stop. There’s still a candle burning under the engraved script, Scott assuming that Allison’s dad must still come here a lot. He swallows, and Lydia tightens her grip on his arm. She inhales a sharp breath, but Scott doesn’t hear her breathe out. Her eyes close briefly as if she’s making a silent vow. Scott is curious as to what she’s mentally saying, but he doesn’t want to invade her privacy and ask. So, instead, he copies her motion, closing his eyes as well.

The wind whispers through the trees, making the leaves – and Scott – quiver. The rustling sound is the only one he can hear. There’s no hum of traffic, or whistling birdsong. There’s just silence. A peaceful silence, Scott realizes. A shiver creeps down his spine when he realizes what people mean when they say someone’s ‘resting’ here.

He is pulled out of his thoughts when Lydia finally exhales. Her red lips have stuck together, but she blows them open, parting them a little. After that, she opens her eyes, blinking rapidly. Scott’s not sure if it’s from the brightness of the light or because of tears.

She turns to look at Scott. There’s a gentle smile on her face; a satisfied one, even. It makes Scott’s interest grow. It appears as if she has just received some kind of closure, and Scott feels a hint of jealousy curling in his stomach. He wants closure. He wants to know that it’s okay.

He turns to look at the headstone again, sighing as he reads the dates. Lydia stays quiet, granting Scott the space he needs.

He hesitates for a couple of minutes, opening his mouth and closing it again, until he finally tries to speak.

“Allison…”

He looks up at the sound of his own voice. For a split moment he thinks he’s shouting, but it’s probably just an effect of the stillness of the place.

“Allison, I…” He presses his lips into a thin line, before he continues. “I miss you.”

Lydia tightens her grip.

“I miss you so much,” Scott repeats. The words fall from his mouth and hit the ground in front of the grave, as if trying to hug and comfort the cold stone. Scott looks up at the sky for a moment, suddenly thinking he might not be able to do this. That he doesn’t have the courage. It hurts too much, something Scott didn’t think it still would. It has been a year, after all and, sure, he thinks about her almost every day, but he hadn’t expected that talking to her would be this hard.

“I love you,” he breathes. He sniffs, straightening his back a little. “I still love you.”

Lydia nods, the motion barely visible.

“But…” Scott sighs. “But there’s this boy…” He quickly wipes his nose when he feels it has started to run. “His name’s Liam.” His bottom lip gets caught between his teeth. He smiles a little. “But you probably already know that.” He scoffs through his tears. The water that has started to blur his vision is noticeable in his eyes. “And I…”

The lump in his throat hurts. He looks at Lydia when he continues, “And I like him.”

She smiles gently, putting her head on his shoulder comfortingly.

Scott returns the gesture, pressing his cheek against the top of her head for a couple of seconds, before he turns back to Allison. “But we…we never broke up,” he says, bottom lip trembling. “So that means we’re still together and I…” He huffs. “I don’t want to…I don’t want to hurt your feelings by dating him.”

The lump finally dissolves into his stomach. Scott clears a hand through his hair. “So, if you could just tell me it’s okay…” He scoffs at himself. “Or give me a sign, then I…”

But he doesn’t dare to speak those next three words. Lydia notices this and she nudges him a little, encouraging him. Scott looks at her, tilting his head, asking her to stop. But she shakes her head, the smile on her face still as sincere and comforting. Scott sighs, his shoulders slumping down.

“Then I can move on…” he murmurs.

The wind rustles through the trees again. Scott listens to it, trying to see if he can make out her voice in it. But it isn’t there. It’s just air; a natural occurrence that doesn’t carry souls of the lost ones. It’s nothing. There is no faith, no afterlife, no religion that can prove otherwise. Allison is dead. She’s gone. And Scott’s pathetic for asking for confirmation that she can’t give.

But right when that thought fades into the depths of his mind, a wave of heat washes over him. He’s flooded by it. Goosebumps crawl over his body like tiny needles darting on his skin. Not just on his arms, but also on his legs, his feet, his shoulders, his fingers, his thighs, his chest, his back, his stomach, the top of his head. Scott looks down from the blow and notices the flame of the candle has ignited a little brighter. It sparks, casting a quick shadow across the stone. A wave of air thrusts against Scott’s body and the fence behind him and Lydia screeches from being blown open. Scott’s mouth is agape and he turns to look at Lydia.

He’s about to ask her if she felt that too, seeking confirmation that he hadn’t imagined it, that his conflicted mind hadn’t just played a trick on him. But he doesn’t have to, because she’s still smiling, and Scott realizes that moment had been real. He feels close to freaking out, but a sense of hope and relief hits him with so much force that it almost makes him cry again. He covers his mouth with his hands and grins. God, he laughs, even, because this is a combination of really creepy and basically insane that he has never felt before.

Yet Scott has never felt such peace of mind in only a heartbeat. He finally understands what Liam means when he says he’s feeling content.

Scott has to admit it’s wonderful.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)

Lydia drops Scott off at four thirty. He manages to tell her a quick ‘thank you, good luck and have fun’, before she spurts off towards the location of her date. Scott enters his house through the front door, swiftly discovering the smell of his mother’s cooking is already filling the hallway. Apparently its spaghetti and meatballs that she’s making. It’s one of Scott’s favourite meals, and also his mother’s; probably because of how easy it is to make.

Once he has closed the door behind him, he immediately notices the suitcases that are piled up next to the staircase. Scott walks up to them, putting his backpack down next to one of the cases. The contrast of their sizes makes him frown. He turns around and moves into the kitchen, where his dad is sat at the table, and his mom is, as expected, in front of the stove.

“You’re leaving,” Scott voices his observation. It’s not a question; he knows his suspicion is accurate.

His dad nods, averting his gaze. “I am,” he confirms. “The case I’ve been working on closed up, so…”

Scott’s eyebrows rise. “So there’s no reason for you to stay here anymore, right?”

His father sighs deeply as Melissa continues to stir her sauce. “I’m sorry, Scott,” he says. “But you and your mom have built such a nice life together. I don’t want to intrude on that.”

Scott catches his mother nodding slowly in the background. “It’s alright,” he brushes it off, just another apology in a series of many. “I get it.”

Rafael doesn’t respond to that, so, just like he did on Monday morning, Scott moves upstairs. He doesn’t want to talk to his dad. He doesn’t want to say goodbye. He didn’t get to do that the first time either, so why should he now? If his dad wants to leave, then he should just leave. Scott has made it clear he doesn’t need him and that’s the truth. He really doesn’t. He just wants to forget his father ever came back in the first place.

The only thing Scott is slightly upset about now is that he can’t talk to his mom. He wants to tell her that he has been to see Allison. He wants to share that experience, but not when his father’s right there. He doesn’t know. He wasn’t there when she died. He didn’t get to see Scott’s broken heart then, and he doesn’t deserve to see it now.

Given that Scott does feel like talking to someone, at least, he texts Liam.

‘I really liked your card,’ he types before sending the message.

Liam’s response comes quickly.

‘Really? You didn’t think it was lame?’

Scott chuckles at that, because it’s what he’s come to expect from the boy. It’s typical Liam Dunbar; unsure, vulnerable and…actually, it’s kind of cute.

‘No, not all. It’s awesome. And well thought of,’ Scott praises him.

Liam replies with a smiley emoji and, somehow, that’s enough for Scott. He grins as well. Maybe he doesn’t want to bring down the mood by telling Liam about the graveyard. It’s probably not that well-suited a conversation to have over text either, since it’s about his ex-girlfriend. Scott clutches the phone a little tighter in his hand, brushing his thumb across the letters of Liam’s name still displayed on the screen.

Downstairs, the front door shuts. Scott can hear it falling into its lock; a clear indicator that his dad has left. He sighs, flopping backwards onto his bed. A voice in the back of his mind is still voicing its disbelief that his father has left again, but Scott keeps telling himself that he isn’t really that surprised. It had been inevitable. His dad hadn’t particularly come back for them, but for his work. It had just been a convenient coincidence that his job had assigned him to Beacon Hills.

Scott also hadn’t expected him to stay. All had been said and done; there was nothing left. If anything, the past twelve years had proved that Scott didn’t need him in his life. He and his mom were fine by themselves. Sure, their financial stability might have increased a little, but that would have required his mom and dad getting back together, and Scott didn’t see that happening in a million years. His mom might have put up with Rafael being around, but that was all there was to it.

No, they didn’t need him.

But Scott fails to completely push down the nagging feeling that he still isn’t reason enough for his dad to stay.

His mom calls him downstairs at dinner time and the empty seat at the table feels strangely familiar. Maybe even a little too normal. Scott puffs out a deep breath, the image of his dad already retreating back to the faint memory it had always been.

His mother puts a hand on his shoulder before she sits down. “Are you okay?” she asks.

Scott locks eyes with her and nods convincingly. “I’m fine,” he answers. And he means it.

Melissa smiles, nodding. She takes a large spoon from the table. “Put up your plate,” she says and Scott does so. The sauce makes a soggy sound when it’s put on top of the pasta.

“How was school?” Melissa asks after they’ve both started eating. There’s a glass of red wine next to her plate.

Scott almost chokes on his spaghetti, remembering what had happened. “It was good, actually,” he answers in between coughs.

Melissa frowns at him. “Did something happen?” she prompts, a strange tone underlying her voice. “Scott McCall, did you fail another test? And don’t lie to me because I will-”

“No! No, I’m doing well.” Scott throws his hands up innocently. “I actually get my grade from that chemistry test tomorrow, so…”

“Then what happened?”

Scott’s cheeks redden. “Well, actually…” He puts his fork down, getting up from his seat. His backpack is still in the hallway and he searches inside it for the gift he had received.

With a quiet sense of pride, Scott hands it to his mother. She looks at it, surprised, but then her face twists into an expression that perfectly mirrors the one Lydia had shown when Liam had given Scott the card. “That is so sweet,” she comments. “Who gave it to you?”

Scott pokes his fork into his food shyly. “Liam.”

His mother’s eyebrows rise in amusement. “Ah, from Liam,” she repeats, nodding. A gentle smile breaks around her thin lips. “Are you guys…?”

“No,” Scott quickly denies mid-chew. “No, we’re not together.” He swallows his food. “But, err… I guess we do like each other.”

Melissa nods, continuing her expectant stare. Scott glances up at her awkwardly. “What?” he asks after a while.

“Well…what else?”

“What do you mean ‘what else’?”

Melissa snorts, holding up her cutlery slightly. “Well, I don’t know what you kids do when you like someone nowadays. I mean, are you going on a date? Do you want to be with him?”

Scott shrugs a little. “At first I wasn’t sure,” he decides to be honest. “Because…” He twists his fork. “Because of Allison.”

His mother’s face falls as she hums softly.

“But Lydia and I went to her grave today,” Scott tells her. “And…this is going to sound stupid, but…” He sighs. “I asked her if it was okay if I moved on.”

Melissa nods. The serious look on her face doesn’t fade as she asks, “And what did she say?”

Scott smiles a little, twisting the long strings of spaghetti around the tines of his fork. “She’s okay with it, I think.”

Melissa smiles gently, nodding a bit more before she goes back to eating. She doesn’t respond to Scott’s words, but from the relaxed vibe she’s giving off, Scott can tell she’s proud of him. A weight he hadn’t noticed before lifts from his shoulders. Suddenly, the world around him seems to brighten up a little, because if everyone around him is so okay with the idea of him and Liam, then there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be. So, when he and his mother have both emptied their plates, Scott breaks the silence.

“I want to return the gesture.”

Melissa puts a hand in her curls, leaning her elbow onto the table. “What were you thinking about doing?” she asks while gently toying with her wineglass.

“Well, at first I thought I’d get a card as well, but I guess that’s not very original. You know, because he already gave me one…”

Melissa nods.

“…So now I’m thinking maybe I’ll cook him something for lunch tomorrow?” He sounds unsure. “Because I’ve noticed he hasn’t been eating well.”

Melissa scoffs a little at her son’s naivety. Just like Stiles, she had also noticed her son’s eating habits had worsened. But she also knew not to force anything upon Scott. She trusted he would be fine; simple as that – maybe Scott got his naivety from her.

Scott’s still frowning at her, so quickly she replies, “Do you know his favourite meal?”

Scott blushes lightly. “I don’t.”

“Then why don’t you give him this?”

Scott’s frown deepens. “What? Our leftovers?”

Melissa laughs, slumping down into her seat. “He doesn’t need to know that.”

“Mom…”

“Are you saying you don’t like my cooking?”

Scott knows better than to confirm that assumption.

So the next day, there’s a tupperware box in his backpack. It’s huge, bulging awkwardly from the confines of Scott’s bag, but he decides it’s worth it. Lydia’s the first one to notice. He runs into her on his way to first period.

“Did you bring your books for the entire year or something?” she asks, letting her head fall back to look. “You do know we’re not freshmen anymore, right?”

Scott snorts. “No, it’s my lunch.”

Lydia frowns at him. “I thought you always had peanut butter sandwiches.”

“I do,” Scott replies, a little surprised she knows that.

“What happened? Did your mom forget to buy bread?” she giggles.

Scott pulls on the hem of his shirt. “No… I just have a different lunch today.”

Lydia’s eyes narrow in suspicion. Scott notices, but swiftly avoids her penetrating stare.

“Scott, did you know we’re creatures of habits?” she offers slyly.

“Are we?”

“Hmhm. Apparently it’s very hard for us to break through them. You could almost say our habits are like addictions. It can take us a lot of time and effort to stop doing them.”

“Really? That sounds interest-”

“What’s in the bag, Scott?”

Scott flushes and quickly thinks of a distraction, “How was your date?”

For a moment, Lydia blinks at him, but then she throws up her arms, tilting her hands at the wrist like she has just been blessed. “Oh my God,” she replies. “It was great. He’s such a gentleman. And you’d think he only looks good in his police uniform, but it turns out he has great taste.” There’s a swooning undertone in her voice. She moans. “I can’t wait to have him on my arm.”

Scott snickers, glad that she has stopped her interrogation. He shakes his head, thinking he could never talk the way about someone like she does. If Scott hadn’t known Lydia, he’d think she’d be one of those stuck up girls who only thinks of boyfriends as nice accessories.

Yet, Scott himself can’t help but imagine what it would be like to have Liam on his arm. Well, maybe not on his arm, but just holding hands. Not pinky holding like they had done in Liam’s garden either, but actually holding hands. On the beach, maybe, or during a long walk in the woods. He had done that once with Allison. Scott had loved that. The woods are so quiet at night; a little scary, but one of those scaries that brings out a sort of intimacy. It hints to opportunities for something more; that one might get scared and the other might have to comfort them, like in the movies; it’s unoriginal and clichéd, but still nice. Maybe they would hear something rustling in the bushes and Liam would jump. Or maybe Scott would pretend to jump if Liam wouldn’t. Their grip would tighten a little, reassuringly, and then their intertwined fingers would loosen and they would trail their arms around each other’s backs. Maybe they’d stop at the cliff right after, the one that overlooks the city. And maybe the moon would be full, casting that silver glimmer across Liam’s face that Scott thinks mixes so perfectly well with that particular shade of pink on his cheeks. And maybe Scott would notice how soft his lips look in that same serene moonlight. And maybe Scott would be staring into those ocean coloured eyes; drowning in them. And maybe their faces would suddenly draw closer and then maybe…

“Scott? Scott, are you even listening?!”

“Huh, what?” the guy replies, blinking rapidly. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Lydia shakes her head. They’ve stopped walking and are now at her locker. Her arms have crossed in front of her chest and she’s tapping her fingers onto her arms. “I was asking you why Jordan hasn’t called me yet.”

“Oh,” Scott replies, before thinking. “Well, has he admitted that he likes you? Because, as you said, that’s usually it for guys after that point.”

Lydia rolls her eyes. “If I wanted a witty answer like that, I would’ve asked Stiles,” she fires back. A sigh slips past her full lips as she opens her locker. “Maybe I should’ve kissed him.”

“Didn’t you?” Scott wants to know.

Lydia gives him a look. “Of course I didn’t,” she answers. “You have to give them something to long for. Always save the best for last.” She pokes her index finger into his chest.

Scott nods, mentally making notes, because there’s a possibility he will actually need those tips in the near future. That is, if everything goes according to plan. Not that Scott really had a plan. No, Scott had proved multiple times to be awful with plans. Therefore, right now, the ‘plan’ was to run into Liam at school and offer him the food. And to ask him out on a date. See? Great plan.

Lydia moves in front of his eyes, snapping her fingers. “Really? Again?” she asks, a disbelieving tone in her voice. “You’re being very distant today, Scott McCall. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were up to something.”

Scott shrugs, quickly twisting his body away from her so she won’t be able to completely catch the busted look on his face.

“Are you up to something?” she asks.

Scott blushes furiously, and for a moment he debates lying to her, but then reminds himself he’s a terrible liar. He also doesn’t really want to tell her, though, because if something goes wrong today he will have to suffer through her asking about it later. Then again, maybe Scott should accept that fate, because if Lydia keeps staring at him like that he will most certainly cave and…

The bells rings through the corridors and Scott exhales a relieved sigh. Literally saved by the bell, he quickly exclaims, “Gotta go. I’ve got chemistry.” Hastily, he takes off.

“Text me!” Lydia calls after him.      

But Scott decides he’s going to pretend like he hasn’t heard her.

Five minutes later class has started and Scott moves from one awkward and nerve-wrecking situation into another; his teacher is handing out their tests from last week.

Scott’s knees won’t stop bouncing up and down and he’s pretty sure he’s causing the entire floor to tremble with his nerves. A couple of his classmates look up, giggling at his nerves. Scott smiles back anxiously, bowing his head a bit more.

His heart skips a beat when a sheet of paper is shoved across the table. Scott carefully looks up and notices his teacher hasn’t moved away from him yet. Scott’s dark eyes scroll over his handwriting until he sees his mark in a terrifying shade of red that always makes his stomach drop.

B-.

Scott exhales such a deep breath that he has to catch the paper to stop it blowing away. He quickly looks up at his teacher.

“Well done, Scott. It’s nice to see you’re putting in more effort.”

Scott nods. “Thank you,” he mutters shyly, heart still pounding in his throat.

Though he isn’t sure if that’s from his excitement or from his nerves. One scenario down, and one to go…

Later that day, Scott runs into Liam. He literally runs into him, the two of them crossing the same corner in one of the school’s hallways. Liam bounces back a bit further than Scott after his head bounces off Scott’s chest. They both blink at each other in surprise, but then laugh.

“Hey, I was just looking for you,” Scott says, closing the distance between them again, this time with a little less force. “Unless you’re heading somewhere important?”

“I’m not,” Liam answers, shaking his head. He curiously looks Scott up and down. “What’s up?”

Scott’s backpack slides off his arms. “I brought you something,” he explains, “you know, as a thank you for the card.”

“Ah, you really didn’t have to,” Liam replies, but is seemingly intrigued; standing onto his tiptoes to sneak a peek into the bag. Scott doesn’t comment on it, but just grins instead.

Where Liam had a hard time finding Scott’s gift in his bag yesterday, Scott is quicker. He holds up the gigantic tupperware box.

Liam squints, scooting a little closer. His scent infiltrates Scott’s nose and the teenager wonders how he had never noticed how nice Liam smells before. A bit sweet and salty. Like those honey mustard dressings they put on salads. Or the sour sweets that are covered in sugar; the ones that always make his jaw hurt, but also have a syrupy flavour.

“What’s that?” Liam asks, a deep frown on his face. “It looks like…worms.”

Scott chuckles. “It’s lunch. I brought it for you. My favourite: spaghetti and meatballs.”

“Oh. Oh, that’s food?!” Liam exclaims, taking a step back. He folds his hands over his mouth guiltily. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t really mean that about the worms…”

Scott laughs. “It’s alright.” He looks through the transparent plastic himself. “It doesn’t look too appealing, does it?”

“Did you make it?” Liam asks.

Scott’s ears warm. “I did,” he blinks rapidly, offering Liam the box. The boy takes it.

“Thank you,” he replies, looking at the box again. “But I have to ask, why lunch?”

Scott shrugs a little. “I just thought you looked a little pale and could use a nice meal. And I read somewhere that people…you know, like you…sometimes forget to eat,” he answers a bit cautiously, hoping he won’t offend Liam.

But, a little to Scott’s surprise, the boy smirks and nods slowly. Gesturing at Scott, he asks, “Wanna share it?”

Scott’s face lights up. “Sure!” he replies, because that also means he can buy a little more time before he has to continue with his plan and ask the dreaded question.

Liam nudges his head towards the school’s cafeteria and Scott follows, walking beside him.

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you,” Scott then remembers aloud.

Liam looks at him expectantly.

“I received my grade for my test from last week, remember? The one we studied for?”

“Of course I remember. What did you get?!”

The anxious tone in his voice warms Scott’s chest.

“B minus,” he answers.

“Wow!” Liam utters, eyes bulging, smile bright. “That’s great! Well done!”

“Thanks,” Scott chuckles, puffing out his chest a little. “It felt good to have all that hard work pay off.”

“I bet it did.”

“How’s your History going?” Scott then wonders.

“Well, I failed the test that was due three weeks ago. You know, the one I was studying for during lunch that time. And I haven’t had once since. I think the next one is going to be in a week or two or something? I don’t know, can’t remember right now,” Liam explains. “But, wow, a B minus. I’m so proud of you.”

Scott’s gaze lowers towards the floor shyly. “Now let’s hope I can keep it up, even without Lydia’s help.”

Liam turns his head forward again, nudging Scott’s shoulder with his own. “I bet you can.”

Liam’s encouraging words linger in Scott’s ears. It feels strange having him believe in him, but it’s a nice strange. Scott truly thinks he can do anything as long as Liam has faith in him. The only thing he wonders about now is if Scott makes Liam feel the same way, because that’s kind of important if they want to take this friend…relationship…to the next level. He dares another look sideways. Liam immediately glances back at him from the corner of his eyes, but when Scott’s vision strikes his, he quickly looks away again. Scott smiles.

And somehow he thinks he doesn’t have to worry about that.

It’s busy in the school’s lunchroom. Scott and Liam just about manage to steal a free table, sitting down next to each other. Liam opens the container before giving Scott a hard look.

“How are we gonna eat this?”

“Oh, right!” Scott remembers, rustling through his backpack to find a fork. “I only have one, though.”

Liam shrugs. “I don’t mind sharing,” he assures, “unless you have some weird disease I have to know about.”

Scott shows a crestfallen look and Liam laughs, poking the fork into the food. He puts it in his mouth and right then Scott’s face turns more serious.

“Although, I do have one thing…”

Liam’s face falls. “What?” he asks with his mouth full, now reluctant to chew.

Scott takes the fork from him, smirking. “Nothing. I’m just messing with you.”

Liam’s head falls forward and he sighs through his nose; careful not to spill any food. “You’re the worst.”

Scott grins, taking a bite himself. He chews a couple of times, but when the vegetables mash between his teeth, he frowns. This isn’t even half as tasty as when it’s hot. Oh my God, how could he not have thought of that? It’s pasta. It’s disgusting when it’s cold. He eyes Liam carefully, embarrassment visible on his cheeks.

At first, Liam doesn’t seem to mind the taste as much. That is, until he swallows. He catches Scott glaring at him and quickly smiles. “It’s good,” he says.

Scott’s stomach warms. His jaw starts to hurt from trying not to burst out into laughter, but in the end he gives in to it. “You liar! No, it isn’t!”

“Oh, thank God,” Liam says with clear relief, slumping back in his chair. “I’m sorry, but this is disgusting.” He moves his hand over his mouth, covering up his chuckle.

“Don’t be! It’s horrible,” Scott replies, throwing the fork down. “I knew I shouldn’t have listened to my mom.”

“Your mom?”

Scott’s eyes widen. His neck flushes a deep crimson as he hides his face in his hands. “Ah, man,” he mutters.

Liam tilts his head. The ends of his spiked up hair move along with the prompt motion.

“I told my mom about your card and that I wanted to do something nice,” Scott blurts out truthfully, “so she said I should give you this lunch, but I didn’t make it. She did! Last night! I’m so sorry.”

A rumble of laughter boils up from Liam’s stomach. “I knew there was something to it!” he exclaims. “You always blink a lot when you lie.”

“I know! I know, I’m a horrible liar,” Scott admits, “I know I shouldn’t lie. I felt like doing something nice. And it sounded even nicer when I said I had made it myself.”

Liam shakes his head, index finger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s okay,” he says.

“No… No, it’s not okay,” Scott replies. “I’m an idiot.” He inhales a deep breath, finally moving his hands from his face. “It’s just…your card…it was so sweet, so I wanted to return the gesture.”

Liam has pursed his lips inwards, nodding along, still full of amusement. Scott meets his gaze.

“Okay. Okay, tell you what,” he prompts, pulling himself together. “How about I take you swimming? This weekend.”

“Swimming?”

Scott now realizes how lame that actually sounds. “Yeah…” he answers nervously. “And then out for dinner! And afterwards we can go to the movies! And…and I can even, like, rent a hotel room, or something. We can make a whole weekend out of it. And of course I’ll be paying for everything.”

Liam chuckles. “Swimming sounds nice, actually.”

“Really?” Scott sounds surprised. “It does?”

“Yeah, I love to swim,” Liam assures him.

“Alright. Okay, great! Great, that’s good,” Scott rambles with burning cheeks. “Then it’s a… it’s a, err…”

Liam smiles gently. “It’s a date.”

Scott exhales a relieved sigh.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)

“Dude, I’m telling you, it was the weirdest thing ever,” Stiles rambles. “Dinner was great; food was nice, service was perfect, I tripped over a table, she laughed. It was awesome.”

“Then how was it weird?” Scott asks.

They’re in Stiles’ bedroom, playing videogames, since they hadn’t really had a chance to talk about Stiles’ date with Malia.

“Well, I took her home, you know, to my place…”

Scott’s eyebrows rise as he throws him a look.

“Jesus, no. Not like that. God, Scott, who do you think- it was still early, okay? She’s a really fast eater; you know, she rushes through it like a hungry coyote or something.”

Scott snickers.

Before he continues, Stiles pauses the game they’re playing. “Anyway, as I said, I took her home, and I figured, why not watch a movie, right? Exactly. That’s a perfect way to end a night, thank you. Right, so we settled on the couch downstairs and all of a sudden, she wraps her arm around me and pulls me against her chest.”

Scott’s face turns to awe. “You cuddled?”

“Yes, we cuddled, but that’s not the point,” Stiles answers with a roll of his eyes. “The point is that she cuddled me. And, like, isn’t the guy supposed to cuddle the girl? I’m pretty sure that’s a rule. I mean, come on, it is…right? It’s just weird the other way around.”

Scott looks a bit hesitant. “I don’t know, man, that kinda went out of fashion years ago…”

Stiles’ face falls. “Yeah, well, then I think someone forgot to pass me the message,” he replies bitterly, unpausing the game.

Scott hits the ‘Start’ button again, demanding Stiles’ attention.

“Was it nice? Did you like it?” he asks.

Stiles grumbles, looking away a couple of times before he reluctantly admits, “Scott, I’m a teenager. Hormones are partying in my veins like it’s the freaking 4th of July. Of course I liked it.”

“Well, then why are you being so weird about it?”

“Because I felt weird about it, okay?! Can’t I just feel weird about it? Has that become some sort of crime? Should I have my dad arrest me?”

“Okay, well, I’m not talking to you when you’re like this,” Scott replies, shaking his head. Still, he chuckles lightly and turns back to the game. They get soaked up by the graphics for a while, but Scott breaks the silence when his character dies for the fifth time in a row.

“At least it’s not as weird as inviting someone to go swimming with you on the first date,” he mumbles.

Stiles snorts. “Who did that? Oh my God, no…did you do that? Oh, Scott, why? Why?”

“I brought Liam lunch this afternoon,” Scott interrupts his friend. “You know, because he gave me a card yesterday. I wanted to do something nice, so my mom said I should just take the spaghetti and meatballs we had last night.”

Stiles’ grin widens. “Dude, what?”

Scott gives him a look. “I know.” His cheeks fill with air. “Anyway, I didn’t really think about the fact that is was going to be disgusting, because the whole reason I gave it to him was just an excuse to ask him out on an official date. But then the food tasted horrible and I felt super ashamed, so to make up for it, I asked him to go swimming.”

“Yeah, but seriously, why swimming?”

Scott throws up his hands hopelessly, falling backwards onto the floor. “I don’t know, okay? I looked into his eyes and it was the first thing that came to my mind.”

Stiles chuckles. “Man, the last time I went swimming in that pool, it wasn’t a particularly nice experience.”

Scott rolls onto his stomach. “I know,” he groans. “Luckily we’re not going to the school’s.”

“Then where are you taking him?”

“To the leisure centre downtown,” Scott answers.

Stiles laughs, crawling towards Scott. “Does that mean you’re gonna have to take him there on your motorbike? Wow, well done. Maybe he’ll hold onto your waist as you drive,” Stiles teases.

Scott’s face heats up, because that had already happened. Twice.

“No, but seriously,” his best friend continues, patting Scott’s back, “I’m sure it’ll be fine. You guys click. You’re gonna have fun, trust me.”

Scott twists his head. “You think so?”

Stiles nods reassuringly. “Sure! You even had fun at the mall last week. You’ll be fine.”

“If you say so…”

It’s Saturday, almost noon, and Scott has just arrived at Liam’s house. It’s a cold and cloudy day; ideal for swimming, Scott finds. There’s nothing better than to walk into the fresh air after spending a couple of hours in a hot and humid pool.

He takes off his helmet and steps off his bike when Liam exits the front door. Scott’s heart skips a beat, and noticing that causes a bright blush to colour his cheeks. Liam jogs up to him with an eager grin. There’s a duffle bag hanging over his shoulders and the jacket he’s wearing hasn’t been zipped up. Scott’s about to point out that he’ll probably get cold when he notices something else.

“Hey, you’re wearing your new shirt,” he says, beaming down at Liam.

The boy looks down at himself shyly. He pulls a bit on the hem, expanding the green fabric for a moment. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I kinda like it; looks good on me.”

Scott nods quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, it does. Like I told you.”

Liam smiles, humming softly. He then seems to register the cold and zips up his jacket, which is good, because Scott has completely forgotten that’s what he had intended to advise. He hands Liam the extra helmet and waits for him to hop on.

“You ready?”

And after Liam nods, Scott takes off, following the signs that lead them downtown. A nervous excitement is racing through Scott’s bloodstream; tingles of anticipation, like freshly cut grass tickling the bottom of his bare feet. As hoped – and a little bit as expected – Liam’s hands are on Scott’s hips the whole ride there. To Scott, it’s a constant confirmation of reality. Every time Liam squeezes him a little tighter is a continuous reminder that this is all actually happening. He’s going on a date with Liam. And Liam’s wearing the shirt Scot had said he liked, which shows he had tried to look nice for him.

Scott has never had this feeling before; he didn’t have it with Allison. Not because they didn’t like each other, but because they had never voiced it towards one another. They had simply started dating – double dating, actually, thanks to Lydia – and one thing had just led to another. One day they kissed and the next they were together. They never had to tell each other; they just showed it.

It’s so much different with Scott and Liam now. They already know they like each other, and it makes it all the more exciting. Scott feels exactly like he’s supposed to during a first date, but for once without all the insecurities. Generally, people always ask themselves the standard questions: ‘Is he going to ask me out again?’ and ‘Are we going to kiss?’ and mostly those questions are finalized by ‘Do they like me too?’

But since Scott doesn’t have to ask himself that question anymore, the only thing he has to worry about now is if they’re going to kiss, because that would be so awesome. Then again, Lydia did say you sometimes shouldn’t give it all away, so maybe Scott should hold out for a while longer.

“Have you been to this pool before?” Scott asks when they’ve arrived and taken off their helmets.

“Nope,” Liam answers, “Have you?”

Scott nods. “Only once, right before Stiles had an incident at the swimming pool at school. After that, we never went swimming ever again.”

“What kind of incident?”

The lines on Scott’s face become more visible as he thinks. “I’m not sure if I’m supposed to tell you,” he admits with a quasi-surprised look. “Stiles is quite private about it.”

Liam shrugs lightly. “Alright then. You don’t have to tell me.”

Scott nods gratefully. They walk towards the entrance, but then Scott can’t help feeling a little uneasy about keeping something from Liam, especially since Liam has always been so honest with him. And about much more sensitive things. Yet, Scott realizes it’s not his secret to share.

“Let’s just say Stiles had to save someone from drowning,” he finally spills.

Liam’s eyes widen when he hears that, the boy looking very impressed, but he doesn’t ask any more questions. Scott appreciates that.

They order their tickets at the counter, but when Scott takes out his wallet to pay, Liam has already started handing over the money. Scott frowns at him, a little offended, because hey, this was his date after all. But Liam smartly reminds him that he had already paid for his hot cocoa, three weeks ago. Scott’s eyebrows rise, but then he nods in appreciation. Apparently he shouldn’t take Liam’s memory for granted.

“Besides, it helps with the guilt,” Liam adds when they walk towards the changing rooms.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, the guilt I sometimes feel towards you,” Liam reminds Scott. “Yeah, I still have it. No, not as bad as I used to. It’s fine. It kinda went away a little when I gave you the Valentine’s Day card.”

“That makes sense,” Scott says. “You feel less guilty when you’re able to do something nice for me.” Liam nods affirmatively. “But that doesn’t mean you have to pay for everything,” Scott still adds, elbowing him playfully.

Liam chuckles, swiftly turning on his heel as he opens one of the private cubicles. “Alright. Then I’ll let you treat me to an ice cream later. Deal?” The tip of his tongue is sticking partly out of his mouth.

Scott laughs, shaking his head, because before he can close that deal, Liam has already locked the door.

Scott takes the stall next to him. His jaw hurts a little from smiling so much, but no matter what he does, he can’t stop it. Liam has changed over the past few weeks. He has grown more confident, it seems, and with his confidence comes a sort of playfulness that Scott really enjoys. It’s childish; it makes him feel liberated and optimistic.

After changing into their swimwear, the boys walk to the showers, towels in hand. Scott can’t help but sneak a few peeks at Liam, which is odd, because they’ve seen each other before, in the locker rooms at school. Yet, something inside of Scott tells him it’s different now. Probably the first-date-tingles.

They enter the tropic heat and the smell of chlorine fills their noses. Scott moves to the side where the white pool lounges are. He picks two free ones that are next to each other and throws his towel on one of them. Liam does the same with the other.

There are three pools. One of them is shallow enough for you to stand in, and houses a lot of cool features like waterfalls. The bottom of the waterslide is there as well and usually it leads to a small outside area, but that’s closed because of the cold. On the other side of the room is a deep pool, where, during the weekdays, people swim for sport. The third pool is just for babies. Since the first one is warmer, the boys decide to go there. Scott watches Liam dipping his head under, splashing Scott in the face when he comes up and shakes the water from his hair. Scott grins, wiping his eyes. After opening them again, he sees that the familiar spikes of Liam’s hair have lost their usual rigidity. Scott thinks he prefers this look anyway.

It only takes them seconds to start splashing water into each other’s eyes. Scott has the perfect technique to make huge splashes, which annoys Liam greatly. It comes to the point where he can’t take it any longer and with a brutal roar he jumps onto Scott. The latter boy laughs as Liam tries to push him under, but since Scott’s taller he can easily take the weight, especially in the water, which means Liam only ends up as Scott’s jetpack.

After a while they get tired, so they decide to float around a bit, moving casually closer to the water slide. Scott is moving himself forward with his hands touching the floor and Liam jokes that he looks like a dog. Scott barks and starts peddling even more fiercely and he has no idea why he does that, but it makes Liam laugh so it’s fine.

They have to wait a couple of minutes on the spiral staircase before they can get onto the waterslide. When they’re finally at the top, Scott turns around.

“Wanna go first?” he asks. His eyes have darkened a little, so Liam gives him a suspicious look.

“Sure…” he answers, hesitating before he steps in front of Scott.

Scott grins widely as Liam holds his stare. He pauses for a second, hands on the bar above where the water is jetting down. Then, he takes off, basically throwing himself down.

When Liam has just turned the corner, Scott rushes after him. He flails onto his stomach, arms spread out in front of him. An evil laugh erupts from his throat and a bit further down he can hear Liam, in a terrifying tone, saying “Oh my God. You asshole!”

Scott enters a straight bit and he can see Liam in front of him. The boy looks behind himself, his face filled with tension as he shouts, “Scott, I swear to-”

But Scott has already killed the distance between them and he pokes his fingers into Liam’s sides. The boy spasms, sitting up and trying to turn himself around to throw Scott off, but the taller one is quicker and has already lifted himself up onto his knees. He tickles Liam mercilessly.

“Scott!” Liam exclaims in between laughing fits. “Scott, get off!”

They turn another corner and they thrash along with the rushing water, almost making a 180. They near the end and Liam’s expression grows even more horrified, scared Scott’s going to land on top of him.

“Scott!”

They exit the slide and Liam can hear the rushing sound of water clashing with water. He feels the slide disappear from under him and awaits the impact of Scott’s body onto his.

But, somehow, Scott manages to flip himself under Liam right before that moment. He lands a fraction earlier and when they’re underwater, Scott has wrapped his arms around Liam’s waist. His chest is pressed against Liam’s back and, because it’s only for half a second, Scott tries to snap a memory of the feeling of Liam’s small frame against his. Skin pressed against skin; smoothened and softened by water. He tightens his grip a little and Liam rests his head in the crook of his neck. The moment passes way too quickly, though.

Liam is the first to gasp for air when they resurface. Scott grins at him and the younger boy chuckles, splashing water at Scott. “Jerk,” he comments, quickly hiding his face under the tide in a defensive matter, only his eyes and hair poking out.

But Scott doesn’t need to see Liam’s cheeks to know he doesn’t mean it. He can tell from just the shy glimmer in his eyes what he really thought about that little interaction.

“Come on,” Scott prompts. “I’ll make it up you by buying you ice cream.”

Liam chuckles, shaking his head. “I thought that was payback for the tickets.”

A couple of minutes later they’re relaxing on their lounges, enjoying their ice creams. Scott in particular is engaging himself in a moment of pure bliss, a result of the combination of the humidity of the room, the coldness of the ice cream and the leftover water droplets trickling down his stomach.

That moment shatters when Liam gives Scott’s hand a gentle push, right as he is about to lick the ice cream. His nose dips into the vanilla sweetness and he throws Liam a disbelieving look.

“Payback,” is all Liam says, along with a smirk.

Scott rolls his eyes theatrically, but decides he’s not going to be defeated.

“Lick it off,” he demands.

Liam’s eyes widen. “What?”

Scott’s face remains serious for a couple of seconds longer, but then he can’t withhold the brimming laughter in his throat anymore.

“Since when have you been such a joker?” Liam teases.

Scott chuckles. “Alright, I’m sorry. I’ll stop,” he swiftly avoids the question. Like he’s going to tell Liam he’s only acting like this because he’s nervous as hell. And because he’s having fun. And, yeah, maybe he does gets a bit more provocative and playful when he’s on a date.

Liam smiles and lays back down. Scott watches him from the corners of his eyes, thinking how lucky he actually is. Liam is handsome as hell, especially with the glistening drops of water on his body. God, he really has an urge to touch him.

“Are you having fun?” he asks after a while.

Liam nods. “Yeah, this is great. I told you, I like swimming.”

“Me too,” Scott admits.

“Not so lame after all, is it?”

Scott snorts, cheeks burning lightly. “Not at all.”

Liam finishes his ice cream and sits up a little, looking around the room until his eyes fall onto Scott’s hip.

“Hey, what’s that?” He points at the bruise. “Is that from the slide?”

Scott looks down at what Liam’s referring to. “Oh, that. No, it’s not from the slide,” he answers. “I walked into a dresser at home.”

Liam hisses.

“Yeah. I got a bit worked up from the talk with my dad.”

Liam swallows, voice lowering a little as he asks, “You mean when he explained to you why he left?”

Scott nods. “Yup.” He goes back to looking up at the ceiling, frustrated at the memory. He had tried to forget about it.

“How are things with your dad now?”

Scott sighs. He debates for a second if he wants to talk about it, but after catching Liam’s look and seeing the worry in his eyes, he turns onto his side towards him. “He left. Again,” he answers simply. He wants to elaborate, but doesn’t really know what else to say. He suddenly realizes how much harder it is to talk about deep stuff in broad daylight, instead of when surrounded by the dark and the stillness of the night. He licks his lips, touching Liam’s pinky finger with his own. Liam smiles gently.

“I know,” he says.

It makes Scott smile and it proves to be the little push he needs. Liam understands a lot of things and, in all fairness, Scott enjoys talking to him. He refuses to let himself be scared off by a little boundary.

“To be honest, I’m glad he left,” he tells him. “I know it sounds harsh, but I am. I want to forget about him coming back in the first place. I mean, good for him that he explained it to me, but it doesn’t change anything. He can never take back how he made me feel, so…”

“It’s whatever,” Liam finishes his sentence.

“Yeah.” Scott shrugs a little.

Liam nods understandingly. “I’m quite surprised you got so worked up, though.”

Scott snorts. “You should’ve seen me. I was really angry. And we both know that hardly ever happens.”

Liam hums affirmatively.

“I don’t like it either,” Scott continues. “It doesn’t feel like…me.”

“It doesn’t sound like you.”

Scott scrunches his nose. “I know, right? It’s odd. It only happened, like, last week, but looking back at it now I can hardly believe that was me.”

Liam’s face falls and his lips curl into a small smile. Scott frowns at him.

“Are you okay?”

Liam nods. “Yeah. I just hope I will feel the same someday. I hope I’m going to have a point in my life where I look back at all this…” He glances at his left arm. “…And can say that isn’t like me anymore.”

Scott can feel his heart breaking a little, but…Liam has never said something like that before. He would always just assume that it never gets better. Every time, it had sounded like he had accepted that fact, like he didn’t have any hope.

And now he does. He has hope.

So Scott grins widely and gives him a reassuring look. “It will.”

Liam’s face lights up ever so slightly, and Scott decides it’s time to distract him. “Wanna go into the deep pool?”

They dip in and do a little workout, swimming back and forth in straight lines. Automatically, it turns into a competition, but Scott is the first one to get tired and fed up with it.

“So what do you like so much about swimming?” he asks, holding on to the edge of the pool.

“What don’t you like about swimming?” Liam shoots back, panting a little.

Scott shrugs. “I don’t mind it, but I can live without it.”

Liam nods. He throws his legs over the edge, floating on his back. His ears are underwater as he stares up the ceiling. Then he moves and scoots a little closer to Scott.

“I like the feeling of the water. The flow,” he answers. “And…” He swallows, pursing his lips.

Scott gives him an expectant look. “And…?”

Liam hesitates, opening his mouth once or twice, but ending up closing it again. Scott raises his eyebrows at him. “What?”

Liam lets out a sigh, blowing bubbles in the water. But then his face suddenly lights up, like he’s having an epiphany. His hand disappears underwater and a second later Scott can feel his pinky finger touching his. It’s a small and simple gesture, but shivers creep down Scott’s spine. Liam holds his finger and continues.

“And I like the silence when you dip your head under. Every sound is muffled and everything is weightless,” he says in a low voice. “I love that feeling. It’s like…it’s like there’s nothing holding me down anymore.”

Scott nods, smiling gently. He doesn’t reply and he can see Liam growing more and more self-conscious by the second, until Scott’s smile broadens. After taking a deep breath, he disappears and quickly gives Liam’s hand a yank. Scott’s ears fill with water and he listens to the dim sounds of splashing and people talking. He blows out some air through his nose, causing his body to sink deeper.

After an unsure attempt, he opens his eyes. They immediately start stinging from the chlorine, but that eventually subsides. He watches Liam, who’s a little above him. He still has his eyes screwed shut and Scott closes in, so close that he can make out Liam’s jawline and the little bubbles on his skin. Their pinky fingers are still entangled and in a rush of boldness, Scott takes his other hand and brushes it across Liam’s cheek. The boy starts and opens his eyes in a reflex, but then smiles. They catch each other’s gazes and Liam shies away, quickly resurfacing.

“I think I get what you mean,” Scott admits when he has come up as well.

Liam blushes.

They decide to leave a little after four o’clock, considering they still have to change and drive back home, and since Liam can’t be late for dinner. Besides, their skin has started to wrinkle, so it’s time. Their walk back to the showers is a quiet one, mainly because Scott’s feeling so at peace again, and he figures Liam is experiencing the same blissful sensation.

They both disappear into their own changing cubicles afterwards. Scott doesn’t need much time to dry himself and put on his clothes, so he’s the first one out. He waits for Liam at the end of the hallway, in front of one of the mirrors. There are a couple of women next to him blow drying their hair. The boyfriend or husband of one of them shows up from behind her and they press a quick kiss onto each other’s lips. Scott watches them, immediately projecting it onto his own situation. He’s so ready to kiss Liam, but he still can’t shake Lydia’s words from his mind. If he does decide to kiss Liam, it has to be perfect. Scott’s a romantic like that. It can’t be some quick, sloppy or embarrassing thing. It needs to be a moment they’ll both be remembering for a long, long time. Or so Scott hopes.

He checks the time on his phone twenty minutes later, frowning at the still-locked cubicle Liam’s in. Scott thinks that he’s taking his sweet time, and simultaneously wonders why. Liam isn’t one of those people that care too much about their looks. At least that’s what he has picked up from post lacrosse practices.

Naturally, Scott starts to worry and he walks back into the hallway. At Liam’s door he waits, listening carefully. There doesn’t seem to be much noise coming from the other side, so he knocks.

“Liam?”

“Liam? Are you still in there?” Scott calls questioningly. He shoots a friendly smile to the stranger a couple of feet away from him, who’s looking at him weirdly.

Scott knocks again. “Liam?” His foot starts tapping the floor. “Hey, are you almost done? It’s getting quite late…”

A reply still doesn’t come and Scott sighs, starting to get worried. That worry grows when he embarrasses himself by crouching down and sneaking a peek under the cubicle, recognizing Liam’s shoes and his bare feet.

“Liam. Hey! Open up,” he says, his heart starting to beat in his throat.

Suddenly he can hear a soft click and the symbol changes from red to white. Scott pushes the door open and crawls inside in a fluid motion.

Liam’s sitting upright on the bench, still dressed in his trunks. Scott closes the door behind him and notices Liam’s hands are clutching at his knees. He’s shaking, biting onto his bottom lip, the skin there changing from pink to white. With big eyes, he looks up at Scott.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out.

Scott drops his backpack onto the floor, beyond caring that it might get wet, and quickly sits down next to his friend. “What’s wrong?” he asks. He places a hand on Liam’s back, feeling his spine rise and fall from his heavy breathing.

“I’m sorry, I…” Liam swallows, closing his eyes for a second. If Scott didn’t know any better, he would think the boy is in pain. “…I feel a bit weird about today.”

Scott’s face falls. He starts rubbing Liam’s back gently. “Why?”

Liam sniffs, wiping his nose. He looks up at the ceiling a couple of times, Scott waiting quietly and patiently. “I guess I just don’t understand why…” He swallows again. “Why you wanted to take me out…on a date…” He inhales a sharp breath. “And I know that sounds stupid, because you have never said that this is an official date. I mean, I was the one who assumed it was and now I feel like an idiot, because what if it’s not?” He finally looks at Scott. “Scott, I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mean…I mean…I get if you don’t...” A tear spills from his eyes and Liam quickly wipes it off with his arm. “Ah, man,” he says in a defeated tone.

Scott gently wraps his arms around him, closing the little distance between them. Their legs are touching and Scott pushes Liam’s head into the crook of his neck, near his collarbone. He slides the hand that was on Liam’s back up through his hair in a comforting manner.

Liam holds on to Scott’s upper arm as he cries softly, hiding his face in the softness of Scott’s hoodie. He groans a little before he asks in a shaky breath, “Why? Why does this happen every time?”

Scott can’t answer that question, so instead he just starts rocking Liam from side to side a little.

“I’m sorry. We were having such a good time…and now I’m ruining it.”

“You’re not ruining it,” Scott assures him in a brief whisper. “It’s okay. You know it’s okay.”

Liam nods slowly, resting his head against Scott chest.

Scott hugs him like that until Liam has calmed down. When he can hear his breathing has gone back to normal, he asks, “Did you want to…?”

“I tried to distract myself,” Liam instantly defends himself. “I did. Really. I just…I couldn’t find anything…”

“Why didn’t you come up to me and talk about it?” Scott offers, making sure he’s not sounding obvious, but sincere.

Liam averts his gaze to the floor. “I wanted to, but I kept thinking I would be bothering you.”

Scott squeezes his neck. “You don’t have to do this on your own, you know,” he reminds him. “I’m here for you.”

Liam takes a deep breath, seemingly collecting himself. “I know,” he says. But then repeats it in a more convincing tone. “I know.”

Scott smiles and ruffles his hair. “Come on, get dressed. It’s late,” he says. “I’ll stay right out the door. If it happens again, just unlock it and I’ll come in. That way you don’t have to say anything.”

Liam gapes at him in disbelief, but only for a mere second. “Thanks, Scott.”

“It’s okay.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

It’s an hour later, and they are stood in front of Liam’s house. At the pool, Scott had waited for Liam right outside the changing room door, making sure his friend was okay. Liam had muttered a soft ‘thank you’ when he had come out and Scott had smiled, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. There had been a certain tenderness to the moment that had spiked up Scott’s heartbeat, which had gotten even worse when Liam had held on to his waist again during the ride home.

Scott has put his bike on its stand, and he’s standing opposite Liam in silence. The younger one is hopping back and forth, from his toes to his heels, and looking at Scott expectantly. He has already returned the helmet, so it is probably time for him to go inside.

But Liam going inside would mean the end of their date. And Scott figures, given the fact that Liam’s not making any attempt in moving, neither of them wants it to end. Scott wants this day to last forever, but knows it can’t. Then again, the next best thing would be to try and extend it.

“Are you okay?” he asks, knowing it’s not a particularly nice question, but finding himself unable to think of something else.

Liam nods, and for the first time ever grants a reassuring smile when he answers, “Yeah, I am.”

Scott rubs his nose, grinning at him. “Good,” he replies, mind busying itself with trying to think of other stuff to say.

“Yeah…” Liam mumbles, averting his eyes from Scott’s, allowing Scott to catch his breath; ironically enough, he feels like he has been underwater since the moment they had gotten off his bike.

He turns his head towards Liam’s house, seeing that the light in the kitchen is on. Only then he notices the dusk that has fallen around Beacon Hills, looking up when the street lights switch on.

“I should probably go,” he finally deflates. “Your dinner’s almost ready, I guess.”

Liam glances sideways. “Yeah, probably.”

“Alright then.”

Scott moves half an inch forward, but then seems to hesitate, wondering if it’s appropriate to hug Liam, which is weird, because he has never worried about that before. He can hear Lydia’s voice in his head: ‘Don’t give everything away on the first date’, and sighs, straightening his back. “I’ll see you on Monday,” he says, turning around towards his motorcycle.

“Scott?”

“Yeah?”

He watches Liam continuing to rock himself. Back and forth. Back and forth. His hand has grabbed his other arm and he’s rubbing it. Scott waits patiently for him to say something, sensing the tension in the air.

“See ya.”

Scott bites his bottom lip, hooking his thumbs behind the straps of his backpack and wiggling his shoulders a little. “Bye,” he replies, starting to mess with his helmet to get it on.

“Scott?”

Again, he turns around at hearing the mention of his name. “Yes?” Scott asks, now with a bit more hope in his voice.

Liam sticks out a hand tentatively. “I, err…” He scratches the back of his neck. “I just…” he stammers. “I…” He exhales a deep breath, releasing the tension from his muscles. “Thanks for today. I had a great time.”

Scott beams at him. “Me too,” he says. “So…thank you, too.”

Liam nods. “You’re welcome.”

And Scott is pretty sure this is the most ridiculous conversation he has ever had. He decides three times is a charm and tries to get on his bike again, but…

“Scott?”

The taller one closes his eyes briefly, sighing. “Ye-”

Liam has shuffled towards him in the meantime and is now right in front of Scott. It startles him, causing him to falter backwards a little. Liam quickly grabs his wrist and tugs him back onto his feet, moving onto his tiptoes himself.

Before Scott can register what’s happening, Liam’s lips have already grazed against and left his cheek. He can feel the tender ghost of the kiss lingering on his skin and in a mere second Scott decides Lydia can go to hell, so he takes Liam’s hand in his and pulls him back. Their noses touch before Scott’s lips are pressed against Liam’s. Electricity surges through Scott’s body, causing him to shiver, and there’s this wonderful tingling in his abdomen that clouds his mind with such an intense darkness that he can see stars. Naturally, he flashes back to the garden, then to the first time they talked, the water drop or little pearl of sweat that had fallen onto Liam’s bottom lip in the locker rooms, the feeling of carton on his fingertips as he held Liam’s Valentine’s Day card in his hands, the sound of Liam’s laughter in the café, the smell of honey and the taste of sweet and sour candy.

All of those sensations and memories come back to him in that one brief moment, that in reality only lasts half a second, but Scott knows. Scott knows he wants to do this again and again and again and a sudden blow of wind sweeps up his hair, goose bumps crawling across his skin and he realizes Allison is right there with him, cheering him on. It’s all he needs. It’s all Scott needs to safely let go of Liam’s hands, because he knows. He knows they will do this again, because there is nothing in the world that compares to this feeling and he can see Liam’s thinking the same. He can see it in his eyes, because the waves of uncertainty that have always rocked the ocean are now calm and gone. And that can only mean one thing. Only one thing and, God, Scott realizing it causes him to have to reach out to his bike, because he’s sure his knees are about to buckle.

Scott can control the weather.

So it’s safe to say he’s on cloud nine for the rest of the evening. Coming home, he even tells his mom what had happened, from start to kiss, from green shirt to finish. He even laughs when Melissa points out that her cooking really is that good, since it had kind of been the enabler of it all. Scott even gives her the credit. He doesn’t care, because he kissed Liam Dunbar. Cute, adorable, crazily handsome and beautiful Liam Dunbar.

Even the following morning, the euphoric moment still has its grip around Scott’s heart. Waking up, the memory hits him instantly. With sleep in his eyes and dreams in the back of his mind, he presses his face into the pillow, grinning like a moron. He almost suffocates himself, wrapping his arms around its softness, pretending its Liam’s small frame. Realizing he’s being deliciously lovey-dovey makes him chuckle out loud, finally allowing himself to breathe. After turning onto his back, and having slid a hand through his messy hair, he takes his phone from the nightstand. His finger flicks across the screen, unlocking it, his heart skipping a beat when he sees he has received a message from Liam.

“I didn’t do it!” it reads, and Scott clutches his phone to his chest.

He knows exactly what that message refers to. Liam hadn’t cut himself that night.

“I’m proud of you,” Scott types back, excitedly playing with his phone afterwards, turning it in his hands. Then he follows up with another text, asking what Liam’s doing today.

When his phone hasn’t given a sign of life for more than fifteen minutes, Scott decides it’s time to get up. Downstairs, there’s a note on the kitchen table informing him he will be home alone for the rest of the day. He crumples up the piece of paper, shooting it into the bin at the other side of the room. He scores and Scott swears to God his life cannot get any better. If Liam isn’t doing anything today, he’s going to ask him to come over. He has no idea what they will do, but Scott just wants to spend time with him. He’s already ready to have Liam by his side for the rest of forever, which makes Scott realize he’s definitely in love. Head over heels in love. The real reason that he knows is because, for the first time, it feels the same as it had done with Allison. Yes, he knows Allison and Liam aren’t the same person, but to Scott, love is love, and recognizing it as something familiar confirms his feelings for Liam are real and not some sort of fling.

He makes himself a peanut butter sandwich before he’s pulled out of his mind when his phone vibrates in the pocket of his sweatpants.

“Mason’s coming over. Apparently he has to tell me something big.”

Scott’s face falls a little. “Oh. Okay. What’s going on, d’you think?”

“Knowing Mason, it’s about a guy.”

Scott snorts and types, “Are you going to tell him about us?”

He is about to hit send, but then wonders; were they an item? Could Scott safely use the word ‘us’? Were they there yet? Again, with Allison it had just happened, but somehow with Liam he feels like it needs to be officially stated. Scott knows Liam needs that reassurance, the fact over suspicion. His mind doesn’t work well with theories, going overboard with them eventually.

So Scott deletes the message and wishes Liam good luck instead.

The sound of the doorbell ringing makes the teenager look up. He frowns, shuffling into the hallway. Through the door’s window he can see two shapes, instantly recognizing them.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

Stiles has a sneaky grin on his face and Lydia gives him an obvious look. “Duh,” she comments, already sidestepping past Scott. “We want to know how the date went.”

Scott shakes his head, closing the door behind his friends. “You two are crazy. We’re seeing each other tomorrow anyway. Couldn’t you just have waited?”

“Please, after everything you have told us you can’t expect us to wait that long,” Lydia explains, flailing onto the sofa in the living room. “Mama McCall out?”

“She is.”

“Come on, dude,” Stiles impatiently interrupts. “Tell us. Any uncomfortable moments during your swimming date? Any awkward boners?” He wiggles his eyes suggestively.

Scott’s eyes widen and Lydia throws him an offended look.

“Oh, come on, you cannot possibly believe they didn’t end up splashing and messing around with each other?” Stiles defends himself.

Knowing he won’t be able to hide his blush, Scott retreats to the kitchen to get his breakfast. When he comes back in, his friends are silently interrogating him with their eyes.

“You guys are the-”

“Tell us!”

So Scott complies, telling every detail about his date, finalizing with the kiss. Lydia has spread her hands in front of her chest, like she has done many times before, and Stiles is just nodding along with his eyes closed, moaning teasingly. Scott pretends he’s going to throw his empty plate at him, causing Stiles to lift his legs protectively, laughing.

“So you’re not disappointed I did kiss him on the first date?” Scott asks Lydia after he has finished his story.

The girl blinks at him for a second, confused, because she can’t remember having advised Scott. Then she recalls. “Oh, no, you’re fine. You guys have been seeing each other for a while.”

“Yeah, as friends, not as, like,” he swallows, “boyfriends.”

Stiles sits up a little. “Are you boyfriends now?”

Scott shrugs. “I’m not sure. I don’t think so, anyway.”

Stiles cocks his head a little. “Dude, if I kissed Malia, I would say we were together.”

“Yeah, but I’m not sure if it works that way with Liam and I,” Scott admits honestly.

“Why not?” Lydia wants to know.

“Because it’s Liam. I want to do it right.”

Stiles rolls his eyes, groaning. “Oh, man, come on! Then ask him already,” he whines. “You two are like…meant for each other. You’re there. You’re at the…you know…” He gestures with his hands. “…At the spot. The place.”

Scott smiles sheepishly, staring at the carpet under the coffee table. “I know…” he mumbles. “…But still. This is Liam. I want to make sure he’s okay with it.”

Lydia nods slowly, Scott’s point dawning on her. “Yeah, I suppose I get that. Given Liam’s depression, you want to give him enough space and confidence to be able to express himself.”

“Exactly,” Scott confirms, giving her a thankful look, because Lydia has managed to voice his thoughts in a better way than Scott could do himself.

“So when are you going to ask him?” Stiles asks, finally a bit more seriously.

“Well, I wanted to see him again today, but he’s busy,” Scott answers.

“Shame,” Stiles replies.

“Not really…” Lydia interferes, “…Now Liam has time to process it all.”

Scott looks up. He hadn’t thought of that yet. “Yeah, that’s true.” He smiles. “It’s alright,” he then says, brushing it off with a wave of his hand. “We’ll be alright.”

“Just enjoy your pink cloud for a moment…” Lydia swoons, closing her eyes as she sways. Scott joins her playfully.

Stiles purses his lips judgmentally. “You guys are pathetic. Hell, I like Malia, but you don’t see me going all…” he twirls his index finger next to his head.

Lydia scoffs at him. “Just you wait. After you have kissed Malia, you will be the same.”

“Who says I haven’t already?”

“Oh, please.”

Scott laughs, shaking his head at his friends’ bickering. After they have finally stopped, Stiles goes back to their earlier conversation. “Seriously, though, when are you going to ask him?”

Scott thinks for a moment. “Actually…there’s one thing left that I have to do first.”

Lydia and Stiles give each other a weird look.

The next day, Scott’s convinced the universe has taken some of Stiles’ characteristics and is toying with him. He doesn’t see Liam all day, and therefore has to wait until lacrosse practice. Yesterday, late at night, he had sent Liam a message, telling him good night, but unfortunately he hadn’t received a reply to it. That meant Scott hadn’t talked to Liam for more than twenty-four hours.

Twenty-seven, to be precise.

Scott hurries to the locker rooms after his last class, recognizing how crazy his feelings for Liam have already become. He is literally running, because he cannot wait to see him. Feeling like a child that can’t wait to get to his playdate, he changes into his gear, all the while scanning the room, only to find Liam is not there yet.

Coach is about to start his rant when Liam barges through the door, panting a little. “Sorry, got held up,” he apologizes after seeing the annoyed look that is being thrown at him.

Scott’s heart is pounding in his throat. Liam steals a glance and Scott instantly starts beaming. The younger one shies away, quickly opening his locker. Meanwhile, Coach explains their training for the day, Scott only registering half of it.

He finally has a chance to catch Liam outside, on the field. The team is taking turns shooting at the goal, so Scott steps behind Liam in line – Stiles on his heels.

“Hey,” Scott greets him, lightly tapping his shoulder with his glove covered hand.

Liam turns around with a small smile. “Hi.”

“How are you?” Scott asks.

“I’m good…” Liam answers, “You?”

Scott ignores Stiles’ annoyed groans behind him. He can practically hear his friend whispering in his ear, ‘get it over with already’.

“I’m great,” Scott answers, voice coated in a thick layer of agitation. “I, err… I was actually wondering if we could hang out tonight. I wanted to talk to you.”

Liam nods. “Yeah… I actually wanted to talk to you, too.”

Scott’s face falls a little from Liam’s serious tone. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Liam answers quickly, eyes widening a little. “Yeah, no, everything is fine. I promise.”

Scott swallows, a bit anxious as he pushes, “What…what do you wanna talk about?”

“I’ll tell you tonight, okay?” Liam refutes, reverting his attention back to the training, because it’s almost his turn.

“Liam,” Scott says, grabbing his arm. “If it’s about what happened on Saturday, I’m sorry…”

Scott doesn’t know why he says that, because he’s not. He’s definitely not sorry, he had absolutely loved it. Most likely, he’s apologizing because he fears the worst.

Liam gives him a weird look. “Scott…” He scoffs. “You don’t have to be sorry, it’s not about that.” He smiles at him reassuringly, before turning towards the goal and taking his shot.

Scott sighs deeply, falling into Stiles’ open arms, who is chuckling delightfully.

They quickly regain their composure when Liam turns back around after he has scored. “I'll see you tonight. My place?"

So, that evening, Scott shows up at Liam’s house right after dinner. There’s that awkward moment at the front door where neither of them seem to know what to do; if they should hug or kiss each other, so Scott decides to go for an awkward arm wrap right when Liam’s about to take off, making it even more uncomfortable, because Scott basically chokes Liam. They both exclaim a forced chuckle. Then, Liam rushes them up the stairs, meaning Scott doesn’t get a chance to talk to Liam’s parents, for the second time around. He’s starting to find it a bit odd, not wanting to be the sneaky older guy who’s secretly dating their son. So after the door has been safely shut by Liam, Scott brings it to the surface.

“Is there a reason I’m not allowed to meet your parents?” he asks, sitting down onto Liam’s desk chair.

The boy throws him a look. “You have met my stepdad,” he reminds Scott.

“Yeah, for like, two seconds. I haven’t even seen your mom,” Scott replies. “Don’t they think it’s weird?”

Liam shrugs. “They know you were coming over,” he attempts to excuse the situation. “And they’re usually too busy with work anyway.”

Scott nods, but isn’t really convinced. However, he decides to let it go for now, since they already have enough to talk about tonight. “So, what’s up?” he therefore asks.

“Oh,” Liam says, sitting down onto the end of his bed. “Err, don’t you want to go first?”

“Nah, mine can wait,” Scott assures him. He smiles gently as it seems like he has taken Liam a bit off guard by that.

“Okay, err…” Liam stammers, looking for words. “It’s just… I thought a lot about what you said on Saturday, about your past and not recognizing your old self anymore and stuff…” He snorts. “Even though that ‘old self’ was only a week ago, but still, you get my point.”

Scott hums.

“Alright, so… Yeah.” Liam licks his lips. “I guess I just… I wanted to know, like…” He groans, throwing his head back and rubbing his face. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time all of a sudden.” He chuckles awkwardly, before taking a deep breath. “Okay. Yeah, I’m fine. What I wanted to say… No, what I wanted to ask is if-” Another groan.

Scott’s eyebrows have risen, amusement evident on his face. He gets up from the chair, crouching down in front of the bed. His pinky finger catches Liam’s, the boy grinning comfortingly.

Liam stares down at it for a second, but then chuckles. “Thanks,” he says.

Scott shrugs it off.

“What I wanted to say is that I want to feel the same way as you do. I want to start figuring out how I can put all this behind me, if that makes sense?” Scott nods. “So, I was wondering if you had, like, any ideas. Or tips?”

Scott gives Liam a second to breathe and then asks, “Done?”

Liam chokes out a laugh. “Yeah,” he answers, a disbelieving frown on his face. “It’s weird how much this…” He wiggles their fingers. “…Actually helps.”

“I suppose it’s just our thing,” Scott replies casually. Liam confirms by making a low noise in the back of his throat.

The older guy moves into a more comfortable position, making sure he doesn’t let go of Liam’s pinky. He thinks for a moment about the boy’s question. “I guess it’s all about acceptance,” he offers after a while. “So maybe you can start by asking yourself what’s keeping you from that.”

Liam nods.

“But I don’t want you to take on too much,” Scott admits straight afterwards. “I mean…so much has happened the past couple of weeks. Don’t, like, overdo it…”

“I know,” Liam says gratefully. “I’m okay, actually. To be honest, last Saturday I started feeling weird again about everything I had said at the pool, but as soon as I noticed I was overthinking it, I got up and distracted myself. It went well, which is why I texted you.”

“I know, and I’m proud of you,” Scott repeats his words from Sunday morning. “What did you do?”

A blush colours Liam’s cheeks. “I played a videogame.”

Scott snorts. “And I’m the terrible liar?”

Liam moans, flailing himself onto his back on the mattress. “Okay, I thought about… Oh, you know what I thought about, leave me alone.”

Scott takes the opportunity, crawling up onto the bed next to Liam. “No,” he replies as seriously as he can. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Liam reaches for a pillow and nudges Scott’s face with it. “Jerk.”

Scott grins down at him, putting a hand under his head as he rests on his side. Liam’s feet are dangling over the end of the bed, hugging the pillow to his chest. Scott stares down into his eyes. Liam’s breathing sounds a little ragged and after Scott notices this, he shifts away a little. “Anyway, I just remembered, I have read this thing about people writing a letter to their old selves? You know, like, an apology or something you want to tell your past self to show you’re okay with everything. Maybe that’s an idea?”

Liam thinks about it. “I’m not much of a writer, though,” he says with a scrunched up nose.

Scott shrugs lightly. “You don’t have to be,” he says, in the meantime kicking off his shoes to get more comfortable. “Like, you don’t have to write an entire book and it doesn't have to be good, just a letter.”

Liam debates it for a beat longer, but then accepts the idea. “I suppose it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?”

“Definitely,” Scott assures him.

A silence falls between them. One where Scott’s arm starts to fall asleep from the position it’s in, resulting in him moving onto his back. Liam scoots a little to give him more space. They both end up staring at the ceiling quietly, each occupied with their own thoughts – or maybe just enjoying each other’s company.

“I’m also thinking about telling Mason,” Liam breaks the quiet.

Scott turns his head. “About what?” he asks, confused.

“About what I have been going through.”

“He still doesn’t know?”

Liam shakes his head. “Nope. He has been too busy with Brett, which I don’t blame him for,” he explains. “I think, since we have been friends for so long, he just expects me to talk about stuff, you know? Like, he doesn’t really pay attention anymore. I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

“No, I get what you mean,” Scott soothes. “The only reason why my friends are so on to me all the time is because they know me really well. Stiles once told me he can tell from really simple things how I’m feeling? It’s weird. I’m even more inclined to believe Lydia’s explanation, who just keeps saying she’s psychic.”

Liam chuckles. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually is.”

“Me neither,” Scott admits, grinning. “But…yeah, if you want to tell Mason, tell him. It could be a good thing, maybe you’ll start accepting yourself a bit more as well.”

“Hmhm, that’s what I was thinking. Besides, he is my best friend. And, just yesterday, he was talking about Brett, and sure, that’s mostly fun stuff, but it did make me realize he basically tells me everything, so I should do the same,” Liam confirms. “And now, because of all my talks with you, I can actually explain it.”

Scott takes the personal compliment.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Liam then asks.

“Oh, yeah,” Scott remembers. Lying next to Liam like this had almost made him think they actually already were an item. “It’s actually kinda the same as what you just said about you and Mason. I wanted to tell you about something, since, you know, I know so much about you, I feel like there’s this one important thing left you don’t know about me. Somehow it just never came up.”

Liam’s face turns more serious. “What is it?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

“Well, err…” Scott mutters, squinting his eyes as he thinks. He doesn’t really know how to introduce the subject. “It might be a little awkward.”

Liam turns his head, eyebrows knitting together. His face falls into seriousness as he forces a snort, “You sound like you’re going to tell me there’s someone else.”

Scott pulls an awkward expression, showing the bottom line of his teeth. “Well…there kinda is.”

“What do you mean?” Liam prompts, sitting up. “What do you mean ‘kinda’? I-I thought we liked each other. You said yourself that Saturday was a date… I… I don’t understand.”

Scott catches Liam’s shocked gaze and he realizes he has messed up big time.

“No! I mean, yes! Yes, Saturday was a date and, yes, I do like you. I’m sorry, I don’t mean there’s actually someone else, like, physically, but…” he rambles hastily, but then hears that he’s not making sense. The palm of his hand hits his forehead and he groans.

“You’re being very confusing right now,” Liam mutters, and Scott can already make out the sad undertone threatening his voice.

“I might still be hung up on my ex-girlfriend,” Scott blurts out before the rain. “But she’s dead.”

Liam’s jaw literally drops an inch and he stares at his friend. “What?”

“She died a year ago. Her name was Allison,” Scott explains.

“Wait…” Liam says as he wistfully looks away. “…A year ago? Did she go to Beacon High as well?”

Scott nods.

“Was that the girl they had a minute of silence for? Even our school knew about that. Oh my God, and you were her boyfriend? You were with her that night?”

Scott purses his lips inwards, still nodding silently.

Liam’s eyes trail off, seemingly processing all the bits of information as they fall into place like pieces of a puzzle. “Holy…” He swallows. “I cannot believe that was you. That must have been…”

“It was,” Scott interrupts him quietly, before exhaling a deep breath. The ceiling above him isn’t hiding anything interesting, but it still seems to be his main focus of attention. He wishes he had more tact. Then again, had there been a way to make the whole thing sound less dramatic? What had happened was, and still is, horrible, but situations like that are sad. He can’t really turn that around. Patiently, Scott gives Liam a minute to think about it all.

“So…” the younger boy breaks the silence. “So what does this mean? I mean…not to sound selfish, but…why have you never told me this? And why are you telling me now?”

Scott swallows. “Like I said, it had never really come up. And it’s not like I haven’t partly let go of Allison, because I have. But that also means I partly haven’t.”

“Okay…” Liam replies unsurely.

“I keep comparing you to her,” Scott explains after he has inhaled a sharp breath. “It’s…odd, I know you’re different people, but I keep looking for things in you that I can recognize as Allison’s. Yeah, I know how that sounds. It’s not like I’m trying to replace her with you, it’s more… You have to understand that, before you, I have only been in love once, and that was with Allison. We never really broke up, so I think a part of me is still in love with her as well. Not a big part, though.”

Liam’s forehead has wrinkled from his frown. “You…you’re in love with me?”

Scott gasps, but accidentally chokes on his own saliva. Coughing vigorously, he sits up a little, secretly glad that it’s buying him some time. Even though the inside of his throat now feels like he has swallowed sandpaper. Liam pats him on the back a little and Scott holds up his hand.

“Sorry, that wasn’t really the point, was it?” Liam mumbles while the older guy catches his breath.

“It… It, no. No, it…” Scott grumbles, rubbing his hands over his face. How come Liam always seems onto him? Every time, there are so many things he wants to tell him. “Look, I…” He presses his lips together. “The reason I told you is because I feel like I know everything about you, so it’s only fair if you know everything about me.”

Liam shrugs a little indifferently. Scott sharing this probably still sounds like a business transaction to him. Scott sighs, shifting into a cross-legged position, so he can look into Liam’s eyes.

“Stiles and Lydia keep pointing out that I compare how I feel about you to how I felt when I was with Allison. Only yesterday morning I realized there’s nothing wrong with that, because I feel the same way. I guess I just looked for some sort of confirmation, and I just wanted you to know, okay?”

“Okay,” Liam says in an understanding voice. He’s staring up into Scott’s eyes, eyebrows drooping in a sad way.

So the older guy shows a hint of a smile on the corners of his lips. “…And to answer your question: yes.” He can see the reflection of starlight glimmering on the surface of the ocean when Liam visibly cheers up.

“‘Yes’, what?”

Scott rolls his eyes theatrically, putting his right hand on top of Liam’s. “Yes, I’m in love with you.”

Liam’s grin widens, the boy whispering a provocative ‘okay’ as Scott slowly moves a little closer.

Their lips brush against each other and Scott easily recognizes the same sensations as he had the first time they had kissed; soft as clouds and warm as summer.

And just as short.

“Thanks,” Liam says and for a second Scott thinks he’s talking about what they just did, but then the boy clarifies, “For telling me. It means a lot.”

Scott bites his lip, smiling. “Thanks for listening.”

Liam snorts, shaking his head. “We are disgusting,” he jokes.

Scott scrunches up his nose. “We kinda are, aren’t we?”

“Yes,” Liam nods, turning his hand so that their palms are now touching. He drags his fingernail across the lines of Scott’s hand. The older guy shivers and Liam chuckles. “So does that mean…”

Scott doesn’t need Liam to finish that question to already know his answer. “Yes.”

His boyfriend blushes.

Scott’s back home a couple of hours later. Needless to say he and Liam had spent the rest of the evening talking on Liam’s bed. Scott had pecked a kiss onto his lips twice more.

The front door falls into its lock behind him and Scott moves up the stairs. Under a quiet breath, he whispers, “February 19th.” He doubts he’s ever going to forget this date.

Another wave of excitement ignites his insides, so he rings Stiles to tell him the good news.

“Finally!” his best friend exclaims on the other side of the line after Scott has finished his summary of the evening. “Congrats, man, that’s great.”

Scott’s lucky Stiles can’t see him beaming like an idiot. He enters his bedroom. “I know, right? I’m so happy, you don’t even know.”

Stiles chuckles. “Yeah, I get that. After all, you’ve only been wanting this for what, like, two weeks now?”

“Huh?” Scott’s face falls ever so slightly as he sits down onto his bed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, just that it’s typical you. You fall hard, Scott McCall.”

Scott frowns slightly. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah, of course it is. You’re a people person. Hell, I wish I was like that,” Stiles answers.

“You’re fine.”

“I’m really not,” Stiles rejects Scott’s unnecessary attempt at making him feel better. “But it’s alright. I’ve got the brains.”

It stays quiet for a moment. Scott drifts off into the memory of Liam’s lips, noticing he already misses him.

“Gosh, Scott and Liam. Liam and Scott. Sciam,” Stiles breaks the silence in a babbling manner. “Who would have even considered the two of you at the start of the year?” he continues. “And it happened so fast. For how long have you known each other now? Like, really known each other?”

Scott shrugs, even though Stiles can’t see that. “A month? Two?”

“Crazy, huh?”

“It doesn’t feel crazy,” Scott responds innocently. “It feels right.”

“Oh, yeah, no, of course. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying it was fast. I mean, he used to be a normal freshman on our lacrosse team and now he’s your boyfriend. Hey, we should totally do something again, the lot of us together, like that one time in the mall, remember?”

Warmth spreads throughout Scott’s chest. “That sounds nice. We should. We could do a video game tournament or something.”

“Sure! If you want to have your ass kicked and make a complete fool out of yourself in front of your new lover.”

Scott laughs, but doesn’t let Stiles antagonize him. Instead he asks, “How are things with Malia?”

“Good, good,” Stiles answers. “We talk, we laugh, we text. Although, she tends to sound a bit stuck up on the phone. She doesn’t use emojis.”

Scott hisses. “That can be tricky,” he jokes.

“I know right? I can never tell if she’s being sarcastic or not.”

“Why don’t you just ask?”

“Oh, I have done that. It makes me sound needy and paranoid. It was a lot of fun.”

Scott chuckles. It’s typical of Stiles to be aware of his every move, socially. “I’m sure she thinks you’re great. She wouldn’t text you if she didn’t.”

“Eh, I suppose you’re right. I’m quite loveable.”

“You are.”

“Ah, thanks, bro. The same goes for you. You’re an adorable little puppy and I love you. Now, dad’s giving me the evil eye, because I haven’t started my homework yet, so, see you tomorrow!”

“Good luck.”

“Yes, dad, I know. It was a three minute phone conversation, can you just-”

Scott shakes his head as he taps the red button on his phone.

After that, he listens to the stillness in the house. His mom is working the night shift again. Stiles’ words play around in his head and Scott looks back on the past few months. How he and Liam had started off and how Liam had pushed him away at first. Scott can’t put his finger on what had made the young boy change his mind, but he figures it has something to do with his persistence. People always want to be saved, don’t they? That’s why superheroes are so popular nowadays. Oh, does that mean Scott is Liam’s superhero? Probably.

Yet, Scott doesn’t feel like one. His best friend called it crazy, but to him it had just felt natural. Like his mom says, he cares a lot. Maybe at times a little too much, but hey, if he has to have a flaw, that one suits him quite well.

He gets up from his bed, walking over to his desk where the Valentine’s Day card has been placed. From that exact spot, Scott will be able to look at it every morning he wakes up, or when he is struggling with his Chemistry homework again. Yes, of course he had put thought into that.

A gentle sigh slips past his lips and, as he has done a lot in the last couple of days, he notes how happy he feels. It almost seems surreal. He knows it’s because he’s in love and that that feeling will fade, though. Probably in a week or so, he’s going to be thrown back down to Earth. His only hope then is that Liam will be there to catch him.

And that small train of thought makes Scott wonder if Liam will be strong enough for that. In all fairness, he’s still depressed. Sure, he’s doing better and Scott is proud of him for that, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. No, not yet. Maybe it will never be over, even. Maybe this is something they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives. Scott’s not sure. All he knows is that things don’t stay happy and good forever. In life, there are ups and downs, and somewhere deep down he realizes he’s scared of the decline.

His neglected phone buzzes from the bed, making him look up and walk over. It distracts him from his worry.

“I’m in love with you, too,” Liam’s text reads, “I didn’t tell you that earlier.”

And suddenly Scott feels like he can take on the world again. And if Liam fuels him like that, there isn’t much that can go wrong. Even on the decline, when Scott’s thrown from cloud nine and rain is pouring down into his eyes as his body hits the ground, he doesn’t have to be afraid.

Because Scott can control the weather.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

It’s Sunday, late afternoon, and Scott and Lydia have just finished studying. The redhead had prepared a pop quiz, saying it would help him keep up, but Scott knows she was just secretly checking if he had been doing his homework.

“Alright, I have to admit it,” Lydia says, throwing up her hands. “I’m impressed.”

Scott is sat cross legged on the bed, wiggling back and forth. A shy grin paints his lips. “Thanks,” he takes the compliment.

“Electrolysis is a tough one, so well done,” she continues to feed his ego. “And now that’s done…” She closes the books in front of them and throws her cue-cards on the floor. In a swift motion she is on her stomach across from Scott, barefoot with painted toenails dangling in the air. “…Tell me everything about you and Liam.”

Scott chuckles. “Not much has happened in the past week,” he admits, “except for one small thing.”

“Oh my God, did you have sex?”

“No!” Scott exclaims quickly, ears starting to burn. “No, we did not have sex.”

“Well, why not?” Lydia wants to know. She narrows her eyes. “He’s shy, isn’t he? Oh, Scott, the shy ones are the-”

“I’m not having this conversation with you!” Scott says incredulously. “Nothing has happened, okay? It hasn’t even crossed my mind yet.”

“You would be the first man in the history of the-”

“Please stop.”

Lydia smirks. “Alright then,” she surrenders. “So what did happen?”

“Liam told Mason what has been going on with him,” Scott answers.

“You mean about the depression, or about you, or…?”

“Everything.”

Lydia’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh? That is big. How did he handle it?”

“I would say quite well,” Scott’s initial answer sounds, “but also not so well.”

“He took it badly, didn’t he?”

“A little. But I guess it’s a lot to take when your best friend tells you he has been hurting himself, hooked up with a senior and now has a boyfriend,” Scott answers. He can tell from Lydia’s facial expression that she wants to know more. Scott sighs. “Liam invited Mason to come over yesterday. He had already told him over text that he needed to talk to him. On one hand to prepare Mason a little, but also so that he couldn’t back out of it anymore himself.”

Lydia nods.

“Liam tried to lead him through it as calmly as possible, but as soon as he mentioned the cutting, Mason wanted to see his arm. So that was quite difficult…for the both of them. Mason teared up a little and I think Liam said he did as well. So they talked for, like, hours: how it had all started and how the whole self-harming thing worked for him. He used the same metaphor as when he explained it to me for the first time, only with some extra bits I added, which I told him that Saturday when we ran into them at the mall,” Scott tells her. “Which is how he got onto my part of the story. Liam told me that Mason was happy for us, and that he’s grateful that I have helped Liam so much. But I can imagine that he also resents me a little for it. I mean, they have been friends for so long and now some other random guy has been there for him, instead of the person he has known for years.”

“Mason doesn’t strike me as the jealous type, I don’t think,” Lydia says softly. Her face has become quite serious.

Scott shrugs a little. “I don’t know. He’s a cool guy, I mean, I don’t see him coming up to me and saying something about it or anything like that, but as I said, I get it if he does feel a little neglected.”

“Have you told Liam?”

“I have,” Scott admits. “He basically said the same as you just did, but said he would keep it in mind.”

“Have you seen him?”

Scott shakes his head. “I texted him last night to check up on him, but Mason was still there. He called an hour later to tell me everything.” He swallows, frowning slightly at his fumbling hands in his lap. “He said he was okay and he sounded alright – tired, if anything.”

Lydia’s emerald eyes soften, the girl moving her hand on top of Scott’s. “Are you scared?”

“Honestly? A little,” Scott answers.

His friend hums, squeezing Scott’s hands. “It’s really good that he told Mason, though. Talking about it to other people helps so much, even if it’s just an extra pair of eyes that can make sure he’s okay.”

Scott does agree with that, “And he might come to terms with it a bit more. At least I read that somewhere.”

“That makes sense,” Lydia responds. “That’s why I’m still seeing Ms. Morrell sometimes.”

“Yeah…” Scott breathes. “Anyway, he’s coming over tonight, so I can double check.”

“That’s nice.” Lydia smiles. “Have you got anything planned?”

“Nah, we mostly just talk,” Scott snorts. “It’s weird, I have never talked so much to someone in my life. But somehow, every time, the conversation just starts and next thing I know it’s time to go home.”

Lydia cocks her head to the side a little. “That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Scott nods, flicking his eyes up and catching her gaze. He stops playing with his fingers, instead intertwining them with Lydia’s. “So…can I ask about you and...?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “…Or is his name still off limits?”

“You can say his name,” Lydia answers with a smirk.

“Alright, so…” Scott swoons. “How are you and Deputy Parrish?”

Lydia giggles. “We’re good. He’s taking me out again next Friday. And we text each other a lot.”

“Like, all day long?” Scott wonders.

“Yep,” Lydia answers, rocking her feet back and forth. “He texts me every morning, and you know what that means…”

Scott frowns, confused. “Yes…?”

Lydia sighs, sitting up and mimicking Scott’s position. “Oh, Scotty. You naïve little thing. If a guy texts you good morning, you’re the first thing that’s on his mind.”

Scott’s mouth forms an ‘Oh’ and he nods, impressed. “You really have got this dating thing all figured out, haven’t you?”

“I have my formula,” Lydia replies, shrugging it off. She gets up and starts gathering her stuff. “Anyway, I have to go. Mom likes to have dinner early on Sundays and you know how she gets when I’m late.”

Scott chuckles. “Sure. I have to cancel the weekly movie date with my mom, so here’s to hoping she won’t kill me.” He crosses his fingers, holding them up.

Lydia rolls her eyes. “You McCalls are so homely, it must be exhausting.”

“Hey, with my mom working night shifts I don’t get to see her that much, okay? Besides, I love her.”

Lydia mockingly mimics his words with her mouth, so Scott shoves her playfully. “Okay, come on, out you go.”

Lydia screeches and laughs as Scott pushes her out of his bedroom. They walk down the stairs and Scott leans against the door frame as he watches her walk to her car, which is parked across the street. Right when she’s about to get in, she sticks out her hand and waves. “Bye, Scott! Call me when you and Liam have finally had sex!” After that she quickly starts the engine and spurts off, leaving a horrified Scott on his doorstep.

He has dinner with his mom shortly afterwards and tells her that Liam’s coming over. She looks excited.

“Does that mean I finally get to meet him?”

Scott blushes lightly, quickly busying himself with his pasta. Melissa frowns in surprise, sitting up a little. “Alright, I’ll take that as a no…”

“I’m sorry!” Scott instantly caves. “It’s just that Liam is really weird about me meeting his parents, so I suppose that’s a thing? I don’t want to, like, I don’t know… If he doesn’t want me to meet his parents yet, shouldn’t I want the same thing, but the other way around?”

His mother snorts. “It sounds like you need to have a chat.”

Scott groans, resting his chin on his elbow and shoving his plate to the side. “We already talk all the time.”

“Ah, so has he told you that you don’t have to walk on eggshells around him?” Melissa offers, smirking.

Scott blinks at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you don’t have to take care of him all the time,” his mom explains, now sounding a bit more sympathetic. “You said Liam’s doing better. He’s changing, which means you’ll have to as well.”

His face falls. “…But what if he relapses?” What if Scott being able to control the weather isn’t enough?

Melissa smiles gently. “Oh, honey,” she says, stroking a hand through her son’s hair. “Just trust him.”

The guy shows a crooked smile, exhaling a deep breath. “Yeah… You’re right. I know you’re right. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this all of a sudden. I mean, I was fine before.”

“Maybe you just worry too much.”

Scott frowns at that, moving his head up. Melissa’s hand slides from the top of his head to his cheek. “I thought that wasn’t a bad quality?”

“It isn’t.” Her curls lightly bounce as she shakes her head. “But I also told you not to let it get into your head too much.”

And while goose bumps tickle across Scott’s arms, his mom gets up and starts clearing the table. “It’s a shame I’m not meeting him tonight, though. I was looking forward to it.”

Scott nods, his mom’s words repeating themselves over and over in his mind. Had he let it get to him? Had he neglected his own feelings this entire time, because he was too distracted with taking care of Liam?

He remembers Stiles’ worried looks a couple of weeks ago on the lacrosse field when Scott was desperately trying to get Liam to open up, he recalls Lydia’s comments on being able to see right through him, and the memory of Liam offering to share the lunch he had given him on Valentine’s Day.

Scott had forgotten to eat.

“Mom?” he asks quietly, looking up at her with a pair of concerned eyes. “You’ll always take care of me, right?”

Melissa’s face softens as she folds her hands in front of her chest. “Of course,” she assures him, walking over and pressing a kiss into his hair. “But I also trust you.”

Scott lets his head fall against her side and she wraps her arms around his shoulders.

The doorbell rings two hours later. Scott snickers at his mom, who hurries up the stairs to her bedroom with a wink.

“Hey,” Scott greets his boyfriend, heart skipping a beat when he lays his eyes on him.

Liam shuffles closer. “Hi.”

Scott wraps him up into a big bear hug, resting his chin on Liam’s head for a moment. “I missed you. How are you?”

Liam takes a breath, letting go of Scott. “I’m okay,” he answers. “I mean, it was tough yesterday, but it’s better now.”

“Have you heard from Mason?”

“He texted me this morning, telling me again how happy he is that I told him.”

Scott smiles. “That’s good then. I’m glad he hasn’t overreacted.”

“I know, I was surprised, too,” Liam jokes lamely, pulling the sleeves of his coat over his hands.

“Wanna go upstairs?” Scott offers.

“Yes.”

Liam kicks off his shoes and hangs up his coat onto the rack. When they are halfway up the stairs, he asks, “Is your mom working tonight?”

“Nah, she’s in bed, watching TV. I think she was quite tired anyway,” Scott lies.

“Oh, okay,” Liam replies, and Scott notices the relieved undertone in his voice. He resists the urge to finally ask why he’s so awkward about parents.

“I need to talk to you about something,” Scott says after he has closed his bedroom door.

Liam snickers. “Don’t we always?”

Scott’s face lights up. “I know right?! All we ever do is talk. We must be the most boring couple ever.”

“Oh!” Liam exclaims. “That reminds me. Mason wants to have a double date night this Friday, you know, with Brett.”

“Really? Who are you taking?” Scott jokes, earning himself a well-aimed pillow.

“Jerk,” Liam says, moving up on Scott’s bed so that his back is against the headboard. “Seriously though, do you mind?”

“Of course not. It sounds like fun.”

“It should be. Brett’s alright, and we’re watching a movie anyway, so if you turn out not to click with him – which would mean Brett cannot be trusted, because who doesn’t like you – you don’t have to talk.”

Scott shows an impressed face, nodding. “You’re talkative today,” he comments.

Liam looks amused. “I am, because I have had a great week. And it has been a long time since I have had a great week.” He pats the spot next to him on the bed. “Mainly because of you.”

A weight lifts off Scott’s shoulders as he sits down. Liam rolls onto his side, gently stealing the pillow back from Scott’s hand and putting it under his head. “So what’s going to be the topic of this session?”

Scott snorts, shaking his head before he becomes more serious. “I’m just going to come out and say it,” he admits.

“Of course,” Liam says, his pinky finger finding Scott’s.

“I’m scared something is gonna go wrong and that you’ll hurt yourself again,” Scott blurts out, glancing at Liam from the corners of his eyes.

“…Oh,” Liam replies, visibly taken aback. One would have thought he was now used to Scott’s lack of tact.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound so bad. I just… Everything has been so good this week that I think I’m just a bit scared everything’s going to come crashing down. I mean, I’d like to think that we have become really close over the past weeks, but what if it isn’t enough, you know? What if something happens and we won’t be able to handle it?”

Liam raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“No, I know, me neither. It doesn’t sound like me either, but I do. And I just thought… Can we talk about it, please?”

“Of course we can talk about it,” Liam hastily assures him. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

Scott nods, tightening the muscles in his fingers. Liam squeezes back. A silence falls between them and with every second that passes Scott’s nerves grow.

“Remember when we were in my garden?” Liam breaks the silence.

Scott hums.

“You told me you need to have worth,” he reminds him. “You told me you want to make a difference and such, maybe that’s why you’re worrying? Maybe, deep down, you’re scared of not having a purpose anymore when I get better?”

Scott’s eyes widen, because that sounds absolutely horrible. That would mean he doesn’t actually want to be with Liam, but just feels attracted to him because he wants to help him. The worst thing about that is that it actually makes sense. A chord inside of Scott has been hit and it vibrates through his soul. Just like that, the world seems to shatter around him. Guilt grips around his heart like a vine of thorns. A painful lump grows in his throat and he doesn’t understand how so many feelings can be hitting him all at once. He has never had that before. But realizing he is having them now only makes Liam’s words sound truer. This would mean that what his father has done to him has left scars that will never fully heal. He will always be this person; someone who can never be sure he loves someone, because he’s too selfish and only wants to fill the hole in his own heart.

“Are you okay…?” Liam asks, moving upwards. His eyebrows have knitted together and he’s examining Scott with a worried look. Their fingers loosen and Scott moves his hand in front of his mouth. The corners of his lips are trembling.

“Hey,” Liam says, now wrapping an arm around Scott’s shoulder. “Don’t get upset. It’s okay.”

But Scott can’t stop himself, because the world has suddenly turned into this dangerous environment where he can never be sure of anything. Not even about himself. He isn’t sure if he’s really in love with Liam, because he hasn’t really listened to himself lately. He had cared too much about others and forgotten about himself, which means he can’t trust himself.

“Talk to me, please,” Liam invades his thoughts. “Don’t let it get into your head too much. I know how that feels. It’s not nice.”

Scott tries to swallow around the lump in his throat, but can’t help his voice from breaking slightly. “What if I’m not in love with you?”

Liam falters a little at those words, but quickly regains his composure, pressing Scott a little closer to his chest. “What makes you think that?”

“What you said…what if I’m only trying to help myself, instead of you?” Scott’s voice is barely a whisper.

Liam rubs his shoulder. “I don’t think that’s true…”

“…But you are right,” Scott says. “I’m afraid for the day you won’t need me anymore.”

Liam chuckles softly. “I never really needed you,” he admits. “I wanted you.” He hugs him a little tighter. “Think about it. You’re the only one I ended up telling everything to. So I think I wanted to tell you, but I was just scared to admit it. I mean, sure, after that I kind of needed you, but now it’s more wanting you again.”

Scott wipes the damp from his eyes, turning his head. “Really?”

“Definitely,” Liam answers with a smile. “And…didn’t you say you feel the same way about me as you did about Allison? You didn’t want to help her, did you?”

“No…”

“So that’s saying something.”

Scott frowns, and then a flash of lightning strikes, clearing his mind. Suddenly, he can see clearly, like clouds that have disappeared from before the sun. “…Which explains why I kept comparing you to her…” He straightens his back. “It’s not because I’m still in love with her...”

“You said yourself you were looking for confirmation, and you found it.”

Scott’s mouths opens and closes a couple of times, shocked. Liam groans when Scott jumps on top of him and hugs him tightly. “Thanks,” he says, the word muffled by Liam’s shirt.

Liam grins, stroking Scott’s back. “It’s okay.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

A couple of days later, on the first day of March, Scott is sat in Beacon High’s library. Frost has crept up the windows, announcing that winter is finally here. He is pretending to do work, yet his mind is somewhere else; mostly revising what has happened over the past few months, while he should be revising his Chemistry.

But he doesn’t feel like focusing. After his little, and completely unexpected, breakdown on Sunday, he has decided to stop overthinking his relationship with Liam. And in order to stop overthinking it he just has to overthink it one last time, you know, to really finish things up.

It’s taken a little over two months for Scott and Liam to go from acquaintances to boyfriends. Two months. Two months and a bit. Two months and one official date. Crazy, which is probably why it has been so confusing for the most part. So many new things have happened in such a short time span that, if Scott reminds himself of all of it, he can hardly believe that they have become so adjusted.

But they have.

Sure, it’s taken them a lot of long conversations and a lot of comforting – which Scott secretly doesn’t mind, because touching Liam is the most amazing thing on Earth – but they are finally _there_. Liam hasn’t cut himself for a while now and Scott has accepted that he actually is in love with him. Truly and utterly in love. He has stopped mixing up his caring with his loving nature, and even though Scott still feels like everything will go to hell eventually – because that’s just how life works – he is ready to enjoy his time with Liam for the time being. And if everything falls apart, then they’ll manage. Or they won’t. Eh, either way, they’ll eventually be fine.

So, in pursuit of that new way of life, Scott sent Liam a text message this morning, right after he had woken up. It hadn’t been anything special, just a ‘Morning! Hope you slept well!’ with a little heart emoji. Maybe a little sappy, but hey, it had worked, because not long afterwards Liam had invited him to come over that night.

Scott’s staring at the entrance of the library from behind his table, deep in his thoughts, not actually registering who’s been coming in, but he perks up when he recognizes Mason in the doorway. His eyes follow the boy as he walks over to one of the bookshelves. For a moment Scott debates if he should do what he wants to do, but then decides he might as well stay true to his tactless nature.

“Hey, Mason,” he greets his boyfriend’s best friend, tapping his shoulder lightly. “You busy?”

The guy turns around, seemingly surprised at Scott’s sudden appearance. “Hey, man, no, just looking for something. What’s up?”

Scott flashes a lopsided smile, feeling more anxious than he had intended to. He scratches the back of his neck. “I just wanted to say…sorry…?” It sounded like a question; unsure and hesitant. “I mean, I get it if you’re upset that Liam told me before you about…you know…him.”

Mason stops his search, his face having faltered ever so slightly at the indirect mention, but he regains his composure just as quickly. He tilts his head back a little, and with narrowed eyes, he says, “Thanks. I don’t feel like that, but it means a lot that you thought about the possibility.”

Scott nods, kicking the floor shyly. “Yeah, I… I don’t want to come in between you two or step on your friendship or something.”

Mason scoffs. “And even if you did want to, you couldn’t,” he replies. “But don’t worry. We’re cool.”

Scott exhales a sigh of relief, which Mason snickers at, shaking his head a little. Scott frowns, instantly wondering what exactly Liam has told his best friend about him, but then figures he will probably never find out. Mason goes back to finding his book.

“So, can I ask you a question?” Scott interrupts him again, after he has remembered he wanted to ask something.

“Shoot.”

“Have you ever met Liam’s parents?”

Mason raises his eyebrows. “Of course I have. We’ve known each other since, like, forever. Why do you ask?” But when he notices the disappointed look on Scott’s face, he starts laughing. “Oh, God,” he chuckles, rolling his eyes. “Let me guess, Liam’s being weird about you meeting his parents?”

Scott nods fiercely. “And I don’t understand why! It’s really starting to mess with my head a little. Like, are they going to get freaked out about me being older or something? I have only seen his stepdad once, he seemed kind of cool, but I don’t know...”

“He is,” Mason acknowledges. “And you’re close, but, no, it’s not the age difference.”

“Then what is it?”

Mason thinks for a moment. “It’s…” He huffs. “It’s Liam being Liam; a teenager going through puberty, and suddenly becoming incredibly ashamed of his parents.”

Scott frowns, swallowing his initial, incredulous response that that’s crazy, because who doesn’t love their parents? He could never be ashamed of his mother. Gosh, no, he loves her and he wouldn’t mind telling anyone how great she is. So, instead, he wonders, “Aren’t you guys, like, fifteen? Shouldn’t you be over that by now…?”

“Liam was always a bit of a late bloomer,” Mason says, winking.

Scott blinks at him, because it takes him a moment before he fully understands what Mason means, but before he can respond, the guy has already found the book he had been looking for and is attempting to walk off. “See you Friday?”

“Yeah…see you Friday…” Scott mumbles after the guy, meanwhile fishing his vibrating phone out of his pocket.

“Got my History grade for our last test,” Liam’s message reads.

While walking back to his seat, Scott types, “And? How did you do?”

The reply doesn’t take long.

“Failed it.”

Scott sighs, pressing his lips into a thin line. He taps his phone against the palm of his hand, thinking. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll do better next time. I mean, you obviously had other things on your mind,” he writes back. The constricting feeling around his heart makes him realize he’s still afraid Liam will hurt himself again. Scott can’t really tell yet as to what extent Liam will be put down by things like this, or if his boyfriend’s destructive behaviour is completely off the table. The uncertainty makes him apprehensive.

Yet, the teenager decides to stay true to his resolutions: he and Liam are going to enjoy their time together. No more drama.

Which is why he’s carrying a bag of Sour Patch Kids when he rings the doorbell to Liam’s house that evening. His fingers are buzzing lightly. It feels good to be his supportive self again. This is who he is, and he doesn’t need to know why he is that way. It doesn’t matter if it’s because of his father’s influence or not—and if that’s bad or not. It makes him feel nice, and that’s the only thing that counts.

“Hey,” Liam says after he has opened the door. Scott notices the beaten look on his face.

He steps forward, hugging him tightly. The bag of sweets makes a cracking noise when pressed against Liam’s back. “I’m sorry about your test,” he mumbles, rubbing his spine comfortingly.

Liam sighs, letting go of Scott a bit quicker than usual. Scott figures it’s because his parents are home.

“I know. It just sucks.”

“Which is why…I brought you a little present,” Scott says, holding up the candy with a bright smile.

“Ah…” Liam visibly melts. He takes the bag from Scott, looking at it. “Because you figured I might be sour?” he asks jokingly.

Scott’s eyebrows knit together, because he doesn’t have a clear explanation as to why he had bought them. Somehow he had just spontaneously thought of them…

…Or had he?

Oh! Oh, God, no. No, it hadn’t just been an unconsidered idea: Liam tastes like sweet and sour candy!

Scott’s face heats up when he becomes aware of this. While blinking rapidly he answers, “Yeah, yeah…that’s why.” He chuckles, clearly uncomfortable.

Liam cocks his head, eying him suspiciously. “You’re doing that blinking thing again,” he correctly observes. “Why are you lying?”

Scott unzips his jacket and puts his helmet on the floor, next to the doormat. “You taste like candy,” he mumbles from his ducked down position.

“What?” Liam moves his ear closer to Scott’s face, after the guy has gotten back up.

“You taste like candy,” Scott repeats quietly.

Liam begins blushing furiously. “…Let’s go upstairs.”

“Yup.”

Scott follows him obediently, leaving the awkward moment at the front door.

“I saw Mason today,” he mentions after they have entered Liam’s bedroom, throwing himself onto the bed. It squeaks under his weight as he bounces. Briefly, his eye falls onto a little notebook on Liam’s bedside table and Scott assumes that Liam has taken his advice and has started a diary.

“I know. He told me,” Liam replies matter-of-factly, sitting down next to his boyfriend. “You apologized to him, even though I told you that you didn’t have to.”

Scott screws up his face. “Sorry. I just couldn’t help it.”

Liam sighs, but smiles nonetheless. “I know. You have this uncontrollable need to be liked by people.”

Scott grins happily. “Yes, exactly!” He looks up at the ceiling, stretching his upper body, his arms spread above his head.

“So did he tell you about anything else we talked about?” he asks as he averts his gaze back to Liam.

The boy looks up, and there’s a hint of a glimmer in his eyes. Scott frowns, looking down at himself, trying to see what had drawn Liam’s attention, but he can’t find anything in particular…except for the fact that he’s showing a little skin. Apparently his shirt had crawled up mid-stretch and… had Liam been staring at his slightly exposed stomach? An exciting tingle shoots through Scott’s abdomen.

“No, he didn’t mention anything,” Liam says, after having licked his lips. “Why?”

Scott shakes his head. “No reason.”

Liam gives him a look, so Scott quickly changes the subject. “I wanted to ask you a question, though.”

“Sure.”

“I told my mom about us, and she really wants to meet you…” Scott trails off.

“Oh…really?” Liam asks, face twisting in an awkward manner.

“Yeah...do you mind?”

Liam shrugs a little. He’s not jumping at the opportunity, which shows his hesitance. “I guess so…but what if she doesn’t like me?”

Scott smiles. “Clearly, you don’t know my mom,” he answers reassuringly.

“I don’t, which is why you want me to meet her.”

Scott raises his eyebrows.

Liam lets out a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I just get really nervous when it comes to parents.”

“So I’ve heard…” Scott mentions cheekily.

“Ah, so you and Mason did talk about more stuff,” Liam states. He gets up, picking up the Sour Patch Kids from his desk. By the time he sits back down he has the first one in his mouth. “Fine, I’ll meet her. But please make sure we have something to do, because I would hate to just sit across from her and be forced to talk.”

Scott perks up, nodding. “No problem. We can cook dinner for her.”

Liam chuckles. “We can _try_ to cook dinner for her.”

“It’ll be fine,” Scott reassures him, moving over to steal a sweet from the bag. His ears warm when he recognizes the flavor, and suddenly his playful nature starts boiling to the surface, especially when he notices Liam’s glancing over at his stomach again. He chews on the candy.

“So what do you want to do tonight?” he asks, biting his bottom lip as he smiles up at the boy.

Liam shrugs lightly. “I don’t know. We could watch a movie or something?”

Scott nods slowly. “Sure.” He’s totally up for ‘watching a movie’, but decides that, first, he needs to test the waters a bit more. He gets up to take off his jumper, refraining from commenting that he’s hot, because he doesn’t want to sound too obvious about it. “Which movie?” he asks, stalling time a little.

Liam thinks. “I don’t know…and I just realized I don’t even know what kind of movies you like.” He shows a goofy look.

“Don’t mind,” Scott answers indecisively. “Comedy, horror, rom-com, anything, really.” He falls back onto the bed again, but this time moves onto his side, leaning on his arm, his hand under his head. Cold air brushes against the skin of his abdomen, confirming that his shirt has crawled up again. “You?”

“Same,” Liam replies, putting another sweet into his mouth. “I’ll grab my laptop. We can probably find something to watch.”

Scott nods, making it seem like he’s looking away from Liam, but secretly watches his boyfriend’s eyes flick downwards again as he gets up, adamantly avoiding eye contact. Internally, Scott chuckles. This is way too easy. And too interesting. They have seen each other before in the showers after lacrosse practice, so why does it feel so different now? Has Liam always looked at him like this? Scott can feel a sense of excited curiosity growing inside his chest. Maybe he should make a move.

As he contemplates how he should go about it, Liam returns with his laptop, occupied with actually finding something for them to watch. His face is illuminated by the soft white light coming from the screen and Scott notices how clear the ocean is tonight.

“Mason mentioned something else that was very interesting as well,” he suddenly recalls.

“Yeah, what?” Liam asks, not looking up from his laptop.

Scott grins mischievously. “That you’re a bit of a late bloomer.”

Liam’s eyes flick up. He glares at Scott for a moment before responding in a very bitter tone, “I’m going to kill him.” Scott stares back, intrusively, and Liam sighs. “My voice broke quite late, okay? That’s why he said that.”

Scott chuckles. “It also explains why you’re so small.”

Liam’s jaw drops an inch.

“Hey, I’m not saying I mind,” Scott says, holding his hands up defensively. “I mean, to me, you’re the perfect height.” More color spreads through Liam’s cheeks. Scott smirks, moving his hand up. He pretends he’s scratching his neck, fingers sliding across his collar bone, his bicep flexed. “You know, for hugs and stuff. Probably for cuddles as well, but we haven’t figured that out yet…”

Liam’s eyes widen ever so slightly as he closes his mouth. He swallows—Scott can see his Adam’s apple move in his throat. His eyes flash to Scott’s arm and back to his face so quickly that it’s actually a miracle Scott notices. The tension between them sits heavy and thick in the air. Scott can feel his nerves buzzing with hungry anticipation.

Then he goes in for the kill, sitting up, not wasting any time to close the distance between their faces, mouth only inches away from Liam’s lips…

But right when Scott moves, Liam does the same. He turns around, attempting to stand up, arms flailing around him, and his elbow hits something in the process.

Scott utters a groan, folding his hands over his nose. “Holy… Ah, that hurts,” he cries out.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry!” Liam exclaims, putting down his computer. He crouches down in front of Scott. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, I just remembered which movie I really wanted to watch and I didn’t expect you-”

“It’s okay,” Scott waves away his apology. “I’m okay.” He wiggles his nose a little, slowly removing his hands.

“Oh my God, you’re bleeding,” Liam says.

Only then Scott feels the warm liquid on his upper lip. He dabs at it, looking at his fingers. “Oh, yep. Yeah, I’m bleeding.” He chuckles, shaking his head at himself.

“Wait. I’ll get some paper towels. Just…just don’t put your head backwards. Put it forward, okay? I know that doesn’t make sense, but it’ll actually stop the bleeding way quicker like that, I don’t know why. I also don’t know how I know that. I think I have read it somewhere…or maybe Mason told me once…I don’t know,” he rambles, before realizing he really needs to get up. He rushes to the bathroom, coming back a couple of seconds later with a roll of toilet paper in his hand. “Here,” he says, ripping off a couple of pieces and giving them to Scott.

“Thanks,” Scott says, folding the paper over his nose.

Liam slumps down in front of him again, hands on the older guy’s knees. “I’m so sorry,” he repeats.

But Scott can’t help but smile. “It’s fine, you didn’t mean to,” he replies.

Liam smiles a little helplessly at him, raising his shoulders. A short silence falls between them where Scott checks if he’s still bleeding.

“Can’t believe you tried to kiss me and I punched you in the face,” Liam mumbles, head bowed.

Scott snickers. “Can’t believe I tried to flirt with you.”

“Is that why you were teasing me?!” Liam asks as he looks back up. “Gosh… We are awful.”

“Yeah…we have said that before, haven’t we?”

“No, that was boring.”

“Ah, yes,” Scott recalls. “Nice.”

Liam chuckles as well. “I don’t know why we’re like this.”

Scott pulls a face. “It’s probably because we’re trying to be something we’re not. Let’s face it, I can’t flirt.”

Liam looks away shyly. “That’s okay, you don’t have to.”

Scott grins, appreciating the moment. He dabs at his nose, finding that it has stopped gushing blood. Liam takes the paper from him and moves to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet. When he comes back, Scott shows him his face, turning to face different angles. “Does it look okay? Not crooked or anything?” he jokes.

Liam snorts. “No, you look fine. Don’t worry.”

“Great,” Scott replies, reaching over and touching Liam’s hand with his. “Now…can I get my kiss?” he asks in a low voice, lips pulled into a gentle smile.

Liam blushes, then nods. He bends forward and presses a kiss onto Scott’s mouth. Scott, in turn, quickly takes hold of Liam’s wrist and yanks him forward. The boy falls half on top of him, and half on the bed. Scott grins, rolling them over so that Liam is on his back.

“You’re quite reckless for someone who just got punched in the face,” Liam mentions.

Scott chuckles, propping himself up on his elbow, hovering over the boy slightly. He drapes his arm around Liam’s stomach, his thumb brushing against his side. His boyfriend squirms.

“Tickles,” Liam mumbles.

Scott’s scared his face will rip if he continues smiling the way he does, but he can’t help it. “Sorry,” he replies.

Liam looks away for a second, shifting a little on the bed, but doesn’t move away from Scott. He also doesn’t move closer, Scott notices. Quietly, the older one continues to stare into Liam’s eyes, examining the ocean that steadily seems to rock back and forth. Time seems to have frozen. There aren’t any noises in the background. It’s just them. His eyes hover over to the boy’s cheeks, which still look slightly flustered from the unexpected fall. His pupils continue their journey down towards Liam’s parted lips, which look incredibly soft. The smell of sour sweets tickles his nose.

Only then he notices the ragged tone in Liam’s breathing; the slight hitching of air that seems to have to force its way out of his body. Scott frowns a little, because he recognizes that tone; he has heard it before.

When he remembers, he falls onto his back. “So, what movie did you have in mind?” he asks.

Liam clears his throat and Scott notices the deep breath of air he inhales. “Gone Girl,” he answers, getting up. “It’s supposed to be really freaky. I read a review online that said it’ll make you go ‘what the fuck’ at least five times.”

 Scott sits up as well, rubbing his face. He smiles, content. “Sounds good.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

It’s Friday evening and Scott has just arrived at Liam’s house. Tonight is their film date with Mason and Brett, but Liam has texted Scott and asked if he can come over earlier. It sounds quite urgent. Needless to say, Scott’s fingers are trembling ever so slightly when he rings the doorbell. He is surprised when the door’s opened by someone else but his boyfriend.

“Scott, good evening.”

“Oh, hello, Dr. Dunbar,” the teenager says with raised eyebrows. He shifts his weight onto his other leg. “I’m…I’m here for Liam?”

Liam’s stepdad nods. “Film night, right?”

“Yeah, yeah…” Scott answers, smiling sheepishly. “I’m just…early.”

Dr. Dunbar narrows his eyes a little, but smirks nonetheless. “I see. Well, come on in,” he invites him, stepping aside. “Liam’s upstairs.”

Scott moves past the man with bowed head, muttering a thank you. He quietly puts his helm on the floor and quickly dribbles up the stairs. He feels anxious, finding it curious that Liam hasn’t come down to open up himself, especially since he’s so worried about Scott meeting his parents and, right now, Scott feels bad that he hasn’t had a chance to make a good impression on them yet. However, he pushes that feeling aside when he realizes there might be something more important to focus on right now.

His hand is on the door handle and he’s about to open Liam’s door when Scott debates if he should knock. For some reason he feels wrong if he doesn’t, so he does.

“Scott?” he hears from the other side of the door.

Scott’s eyes widen, because he immediately recognizes a certain undertone in Liam’s voice. “Yeah, it’s me,” he says before entering. “Are you-”

But he doesn’t have to finish that question when he lays eyes on his boyfriend.

Liam’ has crawled himself up in a ball on his bed, back against the headboard and knees pulled up to his chest. He sniffs, wiping his nose. “I’m sorry…”

There’s something in his hands that drains the colour from Scott’s face; makes his blood freeze in his veins. He’s next to Liam in a mere second, folding his arms around him.

“I’m sorry,” Liam repeats, biting his bottom lip. He doesn’t look up at Scott, but the older teen can tell from the wet streaks on his cheeks that he has been crying.

“It’s okay, I’m here now,” Scott mumbles into his hair. His throat feels dry, trembling hands covering his boyfriend’s. “It’s okay,” he assures him again, gently taking the shard of glass from between Liam’s fingers. It has a sharp point, but looks clean nonetheless. “Did you…?”

Liam slowly shakes his head. “I texted you instead,” he mutters, sniffing.

Scott exhales a deep breath, making Liam’s hair move. “Oh, Liam,” he whispers, hiding the shard in the palm of his hand so neither of them has to look at it anymore. “I’m proud of you.”

“I feel so bad, Scott.”

The teen frowns. “…Why?”

Liam takes a trembling breath, seemingly recollecting himself. Scott waits patiently for him to start talking. His free hand is comfortingly drawing circles on Liam’s shoulder. Liam has rested his forehead against the crook of Scott’s neck.

“I keep thinking about you and Allison,” Liam breaks the silence after a while.

Scott frowns, because he definitely did not see that one coming.

“I mean, that must have been so awful for you…” his boyfriend continues. “Losing her…”

Scott swallows, not really knowing what to say. Of course Allison’s passing had been awful, but it was also in the past. Yet, he feels weird reconciling Liam over something that happened to himself. How is he supposed to the boy it’s fine? That’s not something you say about your own heartache. Fortunately, Scott remembers that it is better for Liam if he just listens anyway. It has proven before that Scott’s words don’t really come through in situations like these. He just needs to convince Liam afterwards that everything is okay: that Scott isn’t upset and still likes him.

“And now I’m here, replacing her, and it’s just so unfair to you,” Liam continues to mumble hopelessly. “I mean, I never realized how confusing this all must have been for you…instead I was just being selfish and focused on my own problems.”

Scott squeezes him a little tighter against his chest, because he strongly disagrees with that statement.

“I’m such a jerk,” Liam chokes out, before he starts crying softly.

Scott continues to hold him calmly. At some point, he rocks them from side to side a little, attempting to comfort his boyfriend. There are little tears in his own eyes as well, but that’s probably just from the scare. He’s already glad that Liam didn’t hurt himself—if anything, he’s quite proud. But it’s also daunting to have been faced with the facts, which are that, generally, Liam might be doing better, but that that’s not an indication that it’s over. Not yet. And the only thing Scott can do is listen and be there for him, whilst secretly hoping that the fear of Liam ever taking his own life will eventually become irrational and finally will completely subside. In all honesty, the prospect of it seemed like such a long process.

However, Scott decides that he needs to keep faith. He also reminds himself of his promise to focus on the good things, so he inhales deeply through his nose, settling his nerves. “You’re not selfish. And you don’t have to feel bad for me,” he says, voice cracking a little.

Liam huffs, and Scott can tell he has stopped crying. “I know… I know that.”

Scott smiles gently, because Liam’s words confirm his speculations. At least Liam didn’t really think of himself as a selfish jerk. So Scott simply replies, “Okay.”

He loosens his grip when Liam attempts to sit up a bit more. He doesn’t move from the older one’s lap, though, just looks at him with bloodshot eyes. Scott smiles at him, and after Liam has wiped his cheeks dry, snorts back.

“Thank you for messaging me,” Scott says. “I’m honestly really proud of you.”

Liam smiles shyly, glancing sideways. “Thanks.”

Scott figures it doesn’t make the situation any less awkward or embarrassing for Liam, but at least they can handle it. At least Scott doesn’t have to confront him with fresh cuts. Besides, he understands that Liam isn’t sharing that contradicting feeling about himself right now; after all, it’s just the lesser of two evils. “Do you still want to do the date night?” Scott wonders.

“Yes, definitely,” Liam guarantees. “I’ll just go freshen up a little.”

“Okay.” Scott watches the tide for a beat longer, but then releases Liam from his safe haven.

The boy presses a timid kiss onto Scott’s cheek before he gets up and walks towards the bathroom. Scott allows himself to fall backwards onto the mattress, sighing heavily. He rubs his forehead, shaking the tension from his shoulders. Liam’s okay. It’s okay.

Only then he notices the light stabbing feeling in his hand. His eyes fall onto the shard of glass, turning it around a couple of times with his fingers. He wonders where Liam had gotten it, but doesn’t dare to ask. He also doesn’t really see how it would add to his understanding of the boy; it would only make things uncomfortable for Liam, so he decides not to ask him. Instead, he just puts it into his pocket, figuring that Liam has forgotten about it anyway.

A couple of minutes later, Liam comes back in. “Hey, could you give me a hand?” he asks.

Scott looks up. “Sure, with what?”

“Dragging the mattress from the guest bedroom into my room?” Liam’s cheeks redden. “I figured it would be more comfortable if everyone would have a bit more space.”

Scott cocks his head, unsure as to why Liam seems embarrassed by the suggestion, but seals his lips. He gets up and helps out, even though moving a mattress is the worst job in the world. Those things are like, really heavy.

Brett and Mason show up an hour later at the set time. Scott shakes Brett’s hand at the front door, looking up at the tall guy. He has a strong face and…doesn’t look really amused—but Scott’s not one to judge a book by its cover, so instead he tries to make a little small talk.

“Liam told me you play lacrosse as well?”

“Team captain,” Brett answers with a brief nod.

“Cool! Me too,” Scott replies. “So how are you guys doing this season?”

He hears Liam next to him exclaim a relieved sigh, and catches him exchanging a look with Mason.

“Dude, I have to tell you something,” Mason mentions to his best friend, urgency in his voice. “Someone else is transferring to Beacon High.”

Liam frowns in surprise, before turning to Scott. “We’re just gonna get some drinks and snacks. You and Brett go upstairs, yeah?”

Scott smiles. “Sure, no problem.” He motions for Brett to follow him and the guy obeys silently.

When they are in front of Liam’s room, Scott tells him to go in. “I’ll be back in a sec’, just have to go to the bathroom.”

After he is there, he locks the door. Scott rips off some toilet paper and takes the shard out of his pocket. He folds a couple of sheets around it and then puts it back. At least now it won’t stab him in the leg. He decides to just throw it into the trash when he’s home.

“So…how are you and Mason doing?” Scott asks after he has entered Liam’s bedroom. Brett is examining some of Liam’s lacrosse trophies. “All happy and in love?”

Brett shrugs. “I guess so,” he answers, upping one of his eyebrows. “You and Liam?”

Scott’s ears warm. “Yeah, we’re fine.”

Brett nods. “Great,” he says, continuing to look around the room casually.

Scott does the same, almost as if it’s his first time there. “We put down an extra mattress,” he points out. “You know, more comfortable and stuff.”

Brett hums, a smirk on his face. Scott grins up at him, thinking Brett’s unsocial behaviour is just because he’s a little shy.

Mason and Liam barge in a second later. There are bags of chips and popcorn, and cans of coke in their hands and under their arm. Liam even has a bag of Doritos in his mouth. Scott laughs, taking it from between Liam’s teeth. For a moment, he pauses. “You okay?” he asks in a low voice.

Liam nods confidently. “Yeah. Don’t worry.”

“So are you guys ready for…” Mason trails off, fishing a disc out of the pocket of his jacket.

Scott and Liam groan when they see the horror movie Mason has picked.

“Really?!” Liam asks with a helpless look on his face.

“Yeah, dude, of course,” Mason answers bluntly. “Horror movies are, like, the best ones for date nights.”

Again, Scott doesn’t understand why, but by the way Liam’s uncomfortably kicking his feet against the floor he assumes that his boyfriend disagrees.

Mason moves over to put the disc into Liam’s DVD player, turning on the TV as well. Brett settles himself on the mattress that’s on the floor and Scott does the same, but on Liam’s bed. He takes one of the cokes and opens it. Liam watches him and Scott catches his gaze. He smiles, patting the spot next to him. Liam obliges quietly, pulling the sleeves of his hoody over his hands.

When everything is set up, Mason switches of the light, chuckling deviously before throwing himself next to Brett. Scott turns towards the screen, focusing on the movie, which starts with a house in the woods. Cliché… But then Scott understands why Mason wants to watch a horror—there’s a chance one of them might get scared, which means the other gets to cuddle them. He looks over at the other couple, who already confirm that theory: Mason has cuddled up to Brett’s chest.

Scott glances at Liam, who is sat in a cross legged position, which means Scott can watch him unnoticed. He bends forward to grab a handful of popcorn, peeking over at the other two guys again. For a beat he considers cuddling up to Liam, but then decides he doesn’t want to force himself upon him, which is kind of ridiculous, since they’re in a relationship. For the first time, Scott understands Stiles’ argument when he had said Scott and Liam had moved fast. Add to that that Scott also doesn’t know if Liam is comfortable with public displays of affection and Stiles’ words become even truer. So for now, Scott is left with requiring an _excuse_ to initiate physical contact with his boyfriend and, so far, nothing interesting in the movie has happened yet.

To make matters worse, Scott realizes he isn’t really scared of horror films either. Usually he just finds them funny. Then again, that problem can easily be solved by just pretending that he is scared. And of course there’s always the possibility that Liam turns out to be terrified of them. Great, now Scott’s hoping that he is. Boyfriend of the year.

Anyway, the movie.

They’re forty-five minutes in when all the sound from the screen fades out, indicating that something is about to happen. Scott holds his breath, popcorn in front of his mouth. Mesmerized by the images on the screen, he shivers when he feels something tickle against his finger. He doesn’t have to look down to know it is Liam’s pinky finger trying to find his. Half-consciously, he entangles them, smiling slightly. In the background, he vaguely registers the sound of a soft kiss, coming from beside him.

The killer turns up from behind the main character, the sound effect blasting from the speakers and Liam jumps—literally _jumps_ , causing Scott to snicker and putting a hand onto his back soothingly. Liam looks back at him, chuckling shyly. Scott licks his lips in response, deciding to be bold and sticks out his arms invitingly. His boyfriend smiles, moving into his touch. Liam’s frame fits perfectly against Scott’s side, especially when the taller one snakes an arm around Liam’s shoulders. The boy settles in the crook of his neck, just like he had done earlier; cheek pressed against Scott’s collar bone.

They both simultaneously exhale a deep breath, and Scott isn’t sure if it’s from the earlier tension from the movie or from the loaded air between them where they, maybe, both had been waiting for the other to come closer. Nonetheless, Scott squeezes Liam a little tighter to his body and the boy moves to put his hand on Scott’s stomach. A bit tentative at first, but when Scott doesn’t move away from his touch, Liam palms his shirt. As extra encouragement, Scott put his own free hand over Liam’s, subtly letting him know it’s okay.

A couple of minutes later they are both coated in a very comfortable warmth; a softness that makes them incredibly lazy. The perfect circumstances for mindlessly watching a movie. A distant thought travels through Scott’s mind, thinking it’s probably good for Liam that he has some distraction after what had happened earlier.

He is pulled out of focus when the sound of wet kisses infiltrate his ears. Only moving his eyes, he glances from the corners, over at Mason and Brett, who have pulled a blanket over their bodies. Scott watches their brief make-out session, his stomach churning a little. Unsure if it’s from jealousy or disgust, he tries to revert his attention back to the movie.

Naturally, he can’t, because now his senses have focused in on what’s going on beside him rather than in front of him. He moves his hips a little and luckily Liam doesn’t move away from him. He sighs quietly, looking down at the top of Liam’s head. After a moment of debate, he presses a kiss into his hair. In response, Liam rubs his thumb over Scott’s stomach, ruffling the fabric of his shirt. It is then that Scott realizes this is the first time they have been intimate—casually intimate—and he notices that Liam isn’t as tense as he has been the times before, when Scott had hovered over him while they laid on Liam’s bed. Something in his lower body stirs and he wiggles his toes.

The credits roll onto the screen an hour later, and for a moment neither of the boys make any attempt in moving. In the end, Liam does, getting up to turn on the lights. Everyone rubs their eyes, groaning a little.

“That was a really good movie,” Mason comments mid-yawn.

Liam nods, crawling back onto the bed.

 “It was,” Scott acknowledges, even though he doesn’t really agree. It wasn’t scary at all.

“Anyway…” Mason says, getting up. “I think we should probably go.” He looks over at Brett, who has an intense look on his face as he nods.

Mason turns back to Liam and Scott pretends he doesn’t see Brett rearranging himself… _there._

“I’ll walk down with you,” Liam offers.

Mason nods. “Scott, nice to see you,” he says, giving him a quick hug.

“Yeah, nice to meet you, man,” Brett says after the two have ended their short embrace, extending a hand. Scott shakes it briefly, trying to be more casual than formal.

“Have a good one.”

Scott rolls his eyes at himself when they have turned the corner.

After a sigh, he flops backwards onto the bed. Absentmindedly, his fingers start playing with his hair as he doesn’t really think about anything in particular—too woozy from the movie and the comfortable position he has been in, in the past hour.

Liam comes back into the room a while later. “Man, those two are really into each other,” he says.

Scott snickers, watching his boyfriend lie down next to him. “Yeah, they must be really in love.”

“Well, I’m in love with you, but that doesn’t mean I have to kiss you every five minutes.”

Scott scoots down a little, so that he’s on the same level as Liam. He rolls onto his side and Liam does the same. “I wouldn’t mind if you did, though,” Scott replies in a bit more slow voice, staring into Liam’s eyes. “Just so you know…”

Liam snorts, pursing his lips together. He doesn’t reply to Scott’s comment, so they end up just staring at each other for a while. Scott watches the waves rock back and forth and after a couple of minutes wraps his arms around Liam. The boy raises his head so Scott can sneak his arm under his neck. He kisses Liam’s forehead while scooting a little closer, until he can feel the boy’s breath on his chin. Scott looks down at him, glancing at his soft looking lips a couple of times.

But then Liam’s chest twitches and suddenly Scott can hear that familiar constricted tone in Liam’s breathing. Three times is a charm, so he finally decides to comment on it.

“You’re nervous,” he voices his observation softly.

Liam continues to stare up at him, shrugging ever so slightly.

“You don’t have to be.”

His boyfriend averts his gaze for a second. “Well…I have to be a little…” His voice is barely a whisper. “I mean…we’re boyfriends…and…” He swallows. “…Really close, at the moment.”

Scott’s lips show a hint of a gentle smile. “Nothing has to happen if you don’t want to, you know.”

Liam’s eyes narrow a little. The tip of his tongue pokes out as he wets his lips. “Is that okay?”

Air leaves Scott’s lungs through his nose. His smile widens, showing teeth, and he nods confidently. “Of course it is. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

Liam mimics his expression and snuggles a bit closer to Scott’s chest. “Thanks,” he says. “And, to be honest, I don’t really know if I’m ready. I mean, I sort of want to…”

Scott’s fingers card through Liam’s hair. “It’s okay,” he says. “‘Sort of’ isn’t enough, anyway.”

Liam kisses his neck.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)   
> 

“Dude, I have great news,” Stiles says on Tuesday morning the week after.

They are at Scott’s locker, who is now giving an expectant look. His best friend looks excited.

“Malia and I are officially together.”

“Ah! That’s great!” Scott exclaims, instantly yanking Stiles in for a hug.

Stiles’ breath is squeezed from his lungs, pressed against his friend. “Thanks, man,” he chokes out.

“Now we can do double dates, just like Liam and I have done last Friday with Brett and Mason!”

Stiles scoffs. “Okay, but calm down, yeah? I want to spend some alone time with her as well.”

Scott blinks at him, before he grimaces. “Ah, really?”

“What?!” Stiles replies in a defensive tone. “Don’t tell me you and Liam haven’t pulled on each other’s-”

“ _Stiles_.”

The boy chuckles. “Fine,” he recedes, rolling his eyes. Yet, he only shuts up for a second. “Seriously though, have you yet? Because if you have, I wanna know.”

“No, we have not,” Scott admits, followed by a light shrug. “We’re not ready yet, which is fine. And of course, you’re the first one I would tell.” He chuckles. “I’d probably call you the same night. Remember when Allison and I had done stuff with each other for the first time?”

Stiles swoons, “Vividly. You were in the bathroom when you called me, only minutes after.”

Scott smiles shyly and Stiless wraps an arm around his shoulders as they start walking to their first class of the day. “You know, I’d tell you first, too,” Stiles says.

Scott snickers, a deep frown on his face. “That’s alright, I think I’m good.”

“We’re best friends!” Stiles immediately exclaims. “Why would you not want to know about my sex life?”

“Because…” Scott argues. “…I don’t need to picture you and Malia naked, going at it.”

Stiles holds his pace, giving him a weird look. “Wait…so you’re saying that’s _not_ normal…?”

Scott rolls his eyes, laughing at his friend. “You’re the worst.”

They enter their class, sitting down next to each other in one of the middle rows.

“So do you wanna hang out tonight? Just the two of us?” Stiles asks, taking books out of his backpack. “It has been a while.”

“I know it has,” Scott acknowledges, but there’s already an apologetic tone in his voice. “But I can’t do tonight, because Liam’s coming over and we’re cooking my mom dinner.”

Surprisingly, Stiles doesn’t seem to mind. Instead, he asks, “Oh, does that mean your mom and Liam are going to meet for the first time?”

“Yes.” Scott nods, opening his notebook. “And please don’t start with me, because Liam’s already really nervous, and I can’t be nervous as well.”

Stiles’ eyes narrow. “Are you, though?”

“Terrified.”

That afternoon, after school, Scott picks Liam up from the library. They share an awkward oh-god-how-do-I-greet-my-boyfriend-in-public moment again and Scott makes a mental note to bring that up sometime in the near future. He needs to know how Liam feels about public displays of affection. Personally, Scott doesn’t really mind, which means he doesn’t mind to greet Liam with a kiss—he doesn’t feel the need to lick his face off every five minutes. He shivers at the mental image of countless couples who he has seen doing that.

The boys need to go grocery shopping first, for the McCall’s fridge is empty and Scott couldn’t be bothered to go by himself the day before. Liam doesn’t seem to mind; the boy’s talking endlessly, which Scott finds a little odd. Yet, he guesses Liam’s starting to become his old self again, which means Scott might be faced with some surprises. Not that he expects Liam’s entire personality to shift, but the boy may contain certain traits Scott hasn’t seen before.

Or maybe he’s just nervous about tonight.

They shuffle through the store and at the wine aisle, Scott pauses. Suddenly, he regrets not being old enough yet, because he would have loved to buy his mom a nice bottle of red—even if it was from her own money, that she had left him on the kitchen table this morning. All they have in the cupboard is cheap wine. Scott’s stomach churns again at the thought of his mom and Liam meeting, then frowns at the bottles in front of him and finally decides it’s ridiculous that he wants his mom drunk to make sure she’ll be nice.

After all, his mom’s always nice.

They arrive at his house half an hour later, carrying the groceries inside.

“So you really only know how to make pasta?” Liam asks after he has put the bags down.

Scott huffs, taking off his coat. “Sort of. I don’t know. Mom makes it a lot, okay? So it’s really the only thing I picked up.” He turns around to his boyfriend staring at him with a cheeky smile. Scott shakes his head, realizing he hadn’t caught up on Liam’s humor. “At least you’re making jokes again,” he says, moving past Liam. He gets an apron from one of the drawers and throws it at Liam’s head.

The boy swiftly catches it, looking it over before putting it on. He turns his back to Scott, who in the meantime has started unloading the groceries. His back nudges Scott’s shoulder and the guy doesn’t understand at first, but then he notices the loose ends. He ties them in a knot, fingers lingering on Liam’s spine afterwards. He sneaks his arms around the boy’s waist, holding him tight for a moment.

Liam squirms. “Stop,” he chuckles, “your breath’s tickling my neck.”

Scott snickers, purposely blowing a little more air onto his skin until his boyfriend has finally managed to free himself from Scott’s grip.

“Come on, give me a job,” he says, suddenly cheerful again.

Scott throws the empty bags into the bin, before narrowing his eyes at him. “Have you taken some kind of sedative or something?”

Liam gives him a look, before firing back, “Oh, ‘sedative’ where did you pick up that word?”

Scott raises his eyebrows, offended, but then averts his gaze and answers in a mumbling tone, “Biology…”

Liam snickers, so Scott slaps him with a tea towel. “Seriously though, are you drunk?”

“No…” Liam answers in a whiney voice. “I’m just so nervous that I’m starting to get hyper, so just tell me what to do so I can have something on my hands.”

“You can rolls balls out of the minced meat,” Scott says, getting a chopping board himself. “‘Cause I’m not letting you around knives when you’re being like this,” he follows up in a low voice.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

Scott grins, starting to cut the vegetables, ignoring his boyfriend.

“I’m pretty sure this is the first couple-y thing we have ever done together,” Liam breaks the silence after a while.

“What do you mean?” Scott replies with a frown. “We have been swimming, watched movies, hung out with your best friend.”

“Those aren’t really couple-y things, though.”

Scott scoffs. “Then what are ‘couple-y’ things?”

“You know…” Liam trails off. “Stuff like this…cooking together, going grocery shopping together, maybe doing the washing up together…”

“Well, someone’s having domestic feelings…”

Liam groans playfully. “Oh, come on, you know what I mean.”

Scott smiles, not looking up from his knife. “Yeah, I do. And we can do stuff like that more often if you want to.”

“Cool.”

Scott realizes this is one of their first unloaded, casual conversations. He glances at his boyfriend, watching him prepare the food. If this is going to be the ‘other side’ of his relationship with Liam, Scott’s definitely up for it. It makes all the bad things worthwhile.

The front door opens and closes, and Scott’s heart skips a beat. He looks behind himself, catching his mom poke her head around the corner.

“Well, hello! How’s it going, my little chefs?” she asks in a playful tone, before moving towards the youngest one in the kitchen. “You must be Liam,” she says, smiling gently. “I’m Melissa. It’s nice to finally meet you. Scott has told me a _lot_ about you.” She not-so-subtle flicks her eyes towards her son, who shakes his head disapprovingly.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Mrs. McCall,” Liam stutters. “I… I would shake your hand, but…” He shows his meat covered fingers.

Melissa brushes it off. “Oh, that’s alright. We’ll do the formalities later. I have to go take a shower anyway,” she says, before shooting a quick wink and vanishing up the stairs.

Right after she has left the kitchen, Liam exhales a breath so deep Scott’s surprised his lungs haven’t exploded before. He snickers, nudging his boyfriend with his elbow.

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?”

Liam frowns at him. “The evening hasn’t even started yet. Anything could still go wrong.”

Scott presses a kiss onto his cheek. “It won’t. I promise.”

They continue their cooking in silence, both in their own thoughts. Every so often, Scott can hear Liam breathing heavily, like he’s trying to calm himself down. As he has done often in the past week, Scott wonders why the boy’s so incredibly nervous. Liam looks like he has to give a presentation or something. But, yet again, Scott decides not to comment on it. He knows the boy well enough now to know it will only agitate him even more. So instead, Scott decides to distract him.

“Stiles wants to go out with us sometime,” he says. “He and Malia finally got together, and I think after he heard that we had that film night with Mason and Brett, he feels a bit jealous.”

“Jealous?” Liam repeats, meanwhile washing his hands.

Scott shrugs. “Yeah, you know, not really jealous, but more like Stiles-jealous. We haven’t really hung out last week, so I think he just misses me.”

Liam’s eyebrows knit together. “After a week?”

Scott chuckles, stirring the sauce in the pan. “Yup. You mustn’t forget that we used to hang out every day, literally. We’re like brothers.”

Liam hesitates, but then asks, “I haven’t gotten between you, have I?”

Scott instantly shakes his head. “Nah. He has Malia to distract him now anyway.” He shows a gentle smile. “I think it’s just because we got together before they did. Like, he wouldn’t have noticed if it would have been the other way around.”

“Makes sense,” Liam replies, nodding and drying his hands with a towel. “And I’d like to do something with them,” he admits. “It’s just that…Malia is a bit...intimidating.”

Scott snorts. “I know what you mean, but to be honest, she wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s just really straight-forward, but that also means you won’t ever find her talking behind your back or something.”

Liam nods. “I do like Lydia,” he offers.

“She’s great,” Scott agrees. “Really open.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Liam refers back to when she had told him about her father.

Scott thinks for a moment, but then asks, “What happened to your dad? I mean, your real dad?”

The question comes a little out of the blue, so at first Liam just shrugs lightly while taking some plates from one of the cupboards above his head. Then, he answers, “He and my mom got divorced when I was young. Apparently he had met someone else and freaked out when my mom said she was pregnant. Shortly after she met my stepdad. So for all I know, he’s my real dad.”

Scott nods. “I get that. So you don’t really miss your other dad, do you?”

“Not at all,” Liam answers, putting down the plates and grabbing some cutlery. “My stepdad taught me how to play lacrosse, lectures me when I do something wrong, he sometimes helps out with my homework…he’s great.”

Scott, seeing an opening, quickly decides to hell with his earlier vow. “From the few times I’ve spoken to him he sounds really nice,” he replies. “I wouldn’t mind getting to know him even better.”

Liam pauses his actions and looks up at him. “I know, and I’m sorry I’m so weird about you meeting him and my mom.”

“Yeah…” Scott hesitates. “Why is that again?”

Liam narrows his eyes a little. “It’s a puberty thing,” he answers.

“So…Mason told you-”

“Yup.”

Scott guiltily averts his gaze to the floor. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry. I understand,” Liam says after having chuckled

Scott purses his lips inwards before promising, “Next time I’ll ask you first.”

Liam shrugs it off. “It’s fine. I could’ve just told you.” He sighs, licking his lips and falling silent for a moment.

Scott figures the conversation has ended, so he goes back to cooking.

However, Liam continues, “And to answer your question… The reason I’m wary about my parents meeting people is because I’m scared something embarrassing might come up.”

Scott gives him a weird look.

“Not, like, something I should be ashamed off,” Liam explains with a roll of his eyes. “Just…after my big outburst last year they were so disappointed and worried… We’re finally in a good place again and I’m just scared that something’s going to come up and wreck that. I mean, I’m pretty sure I haven’t done anything wrong lately, but I’m just scared something that I haven’t thought about is brought up and they go back to being disappointed in me.”

Scott’s lips have formed a crooked smile. “Alright…then I understand,” he responds after a beat.

“I hope you don’t mind…”

“No, of course not,” Scott assures him. “We’ll take that step when you’re ready, it’s fine. I just hope they don’t think of me as some creeper or something.”

Liam frowns. “Of course not!” he utters. “I do talk about you, you know.” A teasing grin grows on his face. “…Just like you do about me to your mom.”

Scott throws his head back, laughing. “Oh, well done.”

Liam chuckles. “She isn’t very subtle is she?”

“Not at all.”

They snicker while Liam finishes setting up the table and Scott continues cooking. When their little noises have died out, Scott softly says, “But just so you know…I would never say something bad about you in front of your parents.”

Liam grants him a thankful look. “I know.”

“Hmm, something smells good in here,” Melissa says as she enters the kitchen.

Both boys blush as she looks over Scott’s shoulder at the stove. “Oh, I’m definitely having a glass of wine with that.” She squeezes his arm, while Scott shakes his head.

After she has sat down at the table, Liam awkwardly glances at her. Scott watches him, instantly bothered by the sense of unease that is dripping off of his boyfriend’s aura. He’s about to say something when Liam does something unexpected.

“Scott told me you’re a nurse,” the boy offers in a quiet voice. “My… My stepdad’s a doctor.”

“Really?” Melissa replies after having taken a sip of her wine. “At Beacon Hills Hospital?”

Liam hums. “Neurology.”

“Ah, yes, of course!” Melissa seems to realize. “Dr. Dunbar! I never figured you’re his son, which is…weird, because you share the same last name.” She turns at Scott, frowning at him. “How have I never made that connection?”

Scott shrugs, smiling. His mom is clearly making an effort to try and make Liam feel more comfortable and Scott appreciates that.

“Do you see him a lot?” Melissa turns back to Liam. “I’m pretty sure he works the same killing hours as I do sometimes.”

“Yeah, but it’s okay,” Liam answers, nodding. “My mom has this rule that we at least have to have dinner together, so we can spend family time.”

Melissa pulls a face. “Ah oh, I hope she won’t be upset about tonight then.”

Liam chuckles, blushing. “Nah, she’s fine.”

They continue to chat a bit more. The whole time, Scott listens to them, feeling a little lightheaded, because it actually seems like his mom has managed to make Liam feel more at ease. He lousily grins at the stove.

Dinner is served a couple of minutes later, and a sense of relief washes over Scott when he takes a bite and finds the spaghetti actually tastes good. His mom compliments him and Liam as well.

Liam has his head bowed at the table and is twisting the pasta around his fork. “It’s definitely better than the one you gave me the day after Valentine’s Day,” he mutters, a smile painting his lips.

Scott’s ears warm, glancing up at his mother, who doesn’t immediately seem to get what Liam’s exactly referring to, but then her eyes widen.

“That was my fault,” she says, holding up her hands. “I should not have assumed that Scott would know to heat it up and that cold spaghetti isn’t eatable.”

Scott’s mouth falls open at his mother’s sarcastic accusation. “What?! As if you had even thought about that! Besides, where was I supposed to heat it up? It’s not like our canteen has a microwave!”

Melissa pouts at him, whereas Scott goes for a dramatic eye roll. Next to them, Liam is quietly snickering, pretending to be consumed by his dinner. Scott and his mom glance at him simultaneously and Melissa grins.

“Scott, I can’t believe it, his first evening here and Liam’s already trying to drive a wedge between us,” she jokes.

“I know! I have never seen this devious side of him,” Scott says with a faked undertone of shock. “I’m not sure if I like it…”

Liam’s cheeks visibly redden and something pops inside of Scott’s chest, like a piñata full of sweetness and confetti, filling him with sparkles and excitement. He softly kicks Liam’s foot under the table, nudging him, before resting his calf on Liam’s shin, slightly rubbing up and down. Scott realizes he will never be able to share this joke with his friends, because it’s incredibly lame. Literally no one would find the retelling of them funny, but to the three of them it’s the first they ever make and it fills the kitchen with a sense of family. The room doesn’t sound as hollow anymore and Scott’s and his mom’s words don’t bounce off the walls anymore. And when his dad would be there, it would always feel too crowded. The atmosphere would be pressing down on them: tense and heavy.

But now, with Liam, the air’s much lighter and it gives Scott a sense of home.

After dinner, Melissa announces that, since the boys have cooked, they also have to do the dishes. Both Scott and Liam need to take a moment to reconsider that logic, and in those spare seconds Melissa speeds off into the living room, leaving Scott and Liam to feel tricked.

“Oh, she’s good,” Liam comments, starting to clear the table.

“Yep. She is,” Scott admits, filling the sink with water and adding some washing up liquid. “You get used to it, though.”

Liam nods. “She is funny, though.”

Scott smiles, putting the plates and cutlery that Liam has collected into the warm water. “So, I take it you had fun?”

“I did,” Liam answers honestly, leaning his back against the counter, arms folded in front of his chest. “Your mom’s really nice. I like her.”

“I told you,” Scott replies in a matter-of-fact tone, putting the dripping plates in the drying rack on his other side.

Liam stares at the hallway, where the living room is on the other side. Scott figures he’s having a moment—a good one—so decides to keep silent. That is, until Liam turns his head towards the sink.

“You know, you could help by drying off,” Scott comments. “You’re the one who said he wanted to do more couple-y stuff.”

“Yeah…” Liam breathes. “I think I’m taking that back.”

Scott looks up at him, grinning. He catches Liam’s face in his hands, before pressing a deep kiss onto his lips. Soon, Liam’s face is covered in soapy bubbles, housing a deep frown under them. “Fine, I’ll help,” he mutters, wiping himself clean with the tea towel Scott grants him.

After the kitchen’s spotless, the boys go upstairs to Scott’s room. Slightly tired and still a bit rosy from their filled stomachs, they flop onto Scott’s bed. It only takes Scott a second to fold an arm around Liam’s neck and for the boy to rest his head on the guy’s chest. Scott’s fingers start lazily carding through Liam’s soft hair, while the boy stares up at him.

“What’s that from?” he asks after a while, brushing the tip of his finger along a mark on the side of Scott’s soft cheek. “I’ve never noticed that before.”

“Tried to catch a lacrosse ball from Stiles when I was eleven,” Scott answers. “It was in the house. We used to have a glass coffee table and I fell right into it, cut my cheek and ended up needing three stitches.”

“Oh,” Liam whispers. Scott can feel his warm breath against his chin. “Do you have more?”

Scott snorts at the weirdness of that question, but slightly pulls up the hem of his shirt. After lowering his pants a little, he shows a scar on his hip. “Fell off a skateboard mid-air once. I scraped myself all the way down the bowl.”

Liam hisses. “I didn’t know you board.”

“I used to,” Scott says. “Not as much anymore now.”

“Because of the fall?”

“Nah, just don’t feel like it anymore.”

Liam hums, moving his hand over Scott’s ribcage and watching his own thumb mess with the fabric of Scott’s shirt. They lie like that for a while longer, silently and sleepy.

“That’s something I find awkward sometimes,” Liam mentions quickly, bursting their blissful bubble.

“Hmm? What?” Scott wonders, confused.

“Like, what if people will ask about my scars someday?”

Scott’s fingers entangle themselves from Liam’s hair and rub his spine.

“I thought of that the other day,” Liam tells. “What if I have children someday and they ask me about it? What am I supposed to tell them, you know?” He sighs. “That must be really awkward.”

Scott nods understandingly, to show he’s listening.

“I really shouldn’t cut anymore.”

The older one smiles, squeezing his boyfriend a little tighter against himself. “Even scars fade, you know,” Scott says. “They won’t ever go away completely, but they do fade a little…” He licks his lips. “In summer, your skin will tan…and then in winter it will go away again, evening out the pigment,” he explains. “And maybe the hair on your arms will become a little darker… I think that, eventually, you’ll have to look really closely if you want to notice them.”

“Like my thoughts?”

Scott’s smile broadens. “Yeah…like your thoughts.”

Liam thinks about that for a moment, but then looks up at Scott again. He stares at him. “Thanks,” he says.

Scott shrugs lightly, turning his head in a slightly awkward angle so that he can look down into Liam’s eyes. “Thank you, too.”

Liam snorts, upping a brow. “For what?”

“For meeting my mom,” Scott answers. “For once it felt nice to have three people at the table.”

Liam blushes. “Has Stiles never had dinner with you and your mom?”

“Don’t ruin it. You know what I mean.”

Liam chuckles. “I do.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

“So how was the big date?” Stiles asks the following morning. He’s at Scott’s locker and clearly been waiting for him.

“It was…” Scott’s eyebrows knit together as he pretends to consider his words very carefully. “…Amazing.”

Stiles grins.

“Really, it was great. My mom was just awesome…”

“As per usual.”

Scott nods. “…And Liam even made a joke, you know, about the lunch I gave him after Valentine’s.”

“Ah yes, I remember that one,” Stiles says with a smug look. “I’m glad it went well, man.”

Scott’s signature smile is everlasting. He opens his locker, switching out books from his bag. “Thanks, me too.”

“But, now on to other important things,” he changes the subject, turning to his best friend. “I say: you, me and Call of Duty. Tomorow night, your place.”

Stiles thinks about that for a second before firmly declining the offer with a blunt “No.”

Scott raises his eyebrows.

“If we’re doing it at mine’s, then we’re playing Star Wars Battlefront.” He smirks.

Scott groans, slumping his shoulders. “Ah, man. You know I have never seen Star Wars.”

“Exactly. You’re a disgrace and deserve to suffer, besides, you said this date is all about me, so  I can pick.”

“I never said-”

“You implied it. Let’s face facts here: you feel guilty for not having spent time with me lately and I’m going to take advantage of that.”

Scott rolls his eyes, but submits. “Fine. We’ll play Star Wars, but you’re not allowed to get annoyed at me when I ‘m confused as to what’s going on or don’t know who is who or whatever.”

“Deal.”

Scott meets Liam during lunch later that day. He has picked a table in a far corner of the cafeteria, pretending to ignore his friends, who are sat some feet away, giggling and waving at him. At some point, Scott is pretty sure he hears Stiles say the words “without each other”, followed by a “pathetic” from Malia. Lydia is the only one who seems to defend him, because she has her hand folded over her chest again. Scott guesses she’s promoting his and Liam’s cuteness.

The teenager shrugs it off, distracted by his boyfriend, who has just entered. Scott waves at him and Liam smiles, which obviously makes Scott smile and in those forty steps that Liam takes to get to him they are both silly smiling idiots.

“Hey,” Liam greets him while Scott pulls out the chair next to him.

They share a hesitant moment, followed by an awkward hug, reminding Scott of something he wanted to bring up.

“How do you feel about public displays of affection?” he asks, blunt as always.

“Oh, disgusting,” Liam answers, taking his lunch out of his backpack.

Scott’s face falls.

“All those couples jamming their tongues down each other’s throats makes me gag. Oh! And even worse are the ones that have this possessive need to peck each other’s lips every thirty seconds, ugh,” he rambles with a sickened look on his face.

But then he looks up at sees Scott’s sad eyes.

“Oh... You meant for us, didn’t you?”

Scott nods slowly. “Yeah…”

Liam averts his gaze.

“I just asked, because, you know, when we see each other at school it’s always so…uncomfortable.”

“You mean when we greet each other?”

“So you have noticed it too?”

“Your shoulder in my face is hard to miss,” Liam jokes.

Scott blushes. “Sorry. It’s just…I see you and I want to kiss you, but I don’t know how you feel about that, so then I want to go for a hug, but then I start questioning that as well, so I just end up being this tall mess…” A hopeless sigh escapes from his lungs. “...And apparently body slam you in the face.”

Liam chuckles. “Look at you, overthinking stuff.”

Scott responds by playfully elbowing him, eyes trained on his peanut butter sandwiches. It stays quiet between them for a moment.

“I think I can be alright with a kiss,” Liam offers.

A smile tugs on the corners of Scott’s lips. “Really?”

Liam shrugs. “Yeah, as long as it doesn’t turn into a full-on make out session.”

“Have we ever had a full-on make out session?”

“I see your point.”

Scott’s smile turns into a smirk, seeing a chance to semi-tease back. With heated cheeks, he prompts, “You know…that’s something new we could try as well, sometime…”

Now it’s Liam’s turns to appear extensively interested by his lunch, his ears red. “I know…” he mumbles. “You don’t think I haven’t thought about that?”

Scott’s aware of his heart thumping against his ribcage. In one quick motion he has pressed a kiss onto Liam’s cheek. The boy moves his hands in front of his chest and rubs his upper arms.

Amused by Liam’s discomfort, Scott says, “We’re awful, aren’t we?”

That breaks some of the ice, because Liam laughs and instantly replies, “I’m surprised you still have the guts to flirt with me, considering what happened last time.”

“Oh, God,” Scott utters at the memory, covering his nose. “Please be careful.”

Liam chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re a jerk. And, yes, we are awful.” He nods his head towards Scott’s friends, who are staring at them with cheeky smiles. “Awfully cute.”

On Friday evening, Scott pats the cold from his clothes. He shivers as he takes off his jacket, telling his best friend that it’s freezing.

“Yeah, you should be careful driving back tonight. I think they forecasted frost on the road in some parts of the country,” Stiles replies, waiting for Scott to come upstairs with him.

“You’ll have to take me home then. I can’t drive my bike when there’s frost; way too dangerous.”

“Eh, we’ll see if it actually happens,” Stiles waves it off. “Ready for Star Wars?”

Scott sighs. “As ready as I ever will be.”

“You’ll be fine. It’s a good game, honestly.”

“I just don’t get what the fuss is about.”

Stiles gives him a look before they enter his bedroom. “That’s because you’ve never seen any of them.”

Scott shrugs, unimpressed, but is nonetheless excited to have a night with his best friend again. To be fair, Stiles had been right when he said it had been quite a while.

“Have you heard from your dad?” Stiles asks when they are half an hour into the game.

Scott shakes his head, eyes not moving from the screen. They are both sat cross legged on the floor. “Nah, not really. I think he called mom once and told her to say hi to me, but that’s it.”

“Ah, very personal.”

“Yup.”

“And Liam?”

“Hmm?”

“Has anything happened lately?”

Scott knows what Stiles is referring to. “Last week he texted me to come over. I found him crying… It was a bad one.”

Stiles flicks his eyes over at his friend. “Was that the first time you saw him…you know…like _that_?”

“Kind of,” Scott answers in all honesty. “I mean, at the end of our first date at the swimming pool he had one as well, but it wasn’t that extreme.”

“Extreme?”

Scott sighs. “When I was comforting him I found a shard of glass in his hands. I took it from him.”

That’s when Stiles pauses the game and fully turns his attention to his friend. “Glass?” he repeats. “You mean…as in…he uses that to…”

Scott shows a brief nod. “Yeah.”

“Man…that is…” Stiles licks his lips. “I mean, we never wondered how he did it, like, what he does it with…that must have been shitty to find out…”

“It was,” Scott replies.

He notices a small weight lifting off his shoulders. Scott frowns, because he hadn’t anticipated how good it was going to feel to admit that to someone. It reminds him that he needs to take care of himself; that Liam’s depression doesn’t just have an effect on him alone, but also on Scott. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It just means that Scott has to keep in mind to talk about what he and his boyfriend go through. After all, it isn’t normal to take a sharp object from your boyfriend’s hands, even more so when he uses said object to hurt himself. Something like that is bound to have an impact.

“What did you do with it?” Stiles asks.

“I kept it and threw it into the bin at home,” Scott answers. “I didn’t want Liam to have it, obviously.”

Stiles purses his lips before asking, “Where do you think he got it?”

Scott shrugs slowly. “I don’t know… Maybe he just accidentally broke a glass sometime and just kept a piece?”

Stiles nods, staring at him with a hard look. “Eh, doesn’t really matter either. What matters is, did he ask for it back afterwards?”

Scott shakes his head. “Even now he hasn’t mentioned it.”

“At least that’s a good sign,” Stiles says. “Could mean that he really doesn’t want to do it anymore.”

“He told me that he doesn’t, actually,” Scott tells. “Which I think is really something. I mean, just a couple of months ago he was saying cutting himself wasn’t a big deal.”

“Wow, yeah, that does mean something,” Stiles acknowledges. “Sounds like he really is changing.”

Scott nods, smiling gently. “He is. I notice it in every little thing. Like, he actually asks for my help now, which is great.”

Stiles scoffs. “Remember when you basically had to corner him for him to open up to you?”

“I’m so glad that time’s over.”

“Me too.” Stiles smiles at him before pressing the ‘Start’ button on his controller again. “And now everything’s perfect.”

Scott mimics his friend’s movement and turns back to the games as well. “Yeah…everything’s perfect,” he breathes softly.

It’s a little before midnight and after he has literally felt the asphalt and has checked the weather app on his phone if it isn’t freezing, Scott decides it’s safe for him to drive home. He wishes Stiles good night, hugging him tightly for a moment.

“Text me when you’re home, yeah?” Stiles says. “And if you ever need to talk about something that happened with Liam, just call.” He winks.

The thoughtful gesture makes Scott’s heart warm, feeling blessed for having a friend in his life that knows him so incredibly well. “Thanks. I will,” he replies with a smile.

Stiles’ words follow Scott all the way to his house; repeating themselves in his mind. He really should be more open about what he and Liam sometimes go through. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows; which is kind of a hypocritical thing to think as well, because up until two weeks ago it had literally only been thunderstorms and hurricanes. After all, it was natural for Scott to focus on the positive, he’s still an optimist, but that doesn’t mean he should neglect himself. No, realizing that he had skipped meals had really caught his attention. Especially since it had been accidental: Scott hadn’t even noticed. Thinking back now, it still seems crazy to him. Especially since one could argue it’s a form of self-harming—not eating, because you feel guilty and subconsciously punishing yourself—which means he and Liam would actually be very similar. Still, Scott’s able to see the irony, because it also shows that there might be much more going on beneath the surface than people think of themselves. Then again, looking at it from that point of view everyone could have a predisposition for depression.

Maybe that’s true. Maybe that’s why depression is like the weather; no one really notices the clouds until it starts raining. Or at least in Scott and Liam’s case that’s true.

The guy steps into his bedroom and starts undressing himself. After sending Stiles a message that he’s home, he steps into his bed and covers himself with the sheets. His body safely tucked in, he does the same with his thoughts; putting them deeper into his mind, where they are in the background, but not forgotten.

He is about to tumble off the edge and fall asleep when he’s alerted by the buzzing of his phone on the nightstand. At first thinking it’s just a text back from Stiles, Scott ignores it. But when the sound becomes more rhythmic, he moves and picks up the device. Upon seeing the name on the display, Scott frowns.

“Liam?” he asks groggily.

“Scott?”

At the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, Scott quickly sits up. He rubs his forehead. “Hey, yeah, it’s me. Are you-”

“They know,” Liam interrupts him. He sniffs and Scott can clearly hear he’s trying to keep his voice from breaking.

Scott frowns. “What? What do you mean? Who knows what?” He swallows and notices his throat has run dry.

“My parents,” Liam chokes out, a sob escaping from his throat. “My mom found my notebook. The one I use to vent. The one with the letter to myself. The letter you told me to write.”

Scott’s heart sinks into his stomach as Liam starts crying.

“They know I have cut myself, Scott. They know I want to die,” the boy utters between sobs. “They know.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)  
> 

Scott quickly steps out of his bed, throwing on whatever clothes are in his reach. His heart is beating at a hundred miles an hour, his forehead feeling hot.

“Where are you? Are you at home?” he asks in a voice that’s thick with worry.

“No… No, I’m not,” Liam cries. “I couldn’t stay there. They… I told them everything and Scott… Scott, the look on their faces…”

“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Scott attempts to shush him. “I’m coming. Just tell me where you are.” He’s already fully dressed and out of his bedroom.

It remains silent on the other end of the line and Scott thinks that it would be a real dick move if Liam decides _now_ is the time to shut Scott out again. No. No, he wouldn’t do that. He has to answer. After everything they’ve been through, Scott refuses to give up now. His legs twist in awkward angles as he tries to keep quiet on his way down the stairs, scared to wake up his mom. “Liam?” he asks as he picks up his two helmets, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder.

“Scott, I don’t think I can go through this again…”

“Where are you?” Scott just repeats, stepping into the cold air and closing the front door behind him. His breath forms small clouds in front of his mouth. He hears Liam sniff and repress a sob, so Scott repeats his question again, but this time there’s a pleading undertone in his voice, “Just tell me where you are…” He jogs to the edge of the road, putting his helmets down on the pavement, and runs back to get his bike.

“The lacrosse field,” the answer finally sounds.

Scott briefly shuts his eyes, puffing out a relieved breath. “I’ll be there in ten,” he assures him. “Just…just stay where you are, okay?”

Liam hums softly.

Scott wants to tell him not to do anything stupid, but he’s scared he might put ideas into the boy’s head, so instead he reluctantly kills the connection and gets on his bike.

Trees and houses rush past him and in a blink of an eye he’s at school. In the distance, he can see the faint contours of what’s supposed to be his boyfriend. Scott takes off his helmet and tosses it over his steering wheel, the other following after it.

Liam’s sitting on the bottom row of the bleachers, head falling forward, mesmerized by the grass under his shoes. Scott runs up to him, his heart still beating against his ribcage. His boyfriend looks like a limp pile of hopelessness and if Scott thought seeing him on the verge of cutting himself was bad, this is definitely worse. When he reaches him, Scott instantly gathers him into his arms. Liam’s hoodie has an invisible layer of cold on it, which Scott tries to brush away with his hand. He hears him sniff, so Scott assumes Liam’s crying again, but Scott doesn’t know what to say. What _should_ he say? “Hey, how are you?”, “I’m glad you’re still alive”, “I love you”? Yes. Yes, of course he loves him. Of course Scott loves Liam. Oh, God… he loves him… And of course he has to realize that _now_. He isn’t going to say it. Not here. The moment has to be nice…and perfect. Like when they first kissed, after their first date, when they went swimming for the first time, when Scott opened up about his dad for the first time, when he realized how crazily in love he is for the first time. It should be like that. Like a sum of firsts. Special. Memorable.

“They know,” Liam whispers, pulling Scott out of his thoughts.

Scott squeezes him.

“Let’s go home, okay…?” he offers. “It’s warm and we can talk there.”

He can hear Liam swallow. “I… I, err…” his words come out in small puffs of air. “I hurt my ankle.”

Scott loosens his grip so he can look down at Liam’s feet, which actually look normal. “What happened?” he asks, confused.

“I twisted it.”

“How?”

Liam huffs out a breath, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

Worry grows on Scott’s face again. “How did you twist your ankle?”

“Don’t be mad…”

“What?”

“Don’t be mad.”

“Liam, what happened?” Scott accidentally slips up. He has never sounded so impatient.

“I fell.”

“From what…?”

“The floodlight.”

Scott’s eyebrows knit together and he looks up. The moonlight draws out figures in the darkness of the night and Scott can just about make out the steel handlebars on the pole. Maintenance workers use them to climb up to the lights when they need to be fixed, he knows. There’s a small platform under the lamps. You can just about see when you’re standing underneath it.

And then Scott realizes how Liam had hurt his ankle and what he had tried to do.

“They read my suicide note.” The boy’s voice breaks.

Scott swallows, thoughts racing through his mind. “Your…” He clears his throat. “Your note?”

Liam shrugs lightly. “I wasn’t going to actually do it… It was just… I used it to vent.”

Scott licks his lips, humming softly to let Liam know he’s listening, but, again, he doesn’t know what to say. He kind of wants to ask what it said, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t because, right now, his boyfriend had actually taken a solid step towards ending his own life and that’s too much and Scott doesn’t really know how to deal with that, because once upon a time they were looking up at the galaxy and the next moment Liam is falling from it and Scott’s meant to be the ground, but isn’t. He isn’t as big as the ground. He’s not the world and he can’t catch Liam.

His eyes have now fixated on the steel bars. Liam had probably tried to reach for the bottom one and fallen when he couldn’t. They were placed too high up and you needed a small ladder to reach the first one. It was probably placed like that on purpose for people who might try to…

…People like Liam.

“Can you walk…?” Scott finally asks.

The boy nods and they get up, Scott supporting him with an arm around his middle. With Liam leaning on him they can just about move, even though it’s very slowly. To be honest, Scott doesn’t really care. He wants to go home. He wants to go home and sleep. His stomach has that weird fuzzy feeling that makes him nauseous and he just wants to forget about this night already.

He manages to get Liam on his bike safely, helmets on their heads. After he has kicked the bike to life, Scott’s careful as he accelerates, scared he might throw Liam off. The boy’s grip on his hips is not as tight as it has been before. It’s loose, and naturally Scott wonders if that’s because Liam’s mad at him or if he’s tired or…anything really. Anything except for the possibility that he’s doing it because he wouldn’t really mind being thrown off onto the asphalt.

Scott’s stomach makes another flip, and the feeling of nausea boils in his stomach. When he takes a deep breath he smells the coldness of the night again. A frozen smell that he can only describe as sharp. Weird. Everything about this night is weird.

Once back at his house, Scott helps Liam up onto the porch. He moves his finger in front of his lips, motioning for him to be quiet.

Which proves difficult, when your boyfriend is limping up the stairs. Liam sounds like a pirate that has a wooden leg. The boy’s moving in little jumps and every time his ‘good’ foot hits the next step and causes a loud bang, Scott screws his eyes shut, praying that his mom won’t hear it.

Finally, they’re at Scott’s bedroom door and after Liam has limped in, Scott can hear the sound of creaking wood behind him.

It was too good to be true anyway.

“Scott?” Melissa asks, her curls a mess, rubbing her sleep-filled eyes. “What’s going on?”

Scott flicks his eyes towards Liam, who shows an apologetic look. The teenager sighs and decides it’s smarter to forfeit and be honest.

“Liam’s here,” he admits, closing the door and walking up to her.

His mom frowns, a questioning look on her face. “Why is he here?”

Scott sighs. “He called me. His parents have found out about his…” He swallows. “You know, about everything… He had written a suicide note and they found it.” Then he hears how that sounds and he quickly adds, “Not an actual one! Just to vent! I… It was kind of my advice.”

With every word Scott speaks, Melissa seems to wake up more and more. She folds her arms in front of her chest.

“So his parents wanted answers and Liam told them everything,  but  afterwards he was feeling depressed again and he ran away. Then he called me and I went to get him,” Scott continues. “Is it…is it okay if he stays the night? I’m scared he might-” He feels tears stinging behind his eyes. “I’m scared he might do something stupid.” In his mind, the sentence is ended by ‘again’, and Scott can feel his throat closing up.

“Scott,” Melissa exhales, shaking her head, rubbing the upper part of her nose. When she looks up, Scott can see she’s upset. “Scott, how could you bring him here after his parents found a _suicide note_?” she says. “It’s in the middle of night. They must be worried sick!”

Scott’s eyes have dropped towards the floor. He had not thought of that.

“I understand that all of this is very upsetting, but I expected you to have a bit more tact,” Melissa says, moving back into her bedroom and taking the house phone from her nightstand.

Scott looks up. “W-What are you doing?” he asks, scared. “Mom. Mom, you can’t call his par-”

“Of course I’m calling his parents,” she snaps.

Scott backs away a little. Melissa sighs, regaining her composure before she says, “Look, he can stay here tonight, but I am calling his stepdad to let him know Liam’s safe.”

Scott swallows, nodding slowly. He whispers a quiet “sorry”, before he turns around.

“Is she mad?” Liam asks after Scott has come in. He’s looking up at him with a fragile look.

Scott shrugs, because he doesn’t want to lie, but he also doesn’t want to make Liam feel bad. Then again, he should probably tell him that his parents have been called. Or maybe he should just leave that for tomorrow, because it wouldn’t really make a difference now anyway. It’s not like Liam can run off and try and hurt-

“Please say something,” Liam mutters.

“I don’t know what to say,” Scott replies. And that’s true. He literally has no idea.

Liam nods, and Scott looks around his room uncomfortably. Every time his eyes fall on Liam he gets this awkward tension in his shoulders and his chest. It’s the same feeling he gets when he meets someone for the first time; a sense of awkwardness. It makes Scott realize things have changed. They probably won’t be the same again, not after this. Suddenly, Liam’s depression is just all too real and where Scott has often wondered if he could handle it, he’s now sure he can’t. Liam seems a stranger to him now.

“Scott, I’m really sorry,” Liam break their silence. Scott flicks his gaze over to him in a reflex, and is forced to face the destroyed look Liam’s giving him. “I never meant… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Scott swallows, wiping his eyes. “I know. I know, you didn’t,” he answers softly. His voice sounds raspy and he’s looking around his room again. “But I don’t how to deal with this.”

“What do you mean?” Liam asks.

Scott exhales a deep breath, and in that split second decides he needs to face facts. So he sits down next to his boyfriend – because he still is – and says, “You tried to kill yourself tonight.”

Liam presses his lips together and shows a small nod, before looking up, smiling awkwardly. “But I didn’t.”

Scott cocks his head, and suddenly there’s a hint of a crooked smile portrayed on his face. “But you tried.”

They’re finally holding eye-contact and Scott can feel Liam’s soft breath grazing his chin. And suddenly there’s this moment, a click, a bursting of their bubble, an epiphany, a breakdown; Scott doesn’t know what it is exactly, but something pops and he and Liam simultaneously fall into each other’s arms and start hugging and crying, because everything is a mess and what are they supposed to do but to just grieve about what has happened?

They let go of each other a couple of minutes later. Scott sniffs, and mumbles, “You’re still cold. I’ll get you some clothes.” He gets up and rummages through his closet before picking out some things that are comfortable and warm. Liam doesn’t protest, instead just pulling them on quietly.

“They’re nice,” he comments, flailing his arms. The sleeves have fallen over his wrists and normally Scott would have fainted from how adorable Liam looked, but this time he feels nothing but drained and empty.

“Let’s go to bed.”

Liam nods, looking around himself awkwardly and Scott knows what he’s thinking. So after he has switched off the light, he crawls under the covers and pulls Liam with him. Again, the boy silently obeys and the next moment they are lying next to each other, back to back, hearts filled with mixed signals and cheeks sticky with dried up tears.

Needless to say, Scott has trouble falling asleep that night. He can hear Liam’s soft snoring next to him. The boy must have been exhausted. Not that Scott doesn’t feel tired – he just can’t sleep – probably still too affected by everything that has happened.

His attention is drawn to Liam when he grumbles something inaudible and turns around. Scott’s on his back and before he can comprehend what’s going on, Liam has nestled himself against Scott’s body. His face is tucked away in Scott’s neck and he has his arm draped around his stomach. Scott pushes his head back into the pillow so he can look at his boyfriend. Asleep, he’s nothing but innocence and peace – definitely not someone who’s depressed.

Scott watches Liam’s slightly flustered cheeks, his soft looking lips; trails his eyes along his strong jawline that adds a year of age to his appearance, which is then detracted by his overall, still boyish, look. Unconsciously, Scott starts carding his fingers through Liam’s hair.

It is then that he realises how much he loves Liam, which is a lot. He must, given that he can look past all this horrible stuff and still like him. Not to sound self-absorbed, but if Scott is willing to be with someone who’s depressed, it must say a lot about how in love he actually is. So what if they overcome all of this? Imagine how amazing life with Liam would be then. Scott has to admit, before tonight, everything has been pretty awesome. Their dates, the Valentine’s Day presents, his mom meeting Liam, their hugs and kisses, Liam’s laughter; all added up they’re worth all this horribleness they’re going through right now.

His train of thought is interrupted when Liam suddenly presses the air from his lungs. Surprised, Scott looks down, and sees Liam’s face has scrunched up.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks, confused.

Liam doesn’t reply, but instead tightens his bit a grip more. Scott assumes he must be having a bad dream.

“It’s okay,” he says softly.

And while he’s hugging the sleeping Liam back, Scott remembers exactly why he and Liam are meant to be together: they make each other whole. Scott helps Liam with his depression and, in response, Liam gives Scott purpose. Liam fills that hole his father had left there so many years ago. Just like Allison used to.

With that thought, Scott finally falls asleep.

The next morning is awkward. The boys are woken up by Melissa, who steps into Scott’s room after knocking. Scott’s glad they had apparently untangled themselves from one another in their sleep, and then sees the phone in Melissa’s hand.

“It’s your dad,” she says to Liam.

The boy’s face falls and he nods, getting up. His foot must be feeling a little better, because he’s not limping as much as he was last night. Liam takes the phone and walks into the hallway, so Melissa steps into Scott’s bedroom.

Scott sits up. “Mom, about last night. I’m sorry, I should have-”

But Melissa holds up her hand. “I know,” she dismisses his apology. “I understand why you did what you did, and I don’t blame you for that. I lost my temper for a moment, is all.” She moves towards the bed and sits down at the end. Scott pulls his legs under himself. “At least you made sure he was safe.”

“What did Dr. Dunbar say?”

“In the end he was grateful,” his mother answers. “They were just about to call the police when I spoke to them.”

Scott nods guiltily. “Were they mad?”

Melissa rocks her head from side to side, debating her answer. “I don’t think so, no. They were just really worried. And they are still wrapping their heads around everything.”

They look up when Liam comes back in. He gives the phone back to Melissa and announces he’s going to go home. “My parents have stayed home from work and I… They think we should talk.” He sighs, eyes flicking over to briefly catch Scott’s. “And I think we should, too.”

Melissa shows him a lopsided smile before getting up. “It’s good to talk about things,” she says, touching Liam’s upper arm. “I can give you a lift on my way to work. Scott, you need to get ready for school.”

Both boys nod and when the door falls shut, Scott carefully asks, “Are you okay?”

Liam licks his lips. “I think so…” he answers. “I mean, this conversation is going to be terrible.” He scoffs, blinking away tears. “But I owe them an explanation.”

Scott nods, getting up. “It’s going to be okay,” he tries to sound reassuring. “Remember, you can always call me.” He wraps his arms around Liam, pulling him close.

“I know. Thank you.”

Scott rubs his spine gently and, for the second time in the last twelve hours, a particular set of three words boil up in his throat. He hesitates, but ends up swallowing them down again.

Another time.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)

Before he’s on his way to school, Scott texts Lydia and Stiles that he needs to talk to them. They both reply almost instantly, asking what’s wrong, but Scott explains that he would like to take his time. Understanding as they are, they oblige and therefore don’t ask anything until late afternoon, when they’re at Scott’s house.

“So what’s up?” Stiles asks the moment they have sat down in the McCall’s living room.

Lydia is sitting on the edge of the sofa, chin resting on her hand as her eyes flick from Stiles’ to Scott’s.

Scott swallows, feeling his throat closing up again when he realizes what he has to tell them. Yet, he reminds himself that he can trust his friends and that it’s not just important for Liam to talk about things, but also for Scott.

But that doesn’t mean he knows how to start.

“Liam tried to kill himself last night.”

Then again, he’s still Scott.

Stiles’ and Lydia’s jaw both drop an inch. Stiles starts stammering first bits of words, but they don’t really make sense. Instead, Scott turns to Lydia and says, “Sorry, I didn’t know how to say it.”

“It’s okay,” Lydia says, holding up her hand. “I understand.”

Stiles has fallen quiet and now has a tense look on his face.

Scott bites his lip, it suddenly dawning on him how hard this conversation is going to be.

“So…” Lydia clears her throat, frowning. “So what happened?”

For a second Scott doesn’t even know where to start, but then he figures he might as well start there.

“I woke up from a phone call in the middle of the night, basically after I left you…” Scott nods at Stiles. “…It was Liam. He sounded really upset, was basically crying and said that his parents had found his suicide note.”

Lydia covers her mouth with her hand.

“It wasn’t a real one,” Scott quickly explains. “I had told him the other day that it might be helpful to write things down, like, an apology to himself for example. Anything, really, as long as it made him feel better. Anyway, that’s what his parents found. So…I don’t know what _exactly_ happened, but I can imagine they dragged Liam downstairs and forced him to talk to them. He did, and ended up telling them everything.”

“But…that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Stiles asks.

Scott shakes his head. “He has a history with his parents. The short version of it is that he did something bad last year and they were really disappointed with him. It really left a mark on their relationship, so he was really worried something like that might happen again. That’s also the reason he was so weird about me meeting his parents, because he was scared something bad might come up. Something that he wasn’t aware of.”

“And then he had to tell them he’s depressed…” Lydia mumbles, staring into space.

Scott sighs, nodding. “I think it just pushed him over the edge.”

“So how did he…” Stiles swallows. “How did he try to…?”

“I didn’t actually see it or anything,” Scott answers. “But I found him at the lacrosse field at school and apparently he had hurt his ankle. I noticed the floodlights and kind of put it together. He had tried to climb up one of them and I think he wanted to…”

The lump in Scott’s throat grows, starting to hurt him. Tears are stinging behind his eyes.

“I think he wanted to jump…”

Lydia wipes her eyes.

“He wanted to jump, but he couldn’t get up there,” Scott’s voice is trembling and he rubs a hand from his nose to his mouth, sniffing. “He must have twisted his ankle by accident when he had tried to climb up.” He inhales deeply, pulling himself together. “Anyway, I took him home and then my mom woke up and found out. She was mad that I hadn’t let his parents know, but I just hadn’t thought of it. She ended up calling Liam’s dad instead and apparently they were just about to call the police. Liam stayed the night and this morning he went home to talk to his parents. We haven’t really spoken about what has happened. I just…” He looks up at his friends, weakly rising his shoulders. “I just didn’t know what to say.”

“Well, I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t know what to say either,” Stiles replies, eyes wide. He huffs out a deep breath. “Man, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

Scott shrugs again. “Me too… I’m glad Liam called, though. I mean…imagine what might have happened if he hadn’t.”

His friends nod, earnest looks on their faces.

A shiver creeps down Scott’s spine, but he tries to focus on the sense of relief he’s feeling as well. It might be awful to talk about, but in the end it’s still good to talk about it. For a moment, his mind flashes to Liam, who has probably had an even worse experience. If this is already difficult for Scott, it must be horrifying for Liam.

“Have you heard from him today?” Stiles asks.

“Nothing.”

“Do you want to hear from him?” Lydia wonders.

Stiles gives her a weird look. “Of course he wants to hear from him.”

But Scott interrupts him by saying, “I don’t know.”

“Dude…”

“I don’t know anything anymore. This was so…” Scott shakes his head. “Last night, when he was sat on my bed, I looked at him and I didn’t even recognize him anymore. I mean, I know he’s depressed and I can deal with that, but this… He had actually tried to kill himself. I could’ve had a call the next morning saying that he wasn’t here any longer and then what? I was just going to have to deal with losing the person I’m in love with for a second time?”

Stiles’ and Lydia’s faces soften when Scott rubs his hands over his forehead, bottom lip trembling. They get up from the sofa and each sit down on the side of Scott’s armchair. They wrap an arm around their friend and rub his back.

“It’s okay to take a moment and let it all sink in, you know,” Lydia reminds him. “This is an awful situation and you’re allowed to feel bad about it.”

“I know, but it’s so much,” Scott whimpers, tears falling from his eyes. “I care about him. I care about him so much, but now I don’t know if I can still go through with this and it makes me feel terrible, because I don’t want to let him go, but I also don’t know what to do.”

Stiles gives Lydia a helpless look, not really knowing what to say, but luckily she does.

“Do you think it will hurt less after you’ve broken up?” she asks. “If he commits suicide one day it’s still going to hurt, whether you’re in a relationship or not.” Her words are ended with a quiet, “Trust me.”

Scott scoffs bitterly at that, but he knows she’s right. He’s already in too deep, regardless if Liam’s his boyfriend. He cares about him and that’s final.

After he has caught his breath and has calmed down a little, he sits up.

“Alright,” he says, “so what am I supposed to do?”

“What you’ve always done,” Lydia answers, “talk.”

Scott shakes his head, but chuckles. “I’m so sick of talking.”

His friend smiles, squeezing his shoulder. “I know.”

“Just text him,” Stiles offers, “Meet him tomorrow or something. It’s Saturday after all and there’s no lacrosse match because of the frost.”

“Yeah…” Scott says, nodding. He moves to get his phone out of his pocket.

He doesn’t really know what to write at first, because he wants to acknowledge the fact that Liam has probably gone through hell this morning, but he also feels like it’s not a conversation to have over text. So, in the end, he decides to go with something incredibly stupid and obvious.

“Hey, are you okay?”

The three of them are happily surprised when Liam’s response doesn’t take long.

“Tired, but okay, I guess.”

Scott knows that means he feels awful, but not in a depressed way, which is fortunate, really, given the circumstances. He frowns when a second message pops up.

“I didn’t know if I should text you today.”

“You can always call or text me. I told you that,” Scott sends back.

“I know, but last night was a little bit different.”

The sarcastic subtlety of Liam’s words confirm Scott’s speculations that he’s feeling like his ‘normal’ self again.

“Shall I come over tomorrow?” Scott asks.

“Yes, please.”

The guy looks up at his friends, who both nod in approval. Scott smiles, because the look in their eyes tells him everything he needs to know:

It’s going to be okay.

He arrives at Liam’s house the follow morning, just before midday. There are two cars in the driveway, so Scott figures his boyfriend’s parents are home. He can imagine they have taken the weekend off as well, given everything that has happened.

Scott rings the doorbell and is taken off guard when Dr. Dunbar opens up. The way he’s looking at Scott makes him feel uncomfortable. He looks knowingly. All the secrets that have been there before were now in the open and there’s no hiding from it. Scott doesn’t really know what to say: if he should apologize for helping Liam out the other night or if he should re-introduce himself as his son’s boyfriend. But neither sound like good ideas.

“Scott.”

The guy nods. “Dr. Dunbar.” He shifts his weight onto his other leg. If he had a knife, he could’ve literally cut the tension and offer Liam’s dad a slice.

“I don’t blame you for what happened, Scott,” the man breaks the silence.

Scott swallows. “Thanks…” he replies, showing a crooked smile. “I, err…I’m sorry, though. I shouldn’t have… I should have told you, maybe.”

Dr. Dunbar sighs, lightly shaking his head. “You should have, but there isn’t much we can do about that now.” He steps aside, leaving his hand on the door handle.

Scott steps in with a bowed head, knowing that it’s going to take a lot of time and effort before Liam’s parents start viewing him in a better light. Something tells him Liam’s dad might be a bit tougher on him because the wounds are still fresh, but then again, he’s allowing Scott to come over, which indicates he probably doesn’t think of him as a bad influence. Fortunately for Scott, he can safely say that’s correct – he has done nothing wrong.

Not directly, anyway.

“Liam’s in the kitchen,” Dr. Dunbar says while Scott takes off his shoes. He disappears into the living room, and Scott turns a left.

Liam has his headphones in and Scott watches him fiddle with the coffee maker. For a second, he stares him silently. It seems like Liam’s occupied with his thoughts and when Scott walks closer and takes out one of the earbuds, he can hear rock music playing.

He watches Liam’s eyes lit up before his face falls. Scott shares the same sensation: his heart fluttering like a happy bird before it getting shot out of the sky. Their mild and sober greetings reflects their moods.

“I’m making you coffee,” Liam offers, putting the damping mug on the counter. He stirs in four sugars before handing it to Scott.

“Will I need it?” the guy asks, feeling the warm steam rising against his chin.

Liam shrugs. “I can give you the short story if you’d like.”

Scott huffs. “Never.”

His boyfriend shows a little smile, and Scott offers to go upstairs.

“We’re gonna have to stay in the kitchen,” Liam replies, arms folded in front of his chest. “My parents don’t want us to go upstairs.”

Scott’s stomach churns a little at that, but he also knows he can’t really blame them. They would probably think of themselves as fools if they would let Liam out of their sight now. He’s probably going to be under strict surveillance for the next couple of months.

So they sit down at the kitchen table after Liam has gotten himself a cup of tea. The silence between them is awkward again and that’s when Scott realizes they haven’t really greeted each other – not physically; no kiss, no hug, no nothing. Scott wonders if he’ll ever get over the surprise of how much Liam’s failed attempt has affected their relationship. It’s almost like there’s this invisible wall between them that they both can’t penetrate. It’s made of uncomfortableness and uncertainty and that’s weird, because Scott’s here, so Liam has nothing to worry about it. If Scott had wanted to break up with him, he would have done it by now. But if that were true, then that also meant Scott had nothing to worry about, because he would be sure that he didn’t want to break up with Liam. And all of that is weird and doesn’t make sense, because Scott still feels like he doesn’t want to break up with Liam, so why is he feeling so incredibly awkward?

“I suppose I should just start…?” Liam says after a while, pulling Scott out of his train of thought. In the time that has passed his coffee has cooled down, enabling him to drink it in small sips.

He nods.

Liam takes a deep breath, averting his eyes towards the table. He has his hands folded around his cup. “Right before it all happened, I had gone into the study room to do homework,” he starts telling, “but I couldn’t really focus. I started thinking and thinking and in the end was overthinking again, so I remembered that I should distract myself. I figured I wanted to do some writing, so I went back to my room to get my notebook. Suddenly, my mom was there. She was holding it in her hands. Open. My heart dropped into my stomach when she turned to me and I saw the look on her face. I had never really seen her cry before… I told her that I could explain, but she took a step backwards, like she was scared of me. Like I had become this stranger that she didn’t know.”

Scott bites his lip, gaze falling downwards.

“She walked passed me and just went downstairs, didn’t even say anything. It was weird. I didn’t know what to think or do, so I just stood there. I kind of knew what this meant, but…somehow it didn’t seem to sink in. A couple of minutes later, dad called me to come down. My heart was racing in my chest and I started to get these…thoughts. “Get out. Get out,” they said. “Don’t go. Leave.” I was terrified, and as I descended the staircase the thoughts got worse and worse and I was so scared that I couldn’t think straight so when I finally entered the living room I had convinced myself it all didn’t matter anymore, because I was going to…”

Scott looks up at him.

“…Because I was going to kill myself later anyway,” Liam whispered. He cleared his throat, moving on his chair. “I sat down on the sofa next to them and my mom was still crying, dad had his arm wrapped around her. “What’s this?” he asked, holding up the book. I shrugged, because I really didn’t know what to say. He continued interrogating me, asking me how I had hurt my arm so often over the past couple of weeks and why I had been acting so closed off. I didn’t say anything, because he already knew the answer anyway. After all, it was all in that little notebook. Suddenly, I started to get more upset. I started to get angry, because I thought it was cruel of him to try and make me say it. After reading all that, he should know how hard it must be to talk about, especially with your parents. So…I continued to keep quiet, and he just kept on asking questions. I slipped into this haze, where I didn’t really register what was going on. It was almost like his words just slid past me, like zeppelins floating through the sky. I had somehow switched off my mind and let him talk. Until…” Liam sighs, sniffing and wiping his nose. “…Until he asked me if I was happy.” He sniffs again. “It was like…it was like his question broke something inside of me, because I’m not. I’m not happy, but how could I tell my own parents I wasn’t? That I’d rather not be here, than be here? That I, almost every day, think about ending it all? I started crying and after that the questions were done. He and my mom tried to console me, and after a while I sobered up. I slipped back into the same state I had been in when I had entered the room – this emptiness. I think afterwards we were all drained, so dad offered for us to go to bed and that we would talk about it later.”

“And that’s when you ran away…” Scott mumbles.

Liam’s breath hitches in his throat. “I couldn’t sleep. The thoughts were just too much…” he says. “So…at some point I got up, quietly went downstairs and just left. I didn’t know where to go, so I just started walking and the next thing I know it’s an hour later and I’m at school.”

“Why didn’t you call me sooner…?”

“Because I couldn’t,” Liam chokes out. He inhales sharply, wiping his nose again. “I wanted to, but I couldn’t, because every time I thought about calling you I started to feel so incredibly guilty. I didn’t want to bother you, even though I know you don’t think of me that way, but in that moment I just couldn’t make myself realize that. Instead, I noticed the floodlights on the field and the next thing I remember is that I’m trying to leap against the pole, jump and try to reach for the first bar… I just… I didn’t want to anymore. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore and, finally, I was desperate enough to actually go through with it.”

“But you couldn’t reach.”

Liam scoffs. “I couldn’t reach. Twisted my ankle instead.” He sits back in his chair a little. “And the rest you know.”

Scott nods. But that’s all he does: he nods. He wants to say he understands, but he doesn’t feel like he can. He doesn’t understand how someone can be so far down that they just forget about all the important people in their life that love them. He doesn’t understand how the rain can fall down so hard on someone that they feel like there’s nothing they can do but to just take it. He doesn’t understand how someone’s judgment can be so incredibly clouded that they can’t think rationally anymore. He doesn’t understand how someone can actually go off and try to kill themselves.

But he does understand that his misunderstanding does not matter. Because these are not his thoughts. This is not him. This is Liam, and Liam is depressed.

Liam has depression.

And for the first time ever, Scott finally understands what that means.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=mh3rlf)

It’s after the storm, and Scott and Liam are sat in Liam’s kitchen. They’re finally over the shock and now left to clean up the mess. Liam’s dad walks in to grab something to drink, or at least that’s what Scott pretends he’s doing, knowing that he’s probably just coming in to check on them; to see if they’re okay.

Unfortunately for him, all Dr. Dunbar gets is silence, because neither of the two boys has said anything since Liam has finished talking. Scott’s brain is busy processing and slowly the realizations sink in.

“Are you okay?” Liam hesitantly asks after a while.

“Oh, yeah…no, I am. I mean,” Scott sighs. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…I don’t know. It’s a lot to take in.”

Liam nods.

Scott’s lips pull a lopsided smile. He’s scratching his empty mug with his nail.

“I can…” Liam prompts. “If you want, I can tell you everything about the conversation with my parents I had yesterday? It’s… It’s kind of important.”

Scott quickly nods, clearing his throat. “Sure. Of course. Tell me.”

“Your mom was really sweet when she brought me home. She didn’t ask why I was limping or anything about what had happened. She just told me that whenever I needed something that your door is always open, and… And that parents love their children, no matter what. Even when they sometimes might be a little strict or blunt, they’re only acting that way because of the shock. She’s really nice.”

Scott huffs, smiling.

“Anyway, I came home and my mom was literally waiting for me by the door. She hugged me and kept saying how worried she had been. I hugged her back and was surprised, because when she finally let go and looked at me I expected to see that disappointed look in her eyes, but it wasn’t there. I guess… I guess your mom was right. They did still love me and suddenly I felt a bit more confident. I didn’t feel empty anymore like I had done the night before. I don’t know whether that was because of their sympathy or because of your help or because I wasn’t in a depressed mood. I suppose it doesn’t really matter either; just that I felt better.”

“We sat down and the room immediately filled with tension again. After a while I couldn’t take it anymore, so I spoke up first and apologized for what I had done. It broke the ice between us a little and when my dad asked me how I was doing, I just started gushing. I told them how it had all started, after my explosion last year, how I had channelled my I.E.D. into something different, something I didn’t see as bad. I told them how I couldn’t bear seeing them being so disappointed in me, that I didn’t want that to happen ever again. I don’t… I don’t think I should have said that, though, because my mom kind of took offense to that. Maybe I should have said it differently, I don’t know. I didn’t mean to make it sound like an accusation or anything, but she kind of took it that way. She told me that the disappointment that I had seen was more directed towards herself, because she’s…” Liam bit his lip. “…because she’s my mom, so she should have helped me.”

Scott sees Liam’s trembling hand and covers it with his, squeezing gently.

“I didn’t know she blamed herself,” Liam admits softly, eyes trained onto the table. “Anyway, we talked for a long time. I also told them about you and how you have been helping me; how I have actually already gotten better because of you.”

A sense of pride boils up in Scott, but he pushes it back down.

“I told them that we’re together. They kinda figured that something was going on, but they didn’t want to infiltrate my privacy, ironically enough. I think, now, they wished they had.”

Scott frowns. “How do you mean?”

“The reason my mom read my little book was because she apparently had gotten suspicious. I didn’t think they ever noticed the cuts on my arms, but she had. Then, the day when I told everything to Mason, she had overheard something. Something odd. In the end, she gave in to her worry and decided to snoop around my room. That’s when she found the notebook. Then again, I did a poor job at hiding it as well.”

Scott tilts his head, squeezing Liam’s hand again. Finally, Liam catches his gaze. “Maybe I hadn’t hidden it away on purpose. I keep thinking that maybe I had wanted them to find out, that maybe, deep down, I knew I needed help.”

“Are you going to get help?”

“I’m seeing Ms. Morrell next week,” Liam answers. “At first, they wanted me to see an actual psychiatrist, but I refused. It just… I don’t know if I’m ready for that. And I know that sounds weird, but I just don’t know if it would help. I’m scared that every time I would go to the practice I would feel like a total weakling, and that would just be counter-productive.”

“That’s not really true, though,” Scott opposes. “It takes a lot of guts to be honest and admit you need help. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I know,” Liam replies. “I know there isn’t. But I also know that my thoughts sometimes don’t accept that logic, so I want to start easy. I told my parents that if Ms. Morrell doesn’t help, I’ll go to someone more professional.”

Scott sighs. “Lydia says she’s really good…”

“She’s the reason I came up with it. I told my parents what she had been going through and that seeing Ms. Morrell had really helped her.” He smiles. “And the last push they needed was when I told them I’ll continue talking to you, because that helps as well.”

Scott’s heart swells at those words.

Liam exhales a deep breath. “So…that’s all, I guess.” He snorts. “A whole lot to happen in only twenty-four hours.”

Scott can only agree with that. Processing everything proves easier now, though. It sooths him to know that Liam will get help. Taking a step like that isn’t easy, and Scott should be proud of him.

And, to hell, he is proud of him.

“You’ve been really quiet,” Liam says.

“Yeah, I know, sorry. It’s…” Scott searches for words. “I think it’s really good that you’re going to see a counsellor. I mean, I’m not saying that I think you needed one all this time, but…but, to be…” He licks his lips. “To be honest with you, after what has happened, I think it’s important that you are. I mean, I’m really impressed and proud of you that you can acknowledge how serious this has become.”

Liam smiles a sad smile.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Scott instantly defends himself, holding up his hands. “I’m not saying you’re crazy or a freak or whatever. I’m actually being serious. I mean, when I met you three months ago you never would have even considered seeing someone. You didn’t even think you had a problem! Which…which shows…” He ducks his head, forcing Liam to look at him. “You’ve already grown so much. I’ve seen it.”

“And do you want to keep seeing it…?”

The question takes Scott by surprise. His eyes fall onto their holding hands on the table and he shrugs. “I don’t know,” he admits honestly. “I mean, I still like you. I still care about you. But I also feel confused… I think it’s because everything is still too fresh. But I can’t… We can’t pretend that this hasn’t left its mark. You know, on ‘us’.”

Liam nods. “No, I get that. I feel it too, actually. Everything now…” He gestures at the air between them. “Everything’s so…”

“…Awkward.”

“Yeah. And unfamiliar.”

“At least I’m not the only one who has noticed it,” Scott says. “Shows that it’s not just me.”

Hearing his own words, Scott suddenly realizes that’s what it is: they’re just in unknown territory again. They had taken their time to explore the area around their hearts before, familiarize themselves with each other’s worlds. So this bit that they’re going through now is just new, and that’s why it feels so awkward. They’re in a relationship and they’re supposed to be close, but this part of them is still distant. That doesn’t mean Scott’s feelings for Liam have changed. This was just a setback. They’ve been forced to take a step back and get to know each other again. Scott internally scoffs when he realizes that that probably means more talking.

Yet, if that’s what it takes to get through this, he’s happy to oblige. What’s that saying? Rome wasn’t built in a day? Well, progress isn’t made without a few setbacks either. You need to suffer through fall and winter before it becomes spring again. And then maybe, just maybe, in summer they’ll finally be happy. Like, truly happy. With less sad moments. The prospect fills Scott’s chest with light and hope and motivation and this sudden burst of optimism that makes him get up from his chair.

He reaches down and wraps his arms around Liam, tangling his fingers into the boy’s hair. “There,” he says, “no more awkwardness.”

Liam chuckles into his boyfriend’s side and Scott tightens his grip.

“Have you thought about telling Mason?” Scott asks once he has sat back down – one never knows when Dr. Dunbar might want another drink.

“I’m going to tell him,” Liam answers, “but not about what happened at the lacrosse field. It’ll only upset him.”

“He might find out, though.”

“How? Only you, I and our parents know what happened.”

Scott’s gaze drops. “Well…” he rubs his hands together between his thighs. “I kinda told Lydia and Stiles.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry, I really needed to talk about it as well and obviously they will keep it a-”

“It’s fine,” Liam interrupts him. “I get it. It gets to you too.” He sighs. “I guess I’ll tell Mason then.”

“Sorry,” Scott apologizes again, thankful that Liam shrugs it off. Luckily, the boy sees that secrets like that always need to be told to a third party. It’s common sense. Lydia and Stiles aren’t as close to Liam, so it’ll have less impact on them and that’s where the sharing stops. Telling Mason might be difficult for Liam, but then again; talking helps. And maybe the fact that Liam’s getting help brings the same comfort to Mason as it does to Scott.

They continue talking for a couple of hours more, but Scott doesn’t stay the whole afternoon. By now, both boys have figured that they need a little time, which is why they feel content when they hug at the front door. They pour everything into the simple gesture that is wrapping their arms around each other. It reassures them that, yes, it’s still a little awkward, but at least they’re both willing to break through it.

And that’s all they need.

Melissa is home on that particular Saturday; curled up on the sofa with a blanket. To Scott, it’s an inviting contrast, especially with the cold outside. His nose is a little runny from the bike ride when he steps into the hallway.

“How was he?” his mom asks when Scott has sat down next to her, muting the TV.

Scott hides his feet under her blanket. “He’s okay,” he answers with a confident smile. “He has told me about everything that’s happened and now we’re good again.”

Melissa tilts her head. “I’m glad. And with his parents?”

“Yeah, they’ve been surprisingly cool, actually,” Scott replies, resting his head on his hand. “It’s not like they were completely freaked out and sent Liam to Eichen House or something. Next week he’s going to Ms. Morrell, though.”

“The guidance counsellor?”

Scott hums. “Yeah, apparently she’s really good.”

His mom nods. “That’s a good decision. Did he come up with it himself?”

Scott thinks for a moment. “He kind of did. I mean, obviously his parents found that he needed help, but Liam had proposed it.”

“That’s really something.”

“Hmhm.”

“Would you like to go see her?”

Scott frowns. “No? Why?”

Melissa sits up a little. “You care a lot. It might be nice to talk to someone about your relationship with Liam.”

“Yeah, but I’m not depressed…”

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you, too.”

Scott presses his lips into a thin line, because he knows his mother’s right. Yet, he doesn’t really see the point of going. But that thought also messes with his head a little, because isn’t that something a troubled person would say?

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Melissa adds after a while.

“I know,” Scott instantly replies. “I know there isn’t. It’s just...I don’t think I need it. I mean, I don’t feel conflicted or anything? Sure, I felt bad after yesterday, but I talked to Lydia and Stiles about it, and I felt better afterwards. It’s not like I bottle everything up.”

Melissa smiles. “That’s all I needed to know.”

She switches the sound back on and reverts her eyes back to the TV. Scott stares at the moving images as well, but his thoughts are still with their conversation. It’s odd how he can feel so strongly about not wanting to go to a counsellor, while he knows it can only help. Where is the line? When should someone decide to get help? Surely, attempting suicide isn’t a guideline. If anything, that’s already a bit too late.

It’s probably just Scott’s way too caring personality that makes him encourage others to get better, rather than himself. It’s a little like forgetting to eat; disregarding your own feelings as unimportant, putting others before you. In some eyes, that might be a problem. And maybe it is.

Yet, if Scott’s aware of this little personality trait, then he has the opportunity to do something about it.

So he promises himself the same thing Liam has promised to his parents: he will continue to talk to his friends and he will be honest towards himself. He’s going to pay more attention to his eating pattern and if it turns out that’s not enough, he will take more fitting measures.

Melissa slides a proud hand through his hair.


	27. Chapter 27

It’s Friday, and already dark outside. Even though the days have started to become longer again, sundown is still around 6 pm. The halls of Beacon High are deserted, quiet. It even feels a little ominous, Scott finds, sitting on one of the small chairs in the corridor. Behind the door he's sitting next to are dimmed voices in private conversation. They’re of a boy and a young woman.

Scott is twirling his fingers in his lap, his knee bouncing up and down rhythmically. He’s aware of his heartbeat, but doesn’t really understand why he’s so nervous. Maybe he’s just agitated, because Liam’s going to come through that door at some moment.

That thought is confirmed when he hears chairs moving across the floor. His heart skips a beat. He wipes his hands on his jeans. Liam walks towards the door and Scott can hear him thank Ms. Morrell and say goodbye, wishing her a nice weekend. He also apologizes for making her stay for so long. Scott can’t hear what the guidance counsellor says in response, but he figures she waves off his apology.

The door creak a little when it opens and Liam steps out.

“You’re here…?”

It sounds more like a question.

Scott stands up from the chair. He smiles shyly and nods.

Liam blinks at him for a moment, but then smiles back, because this moment proves that, even though they had doubted it before, are – in fact – okay.

“So how was it?” Scott asks as they start walking.

“It was good,” Liam answers, eyebrows knitted together. “It was mostly basic stuff, though. I think she just wanted to get to know me and make sure that I felt comfortable.”

“Did you?”

Liam nods. “She has a nice voice,” he says, frown deepening even more. He then scoffs. “And she says nice things. Nothing exaggerated or out of the order or psychiatrist-y, you know? I mean, obviously she’s very positive, but also realistic? Like she’s…”

“…She’s putting things into perspective?” Scott guesses. He laughs at the impressed look Liam’s giving him. “I read up on it,” he admits, cheeks warming.

Liam chuckles. His pinky finger brushes against Scott’s.

Scott grins. He can’t stop looking at Liam, at his messy looking hair and his soft skin. His mind quickly throws him back to how it had all started; with internet searches and forceful confrontations, and how he and Liam had slowly but surely started growing closer to each other. How Scott had realized that his feelings for Liam were more than just friendship. That it was actually unusual to care so much about someone – even for him.

He also remembers how great it had felt to kiss Liam. How easy it had felt, normal, but just as well like fireworks on the 4th of July. And now, they are boyfriends. Now, Liam has officially taken the first step to getting better, and Scott is so incredibly proud of him.

Their footsteps echo through the empty hallway. They’re almost at the exit. Liam looks up and catches Scott’s gaze, cocking his head. He’s about to ask him why he’s looking at him like that, but Scott’s quicker.

“I love you,” he says.

Liam blushes, eyes flicking away shyly before he also admits, “I love you too.”

**THE END**


	28. Epilogue

**Liam's Notebook**

_August 19 th,_

_It is summer and Scott has graduated. We went to celebrate with his mom a couple of weeks ago. And exactly today, Scott and I have been officially together for six months. Time has quite literally flown by and I can’t believe it’s over half a year ago when I was last depressed. Well…really depressed. I have still had some sad moments. Just last night, even, Scott spent the night for the first time – Mom and dad finally let him. Their worry has worn off a little. Anyway, I woke up some time in the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. I started overthinking again and, somehow, Scott noticed. He woke up and without saying anything just turned around and held me. His hugs are always so warm. His arms literally wrap all the way around me. He was rubbing his thumbs on my hands and on my wrist, which I suppose doesn’t sound very special, but when you have scars there it can actually make you feel quite uncomfortable. However, that night it didn’t, so I didn’t move away either, and right when I realized that Scott hugged me a little tighter. I swear he can read my mind. He’s so perfect; really knows exactly what to do. I feel incredibly lucky._

_Ms. Morrell says that, eventually over time, it will get better and I will have those random sad moments less and less frequently. To be honest, I’m not sure if she’s right. I mean, I want to believe her, obviously, but right now it just doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to be over. But still, that’s okay. I have learned so many things over the past few months. Scott has taught me to open up and I can never be more grateful. I’m sure that when I have him, it won’t ever get as bad again. And, hey, who knows? Maybe in another six months I feel like I’ll be fine by myself as well. Baby steps._

_Things with my parents are still a bit awkward at times. I think we need to get used to showing a little more affection to one another. Mom especially. Although, I have to praise her effort – she has been giving me a lot more hugs and kisses lately. At first it felt insincere and pitiful, but now it’s actually quite nice. Love can do that to a person, I suppose. She and dad are also incredibly protective. I guess that’s something that’ll stay for a while. I don’t blame them._

_I have to wrap up. Scott is taking me swimming and he has a surprise for tonight. I can already guess what it is. He’s so ridiculously romantic and predictable, I usually tease and make fun of him, but I’m pretty sure he still notices me blushing. He notices everything. I bet you, he’s going to take me stargazing. He has basically made it his life goal to remind me of all our fun moments. That’s probably why we also still hold pinkies. He’s so insanely sweet, I don’t know how I deal with it. He makes me feel small and safe and content. It’s like he has made me lose my old self and found a place in my mind. I guess Scott is just…_

_Scott is my universe._

_P.S. Guess who is starting as Beacon High’s captain of the lacrosse team next semester?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's over! Thank you all so much for sharing this journey with me. I know it has been quite frustrating at times, especially regarding frequent updates (that weren't there), but I hope you can forgive me.  
> To be completely honest, I was quite lost on the ending, because chapter 26 actually felt like everything was over and done with. However, I really wanted to do a short epilogue and a scene where Liam goes to see Ms. Morrell, which is why chapter 27 is so short. All in all, a learning process for me. ;)  
> Anyway, again, thank you for reading, and - hopefully - till next time! <3


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